BridgeJumper
The Arsonist
- Apr 7, 2019
- 1,194
Yeah.
Thought my world has ended when I first became depressed. Badly depressed. To the point where I refused food and water, refused to wash myself, could only rock myself or lie facedown in my bed crying. Depression so bad I needed rehabilitation to learn to walk on my own again. All day all night completely zoned out, just fantasizing about making that jump. I thought this was the absolute worst I could ever feel
Haha, nope! Life will always find a way to fuck me over sideways. Physical illness has entered the chat. And not even one that gives you sympathy points, no. No cancer, no missing leg. No questions if Im alright, just that Im a drama queen. Because guess what, if you cant see my illness that means it doesnt exist.
I wrote on here about how I effectively destroyed my ears, but I cant get help because nobody cares. Psych docs said Im fine and Im making myself sick on purpose for attention, regular docs dismissed me cause of my mental health record, 'shes mental so its apparently in her head' lol.
Vertigo sucks. I cannot even begin to describe how much this fucking sucks, I cant even. And no, its not normal people dizzy. Im not overdramatic when I ask my parents to pick me off the ground cause I cant walk because my room is a whirlpool and everynight I cry myself to sleep throwing up in plastic bags, so sick Im breaking out in sweat, but no, nothings wrong with me. Nobody cares. Im too sick to even leave my room yet alone plan ctb. Im too sick to exist. And being put down by my parents who believe Im making shit up for attention is breaking my heart, and Im so angry at this world because my balance is gone and even a stupid short walk to grocery store is a struggle, and I just wish someone deleted me because after all the gaslighting from doctors Im not gonna try to get help for this anymore.
That was it. Thank you for listening. Words cannot describe how much I hate my life.
Thought my world has ended when I first became depressed. Badly depressed. To the point where I refused food and water, refused to wash myself, could only rock myself or lie facedown in my bed crying. Depression so bad I needed rehabilitation to learn to walk on my own again. All day all night completely zoned out, just fantasizing about making that jump. I thought this was the absolute worst I could ever feel
Haha, nope! Life will always find a way to fuck me over sideways. Physical illness has entered the chat. And not even one that gives you sympathy points, no. No cancer, no missing leg. No questions if Im alright, just that Im a drama queen. Because guess what, if you cant see my illness that means it doesnt exist.
I wrote on here about how I effectively destroyed my ears, but I cant get help because nobody cares. Psych docs said Im fine and Im making myself sick on purpose for attention, regular docs dismissed me cause of my mental health record, 'shes mental so its apparently in her head' lol.
Vertigo sucks. I cannot even begin to describe how much this fucking sucks, I cant even. And no, its not normal people dizzy. Im not overdramatic when I ask my parents to pick me off the ground cause I cant walk because my room is a whirlpool and everynight I cry myself to sleep throwing up in plastic bags, so sick Im breaking out in sweat, but no, nothings wrong with me. Nobody cares. Im too sick to even leave my room yet alone plan ctb. Im too sick to exist. And being put down by my parents who believe Im making shit up for attention is breaking my heart, and Im so angry at this world because my balance is gone and even a stupid short walk to grocery store is a struggle, and I just wish someone deleted me because after all the gaslighting from doctors Im not gonna try to get help for this anymore.
That was it. Thank you for listening. Words cannot describe how much I hate my life.
Last edited:
