Venting I view myself as an object

[milkteacrown]

I do SW. My life is built around trauma from a young age. One of the most difficult things about recovery for me, outside of not feeling deep emotions, is that I just see myself as an object to be consumed. I don't know how to live in ways that don't traumatize me, and I don't know how to connect with others because most people have not gone through what I've gone.

Maybe it would be easier to make friends and feel emotionally connected to them if there was a person I could deeply relate to.

 

[Ilovetoomuch]

Aww.. I am really sorry ur going through this :( I have to say that u have to start loving urself. If SW brings u emptyness and makes u feel like an object it's probably better to take care of urself and the perfect time to stop doing it and finding something y'all love to live for :)




I'm also struggling with not finding a genuine connection for about 2 years now I can't seem to find someone I can deeply relate to. And I've been lacking an Athuenthic connection with someone..I can't seem to find someone who is real.I've also gone through a lot of trauma from my very childhood and have a lot to get off my chest. But nobody seems to love me as deeply I love them. But still I think the best the best thing we can do is to keep going and maybe one day we end up finding that person.

Just find something that u can live for again like even if it's a little passion of urs lol. I'm starting my journey on content creation and I hope I find something to live for again.

I'm new to this site so idk if can pm u so here's my email if u wanna make friends :)
[email protected]

And heres a cool and calming 45 second clip from one of my favorite yts :



Sending hugs... Ur not an object ur deserving of love ❤. And hopefully this helps lol

 

[foggyskies_]

That's a terrible situation to be in, I'm so sorry. Sexual trauma is a terrible beast because it leaves you feeling far too old too early, while also feeling stuck too young in a scary adult world. I haven't been hurt that way in years but I still find myself going into "I am an object for others" mode in my romantic relationships. I can't imagine what it must be like for you, who needs to rely on it for money.

If you'd like, I recommend you play the game "He F*cked The Girl Out Of Me" by Taylor McCue. It's extremely heavy, so make sure you're in the right headspace, but I think you might find a lot of solidarity in it. It speaks on the intersection between trauma, SW, poverty, loneliness, and gender from the perspective of a transgender former SW. It gave me a lot of comfort when I first played it. It takes about 30 minutes, but be sure to take breaks if it gets triggering. There's a lot in there to get triggered by.

As for friends, online connections can run much deeper than real life ones it seems. Real life social interaction is still vital, please go out when possible if you're able, but hopefully you can find someone who understands in places like this. Everyone needs friends, and you especially deserve them.

I hope you find some sense of normalcy in life, whatever that might look like for you. Hang in there, Milk ♡