Venting I tried to get better.

[uotomof]

Quick backstory, dropped out of college and became a hikikomori and a NEET then leeched off of my parents for a year.

I eventually began taking my old antidepressants (bupropion) that I never took being the idiot I was, and after two months, I felt alive again. I was motivated to go see a psych and get a job. I used to take ADHD meds back in middle and high school but was taken off of them right before I entered college bc my parents thought that I had outgrown them. In hindsight, I shouldn't have listened.

Now, my goal was to transfer into a Community College so that I could try to continue my education, but I'm absolutely useless in that regard without stimulants.

So here I am, after a year of utter failure, I dragged myself to go see a psych, got diagnosed with ADHD and after multiple failed interviews, finally managed to land my first job.

anyway, to get prescribed stimulants, you need to get an EKG and a drug test.

I guess my parents didn't believe that I was going to go through with it and get medicated for some reason, because they were fine when I got the diagnosis drug test, but the day I was going to get my EKG (today), I was told not to do it because they would disqualify me from joining the military, which I can't do for another year bc I ended up in a mental hospital for a week in the past bc guess the reason lmfao

my father is my physician, I'm on his insurance, my mother practically threatened to kick me out over the issue, and I can't afford that with my savings so low & being dependent on them for transportation to work. i could become a homeless neet i guess

i've lost my goal in life, being a shitty neet was somehow easier, i tried living life but life fucking sucks

 

[Yarani]

I don't follow. Why is being able to go to the fucking military more important than your wellbeing and ability to learn/work?

 

[keg-ireland]

I don't follow. Why is being able to go to the fucking military more important than your wellbeing and ability to learn/work?

Was thinking exactly the same thing.

 

[uotomof]

I don't follow. Why is being able to go to the fucking military more important than your wellbeing and ability to learn/work?

they see it as the only viable career path for me. even as early as right after I dropped out they were making plans 2 years in advance about me joining.

To be honest, I would go to the military if I actually had a chance of getting in but between taking stimulants, taking antidepressants, getting put in a mental hospital, and being unable to prove it didn't affect my academic performance and my ability to get/hold a job, my odds of getting a waiver are low at best.

Even after sitting down with my mom and telling her about my worries, she told me she didn't believe I had ADHD and now even after I saw a psychiatrist and got diagnosed, they moved the goalpost so that it's "it clearly doesn't affect me in my daily life therefore you don't need it" and that the only time that I'd actually ever need it would be for academics.

I just wish they told me before the last possible day lol, then I wouldn't have gotten my hopes up

It's not that they don't care about my wellbeing, they just don't want me to try and get a college education because they don't believe in my ability to change and that it would be a waste of money and time to try that would be better spent waiting for me to have an iota of a chance to get accepted into the military.

edit:
please see it from their point of view, it's not like i'm entitled to people caring about my wellbeing

 

[KillingPain267]

I tried too. I tried to have hope and do the duties required of me. But it wasn't enough. I don't see the point in trying anymore when it will never be enough to fucking society.

 

[Yarani]

It's not that they don't care about my wellbeing, they just don't want me to try and get a college education because they don't believe in my ability to change and that it would be a waste of money and time to try that would be better spent waiting for me to have an iota of a chance to get accepted into the military.

Okay. Well, while they care, the care, to me, seems to lack the important element of respect.
They are seemingly trying to mold you according to their beliefs and wishes, and that can often go wrong for you, and for them by proxy, especially when those beliefs and wishes diverge from yours, and they also fail to acknowledge critical facts like your ADHD. They most certainly truly mean well, but when I see you arriving here like this, in the light of the facts that I have, that doesn't look healthy to me, at all.

Would it in any way be possible to arrange a meeting and discussion between your parents and a health professional, to help them understand your ADHD, and shed light on your future prospects in relation to that?

They moved the goalpost once, so maybe it's possible to move it again. In truth I would really like to destroy the stupid goalpost. It's your life and your goals, and they should support you in finding your own instead of prefixing something without your consent. I appreciate that you probably depend on them, mainly finances is often the issue, but that doesn't mean they get to dictate your life. They chose to have you, that wasn't you, it doesn't automatically give them rights over your future. They may like it or not, but you are a separate, unique human being that will develop much better by finding its own way with their support. If they are involved financially or otherwise support related, sure there should be discussion and communication and agreement. But not this kind of one sided pressure.

I have little knowledge about the connections between ADHD, meds and education/job success, but I strongly doubt that it all is automatically too hard or impossible, especially with the meds to support you and possibly access to other forms of support like counseling.

I don't know you, so I can only mostly offer a different perspective, but I would encourage you to go your own way. Try to take them with you by helping them understand and see things your way. But try to avoid getting stuck in something you're unhappy with long term. That's a recipe for disaster. Go with it for a limited time if you must, but with the goal of becoming independent and ultimately doing your own stuff. That would be a good start. You appear to be young, and career changes, also later in life, have become common nowadays. I'm also questioning the merit of this weighing the waiting for a tiny chance for a military position against college education. Idk how long this wait is supposed to be, but you could do college in the meantime. Does it even have to be college? Could also start with a non-college education/job. The related words escape me, apologies. I've heard from people who can even earn a lot more than usual college type jobs. For example I know of an electrician who achieved that. And there it really comes down to what you want from life, and your values.

I wish I could truly help somehow. I'm sad I can't, but I hope I could convey how important I believe it is to be able to create a life you feel good in and can grow with, as opposed to a life being created around you that you are unhappy in and stuck with. It's not everything in life, obviously, and it doesn't mean it can't change, but it can be a good starting direction.

Maybe someone else will be able to produce more substantial and coherent advice. I hope you will manage to work this out.