tiredquail
Member
- Aug 26, 2021
- 16
I took SN April 30 2022.
it doesn't matter why.
I took the SN at 7:00pm,I took about 26 grams.
I mixed it with cola and with Iced tea.It didn't hide the taste at all, it was horrible.
I sat in the chat room in Sanctioned Suicide, while laying on my bed watching Gilmore Girls.
I felt my heart rate get faster, I saw my finger tips going blue.
I only felt like I would vomit if I moved around, getting up felt dizzy or unsteady.
I was getting tired,just sleepy and peaceful,other then being sad.
I turned off the chat and deleted my history.
At 7:50,I felt close to passing out, I was losing track of time. I thought I was close enough that it was safe to message my husband who was downst ,I said come lay down with me and hold my hand.He didn't reply.
I sent messages to my adult children and told them I loved them, my one child asked if I was killing myself,I said yes.He was in the house too, he came in and asked where I put his shirt lol,I was confused at that point and said I didn't know.
He went and told my husband that I was going to kill my self,so my husband came upstairs.
He asked what I as ding and I said dying and I just wanted him to hold my hand so I wouldn't die alone,he questioned again what I was doing but I was tired so I told him I took the poison and I likely didn't have much time left.
He kept screaming that he hated me, walked out of the room saying " what do I do" my son said he wasn't going to call 911 and if my husband wanted to he could.
He called.
I got out of bed and went to use the bathroom,but I passed out on the floor of the doorway to the bathroom.The next thing I knew was the ambulance was there.
My husband said they took 20 mins to get there.Then another 15 minutes before loading me.
I heated the EMS workers asking me the typical Covid questions, I tried to answer but I was in and out of things. I couldn't move at all, it was like being paralyzed but I could feel when someone touched me but I couldn't move.
The EMS we're yelling at me to get up and walk but I could not ,they warned that they were going to drag me out.
Im 215lbs. I didn't care I couldn't move, I felt them lift me into a bag type stretcher.
next thing I knew I was in the ambulance,the EMS moved my hand to my face and tried to put a vomit bag in my hand but I couldn't hold it, I puked all over him.
The next thing I knew I was at the hospital,they were intibating me, I felt the whole thing ,I still couldn't move,I couldn't open my eyes.All the conversation from my house and the ambulance came flooding in as background noise, I heard my son whisper loudly in my ear that he loved me, I thought he was in the ER with me.
I could hear at the same time what the doctors and nurses were saying all while the background noise was coming in,it was like my brain was trying to play catch-up with what I wasn't taking in before.
I was just my brain and it was bright gold with flickering orange Color's and crackling like bacon frying.
I heard the nurses discussing where I got the SN, the hospital had never seen this type of suicide.They only knew what I took because apparently I told either my husband or the EMT worker.
They put off giving me the methylene blue because they thought I was a vegetable and would be brain dead soon.
I felt them cut my clothes off, put ice around my head, my hand fell off the bed ,I only felt it cause they picked it up.
They didn't know I was conscious and as I laid there with all the noise and light I was begging myself to please die, over and over
At the same time I was trying to feel parts of my body on my own. I focused on my left side and trying to feel a finger, eventually I could feel my pointer finger enough to move it twice, they saw and administered the methylene blue,they started opening my eyes ( I couldn't see I was still just my brain in the gold and orange) I couldn't respond to them,I passed out and when I came to I could hear I was in the MRI machine .
my husband and child stayed at home, the hospital called them at 2am to tell them I was moved to ICU was vented but non responsive,they didn't expect me to wake up and if I did that there would likely be brain damage.
They told my husband that they woukd call him when they were going to remove the vent in the morning.
When he didn't get the call he assumed I had died.
inwoke up no tube, I asked where my husband was,they said on his way.
I passed back out.
The next thing I knew he and my son were there, they stood across the room, didn't say anything and I was in shock so just told them about the experience,then they left,no hugs or love yours or anything.
pretty sure disappointed i lived.
I was in ICU for two days, I had a catheter,my pee was dark purple, I was hooked up to a ecg nonstop,was on oxygen.
the nurses kept telling me I was a miracle,no one thought I would pull through and be fine.
I developed a cough ,they said from the vent but turns out I tested positive for Covid,I caught in the ICU.
I was moved to the psych ward and was there for 2 weeks and sent home
i woukd try again but no tell anyone,I thought I was close enough to dead to not be alone I was wrong and then was alone anyway
More pictures
it doesn't matter why.
I took the SN at 7:00pm,I took about 26 grams.
I mixed it with cola and with Iced tea.It didn't hide the taste at all, it was horrible.
I sat in the chat room in Sanctioned Suicide, while laying on my bed watching Gilmore Girls.
I felt my heart rate get faster, I saw my finger tips going blue.
I only felt like I would vomit if I moved around, getting up felt dizzy or unsteady.
I was getting tired,just sleepy and peaceful,other then being sad.
I turned off the chat and deleted my history.
At 7:50,I felt close to passing out, I was losing track of time. I thought I was close enough that it was safe to message my husband who was downst ,I said come lay down with me and hold my hand.He didn't reply.
I sent messages to my adult children and told them I loved them, my one child asked if I was killing myself,I said yes.He was in the house too, he came in and asked where I put his shirt lol,I was confused at that point and said I didn't know.
He went and told my husband that I was going to kill my self,so my husband came upstairs.
He asked what I as ding and I said dying and I just wanted him to hold my hand so I wouldn't die alone,he questioned again what I was doing but I was tired so I told him I took the poison and I likely didn't have much time left.
He kept screaming that he hated me, walked out of the room saying " what do I do" my son said he wasn't going to call 911 and if my husband wanted to he could.
He called.
I got out of bed and went to use the bathroom,but I passed out on the floor of the doorway to the bathroom.The next thing I knew was the ambulance was there.
My husband said they took 20 mins to get there.Then another 15 minutes before loading me.
I heated the EMS workers asking me the typical Covid questions, I tried to answer but I was in and out of things. I couldn't move at all, it was like being paralyzed but I could feel when someone touched me but I couldn't move.
The EMS we're yelling at me to get up and walk but I could not ,they warned that they were going to drag me out.
Im 215lbs. I didn't care I couldn't move, I felt them lift me into a bag type stretcher.
next thing I knew I was in the ambulance,the EMS moved my hand to my face and tried to put a vomit bag in my hand but I couldn't hold it, I puked all over him.
The next thing I knew I was at the hospital,they were intibating me, I felt the whole thing ,I still couldn't move,I couldn't open my eyes.All the conversation from my house and the ambulance came flooding in as background noise, I heard my son whisper loudly in my ear that he loved me, I thought he was in the ER with me.
I could hear at the same time what the doctors and nurses were saying all while the background noise was coming in,it was like my brain was trying to play catch-up with what I wasn't taking in before.
I was just my brain and it was bright gold with flickering orange Color's and crackling like bacon frying.
I heard the nurses discussing where I got the SN, the hospital had never seen this type of suicide.They only knew what I took because apparently I told either my husband or the EMT worker.
They put off giving me the methylene blue because they thought I was a vegetable and would be brain dead soon.
I felt them cut my clothes off, put ice around my head, my hand fell off the bed ,I only felt it cause they picked it up.
They didn't know I was conscious and as I laid there with all the noise and light I was begging myself to please die, over and over
At the same time I was trying to feel parts of my body on my own. I focused on my left side and trying to feel a finger, eventually I could feel my pointer finger enough to move it twice, they saw and administered the methylene blue,they started opening my eyes ( I couldn't see I was still just my brain in the gold and orange) I couldn't respond to them,I passed out and when I came to I could hear I was in the MRI machine .
my husband and child stayed at home, the hospital called them at 2am to tell them I was moved to ICU was vented but non responsive,they didn't expect me to wake up and if I did that there would likely be brain damage.
They told my husband that they woukd call him when they were going to remove the vent in the morning.
When he didn't get the call he assumed I had died.
inwoke up no tube, I asked where my husband was,they said on his way.
I passed back out.
The next thing I knew he and my son were there, they stood across the room, didn't say anything and I was in shock so just told them about the experience,then they left,no hugs or love yours or anything.
pretty sure disappointed i lived.
I was in ICU for two days, I had a catheter,my pee was dark purple, I was hooked up to a ecg nonstop,was on oxygen.
the nurses kept telling me I was a miracle,no one thought I would pull through and be fine.
I developed a cough ,they said from the vent but turns out I tested positive for Covid,I caught in the ICU.
I was moved to the psych ward and was there for 2 weeks and sent home
i woukd try again but no tell anyone,I thought I was close enough to dead to not be alone I was wrong and then was alone anyway
More pictures
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I wish I could do something for you.❤
