I think my only goal in life is to be dead

[violetdevil]

My mom is the only person in my life that never ignores me.
I feel so alone. The only person that I can really talk to about my problems is a therapist. I truly don't have a support system. im so angry sometimes and lash out at others. I guess I just want to feel seen and heard.
I never want to have another panic attack that causes my heart rate to shoot up to 180-200 bpm. It's one of the scariest things you'll ever experience. If I'm dead I won't have to suffer anymore. I try to exercise and take meds but nothing is working. I don't know if therapy will help me at this point but I think I'm going to go see a therapist. I just don't think I can be fixed and I don't want to live the rest of my life with mental health issues that severely impact my quality of life.

I wish killing yourself was easy

 

[ipmanwc0]

yeah it's terrible i've had panic attacks too

 

[puella]

I'm here for you. I can't provide the same help a therapist can give you, but I promise I will never ignore you. And it's also totally okay for you to ever lash out at me, I understand. I see you; I hear you; you're not alone.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope you can figure out a way together with ur therapist to improve you life. It's so true living can be so torturous while dying is even more difficult.

I hope you find peace.

 

[Gleysson]

I've had ideation for a long time. I've had therapists since I was 5. I've only found a therapist that understands me and gives me actual useful advice when I was 22. I've taken two medications through three years. I felt like shit. Absolute shit. Then I found another psychiatrist, she changed all my meds and I improved (after a very long battle helped by my therapist and now my optimized meds). Maybe you just didn't find your therapist yet. Keep on trying, maybe someone comes up and helps you in a significant way.

That's also true with meds. There are a plethora of meds. Try others, talk to your psychiatrist, change psychiatrists. No one holds the absolute truth. Who knows, maybe things get better. A suport system needn't be a physical thing. The internet has a lot of cruel, sick and egotistical people, but there is also space for friendship. Maybe anonymity is where you find your support group. You can vent about everything and no one will know it's you. Death can stay on your mind. No problem. But maybe something other comes by. Maybe it keeps on going. Maybe something unexpected happens and your support system turns physical. People may die and disappear, but they keep on inside of us. Gather them like pieces of your story, even if they don't have names.

Try and find your people. Take your time. Feel what you want to do.

I remember the panic crisis very well. I stayed paranoid for 3 whole months after one came by. The mental pain was unbearable. Confusion and a shit storm of feelings you can't name. Haven't had them since I optimized everything. My brain still finds some ways to fuck with me every now and then, but my therapist and psychiatrist are wonderful and keep me in check until I'm better again.

My PMs are always open! I may take some time to respond, but don't feel forgotten. My schedule is just all over the place

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

People don't realise how severe panic attacks can be. They can often be terrifying, especially if they have elements of depersonalisation and derealization.
I have suffered from them since childhood, although they are nowhere near as bad as they used to be.
I guess I have just gotten used to them.
It's also despicable how people ignore you when you are suffering, I'm so sorry you are going through this.
Meds never really worked for me too.
I hope something like cognitive behaviour therapy works for you.
I know it can be of some help with a good therapist.

 

[Bacon and Baseball]

My mom is the only person in my life that never ignores me.
I feel so alone. The only person that I can really talk to about my problems is a therapist. I truly don't have a support system. im so angry sometimes and lash out at others. I guess I just want to feel seen and heard.
I never want to have another panic attack that causes my heart rate to shoot up to 180-200 bpm. It's one of the scariest things you'll ever experience. If I'm dead I won't have to suffer anymore. I try to exercise and take meds but nothing is working. I don't know if therapy will help me at this point but I think I'm going to go see a therapist. I just don't think I can be fixed and I don't want to live the rest of my life with mental health issues that severely impact my quality of life.

I wish killing yourself was easy

feeling heard isn't nothing, that's for sure. Sometimes you just need to vent

 

[violetdevil]

I'm here for you. I can't provide the same help a therapist can give you, but I promise I will never ignore you. And it's also totally okay for you to ever lash out at me, I understand. I see you; I hear you; you're not alone.

I appreciate this but it's not okay for me to lash out at others.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also wish it's straightforward to leave this existence, it really would prevent so much meaningless and unnecessary suffering, it's dreadful how people have to suffer so much.