Judah
Enlightened
- Oct 1, 2020
- 1,540
I want to be brief, I am autistic with a motor disability, which shouldn't be a problem, but when you consider my facial paralysis and small features of my behavior that represent obvious signs of mental illness, you feel overwhelmed.
I am Venezuelan, in a country where things do not work as they should and where you only see poverty and lack of hope, you feel how those feelings are ending up inside you and you know that you cannot do much.
In my adolescence I was depressed many times, seeing that I simply did not fit in anywhere, and when I reached my majority, I added another reason to my depression, and that was the lack of job opportunities.
My mother went to Colombia at that time, to find a better future, she planted in me the idea that for the moment I would stay in Venezuela to study a career, so I opted for a computer science career.
While I was studying, I went back alone and had a job where I made very little money, which only made my depression worse.
I finished half a degree and left for Colombia, where my mother welcomed me and I got a job installing solar energy systems. At first I believed that the drastic change in lifestyle would take me away from depression, but I see that it will not.
For reasons of life (Covid), I lost my job, so right now I am unemployed, I get depressed more often and each day seems endless, sometimes I stay in bed in the morning wondering if there is any reason to get up.
I concluded that my life is absurd and purposeless, I constantly have the idea of CBT, but there are two things that stop me, the first is the possible pain that I will feel doing it and the second is where I would go once I do it.
I am Venezuelan, in a country where things do not work as they should and where you only see poverty and lack of hope, you feel how those feelings are ending up inside you and you know that you cannot do much.
In my adolescence I was depressed many times, seeing that I simply did not fit in anywhere, and when I reached my majority, I added another reason to my depression, and that was the lack of job opportunities.
My mother went to Colombia at that time, to find a better future, she planted in me the idea that for the moment I would stay in Venezuela to study a career, so I opted for a computer science career.
While I was studying, I went back alone and had a job where I made very little money, which only made my depression worse.
I finished half a degree and left for Colombia, where my mother welcomed me and I got a job installing solar energy systems. At first I believed that the drastic change in lifestyle would take me away from depression, but I see that it will not.
For reasons of life (Covid), I lost my job, so right now I am unemployed, I get depressed more often and each day seems endless, sometimes I stay in bed in the morning wondering if there is any reason to get up.
I concluded that my life is absurd and purposeless, I constantly have the idea of CBT, but there are two things that stop me, the first is the possible pain that I will feel doing it and the second is where I would go once I do it.
