Venting I think tonight is the night.

[ryandyin]

I think tonight is gonna be the night that I finally follow through with the partial hanging method. Im not scared of death anymore, I've accepted every harsh reality about doing this that i've needed to face, and I still think this is the right decision. I have my note written, and im going to text my friends that i love them or something before I do it (just because writing an individual note for all my friends seems like a lot of work that i dont think i have the ability to focus on right now.) Everyone else in the house is asleep and there's nobody awake to stop me. I had a good final day today, I hung out with some friends and just smoked weed and fucked around on guitar for a bit and had some good laughs. I also got to cuddle with my girlfriend which is always a plus lol. Even thought ive had a good day thought im still back to feeling like this. It always comes back to me feeling like this. Hopefully if i can muster up the courage to successfully CTB tonight, i wont have to deal with it anymore.


edit from later: I tried multiple times and all that happened was that i got that unbareable exploading head feeling and i couldnt stand it long enough for me to pass out. i cant even fucking die right.

 

[Etherealdignity333]

I think tonight is gonna be the night that I finally follow through with the partial hanging method. Im not scared of death anymore, I've accepted every harsh reality about doing this that i've needed to face, and I still think this is the right decision. I have my note written, and im going to text my friends that i love them or something before I do it (just because writing an individual note for all my friends seems like a lot of work that i dont think i have the ability to focus on right now.) Everyone else in the house is asleep and there's nobody awake to stop me. I had a good final day today, I hung out with some friends and just smoked weed and fucked around on guitar for a bit and had some good laughs. I also got to cuddle with my girlfriend which is always a plus lol. Even thought ive had a good day thought im still back to feeling like this. It always comes back to me feeling like this. Hopefully if i can muster up the courage to successfully CTB tonight, i wont have to deal with it anymore.

What happened that pushed you over the edge?

 

[trigzter]

Good luck if you decide its time. Be careful with the texts to your friends as to not arouse suspicion

 

[ryandyin]

What happened that pushed you over the edge?

Im not completely sure to be honest. These thoughts have just come back after a while of me thinking that they were gone. Im just realizing that things don't ever really get better for people like myself. Sitting all alone in my room has just shown be how truly alone I am in this world. I might have friends and people i can talk to and hang out with, but at the end of the day its my responsibility to save myself and i cant do it.

Good luck if you decide its time. Be careful with the texts to your friends as to not arouse suspicion

Thank you. I usually text my friends once in a while just to check in with them and remind them that i love them cause they struggle with their mental health too, so they probably wont think anything is unusual.

 

[Kvotheloner]

One of the things I've struggled with is giving myself permission to do it. I know I wont get better, I've felt this way my whole life. But once I hit my 30s I almost immediately stopped caring about other peoples thoughts on the matter. I remember being in so much pain in my 20s about it.

 

[The Mute Viking]

Dude we must be linked. I'm doing the exact same thing with some minor changes.