Venting I wanna die but I don’t

[gnarly]

At the age of 10/13/16/17/and now I wanted to end my life. That's tough to say because at the same time I wanna live every single breath of my entire life. But the other hand hold such a great deep regret of every mistake that holds me down. And it wishes for nothing but silence. I'm split and tangled in an infinite web of emotions and thoughts. Of agony and sorrow. But my soul holds light. My mind is war.

And I sit here alone. My eyes as dry as any desert I've lost all my cries when I began to exist. I held no burden. I held no grief. But pain is all that there was. It's all that there is. And my mind bleeds as it consumes the negativity of everything that surrounds me. To be free it tells. To be alive. To be well. To become something greater than the walls that hold it down and bound it to the limits that I know. I feel and crave for my soul to burst into a giant bright light unimaginable by any human on earth.

 

[SchrodingerIsDed]

At the age of 10/13/16/17/and now I wanted to end my life. That's tough to say because at the same time I wanna live every single breath of my entire life. But the other hand hold such a great deep regret of every mistake that holds me down. And it wishes for nothing but silence. I'm split and tangled in an infinite web of emotions and thoughts. Of agony and sorrow. But my soul holds light. My mind is war.

And I sit here alone. My eyes as dry as any desert I've lost all my cries when I began to exist. I held no burden. I held no grief. But pain is all that there was. It's all that there is. And my mind bleeds as it consumes the negativity of everything that surrounds me. To be free it tells. To be alive. To be well. To become something greater than the walls that hold it down and bound it to the limits that I know. I feel and crave for my soul to burst into a giant bright light unimaginable by any human on earth.

I get that. I have to die soon, and it's the same for me. For most of us I'm sure. Don't really wanna die, but don't really wanna live.

That's very poetic. :)

 

[Alo the obvi alien]

But the other hand hold such a great deep regret of every mistake that holds me down.

I felt this to my core. I regret everything I have done so far. Yesterday, I literally asked myself what is one decision I made that I don't regret today and I couldn't think of one. Not one. My entire life from conception was a mistake And being a Black woman in Amerikkka, knowing I could have done everything right and still not get anywhere besides sidekick maybe me just give up all hope in trying in general. 77million people voted for a CONVICTED FELON because his competitor looked like me. I give up. I genuinely just don't care about anything anymore including myself.