I think tonight is the night

[Banquo501]

I think tonight might actually be the night I just go for it. I've gone over everything in my head, and I'm pretty sure that this is the right choice for me. I no longer consent to being part of this world and I'm going to do my best to make sure I don't wake up tomorrow morning.

I have the SN and the AEs, I have decided against antacids as the wiki states these can stop you from passing out (unless I've misread it.) I really want to make sure I pass out. I don't have access to sedatives or anything unfortunately, but I do have a crap tonne of codeine which I could take. I don't want to over egg the pudding and cause vomiting though.

I'm feeling a calm nervousness about it all now, with my only concern being that I won't succeed or that I will be discovered too soon. I estimate that if I take the SN at around 3am, I have around an 8 hour window before anyone will check on me.

I will write a couple of notes to loved ones before I go, and then hopefully that will be it. Is there anything I'm missing?

 

[LastRide]

I'm not an expert in the SN technique, but I wish you good luck, not too much pain and eternal peace ! I wish I was ready with getting things sorted in my life and could follow you immediately....I'm feeling a little jealous !

 

[Indieblue]

I hope you rest in peace.

 

[AlreadyGone]

Good luck

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I think tonight might actually be the night I just go for it. I've gone over everything in my head, and I'm pretty sure that this is the right choice for me. I no longer consent to being part of this world and I'm going to do my best to make sure I don't wake up tomorrow morning.

I have the SN and the AEs, I have decided against antacids as the wiki states these can stop you from passing out (unless I've misread it.) I really want to make sure I pass out. I don't have access to sedatives or anything unfortunately, but I do have a crap tonne of codeine which I could take. I don't want to over egg the pudding and cause vomiting though.

I'm feeling a calm nervousness about it all now, with my only concern being that I won't succeed or that I will be discovered too soon. I estimate that if I take the SN at around 3am, I have around an 8 hour window before anyone will check on me.

I will write a couple of notes to loved ones before I go, and then hopefully that will be it. Is there anything I'm missing?

Sorry to hear this, I was hoping you'd turn from this. If this is your choice then I hope your suffering ends. But if you stay after all, I know you will be welcome here.

 

[Jean4]

I'm not trying to stop you... but please read this before you rule out antacids.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/stans-guide-to-sn.27535/

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

I wish you luck and I hope everything is peaceful and goes according to your plan. I'm sending lots of love your way and I hope you're 100% confident in this decision. We will miss you

 

[Nem]

All the best in your decision whatever it turns out to be
Peace/hugs

 

[Banquo501]

Sorry to hear this, I was hoping you'd turn from this. If this is your choice then I hope your suffering ends. But if you stay after all, I know you will be welcome here.

Thanks for the kind words, I am getting a bit more nervous as the day goes on, but if I'm honest I've felt far more at peace today, since taking a decision, than I have done for weeks.

As I said, nerves are setting in though.

I'm not trying to stop you... but please read this before you rule out antacids.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/stans-guide-to-sn.27535/

Thanks, I do have some rennees, so I will re read all the info tonight before I do anything.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I don't see that you're missing anything, except for why you're pretty sure but not certain. That could be a subconscious reminder there is something important you've overlooked or need to deal with first.

Just because you've stated your intention out loud to ctb tonight does not mean you now have to follow through. No one here will hold it against you if you decide the time is not right. I hope you won't hold it against yourself, either.

 

[Banquo501]

I don't see that you're missing anything, except for why you're pretty sure but not certain. That could be a subconscious reminder there is something important you've overlooked or need to deal with first.

Just because you've stated your intention out loud to ctb tonight does not mean you now have to follow through. No one here will hold it against you if you decide the time is not right. I hope you won't hold it against yourself, either.

Thanks, I've got a few hours left before I need to commit to this route, I'm just going to try and enjoy the evening with my family and not over think things all night. I will have time for that later. Like you say if I change my mind, it's not the end of the world.

Can I just say, that this place has been so welcoming and understanding. I know I've not been here long, but I really do feel supported, and have been encouraged to think carefully as well as seek help should I want it. The offers to talk in PM from several users have been very kind, even if I have been a little shy to take the up the offers.

 

[mesohappy]

I wish you peace and relief,love and light.No matter which fork of the road you decide to travel.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Thanks, I've got a few hours left before I need to commit to this route..

Hey Love..u don't have to commit to this route. Take some time n enjoy the fam this evening n see how u feel after..

 

[Banquo501]

Hey Love..u don't have to commit to this route. Take some time n enjoy the fam this evening n see how u feel after..

I know, by commit, I mean for the timings to work out tonight. I can really leave things any later than 4am if I want to go through with it. If I haven't pressed the big red button by then things will have to be postponed.

Don't worry, I won't be letting the clock make the decision for me.

 

[Lostandfound7]

OK. For now, Plz just focus on enjoying the time out with the fam..

 

[yuvo]

Hey please think about his carefully, don't make an Impulsive decision

 

[Banquo501]

Thought I'd give you guys an update. Looks like tonight isn't the night after all. Cannot bring myself to do this tonight, and ended up breaking my fast, and having a few drinks. Probably best I don't attempt this in my current state.

Sadly, the calmness from earlier has now faded and I'm once again anxious about my future. I think my only timeframe for this is going to be weekends, and next weekend is out of the question. I saw an idea on here earlier about the 29th, that might be a good date to aim for idk. The thought of going on that long makes me feel sick.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

I'm glad to see you're taking a pass on tonight. 8 hours is probably on the short end of time to be alone. Just in case you're one of those folks who stays unconscious for a long while before the bus finally stops to pick you up.

Don't panic about making it forward a while. We'll be here to talk to in the meantime.

Hang in there!

 

[SuicideBoys93]

Don't feel bad, I go back and fourth all the time. Sometimes in my thoughts of sadness, and anger I'm quick to jump to the conclusion that I need to just go. I then think about pretty good days like today that I had, where I wouldn't of had because I wouldn't of been around. It's a constant battle in my head on staying, and leaving. Message me if you need anything, I try to check the page often.

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

I know you said you're not going to do it tonight, but I hope you find peace at some point, whatever that may be and in whatever you decide.

 

[Soul]

@Banquo501, I'm glad you've chosen to wait. Please take extra-good care of yourself as you contemplate what you want to do next. x

 

[Banquo501]

Really wish I'd kept my nerve last night.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Really wish I'd kept my nerve last night.

I know but I'm glad u took some time to think things over, just to make sure u have everything n r not rushed..Get some rest my friend

 

[Banquo501]

Would genuinely drink the solution right now if I had any chance of being undisturbed long enough for it to work. Just wish I could have the next best thing and at least sleep for the next few hours or so.

 

[Lostandfound7]

I know.I hope u feel betta tomorrow..