I think I’ve found the solution !!

[timetodie24]

I know those in control don't want me to speak to MH nurse tomorrow when I'm supposed to have appointment. I'd end up saying too much then be made to hurt the nurse. Then for breaking the rules, multiple people in my family will become ill and die.
I've had plenty warnings and evidence they'll follow through. Also, i'm under covert surveillance (helicopters and microchip) and this had been increased so I can't hide it from them.
Been decoding the message they gave me a little while ago 'not for 1 , for 6 , for none' (through thought control and voices in my head)
Not 4 1 = 1 4 = 14th june
Not 4 6 = 4+6 = 10
4 none = 40 = 10:40 am (if 24hr clock)
So date and time which is not long before the appt. would be so makes sense to do that instead . That then corresponds with the bit I already decoded about method
(Obviously won't name it here but the numbers also represent a particular road name).

So I think that means have to go to the highway to ctb tomorrow at that time.

I'm just lonely and afraid so needed to share it somewhere. Please don't waste your time trying to diagnose me or talk me out of it. Already explained in other threads that I'm not unwell and have evidence I am really a targeted individual.

 

[Tesha]

You've stated you're not going to accept advice, so just know we're here if you need.

The MH nurse and team are also there for you.

Hope you make the decision to speak to them tomorrow.

 

[nevermeant2b]

Think your referring to gang stalking phenomenon. I'd run it past the mh nurse

 

[locked*n*loaded]

What is schizophrenia?
Schizophrenia is a serious mental illness that affects how a person thinks, feels, and behaves. People with schizophrenia may seem like they have lost touch with reality, which can be distressing for them and for their family and friends. The symptoms of schizophrenia can make it difficult to participate in usual, everyday activities, but effective treatments are available. Many people who receive treatment can engage in school or work, achieve independence, and enjoy personal relationships.

 

[Esokabat]

I recently talked to someone here who got N from Peru and he said he is planning to CTB due to his S.
So it seems that some people can be aware of their S.
How did they become aware? I would like to ask them but I don't want to be insensitive.

How do people go from being unaware to aware? What does that look like?

 

[Onelegman]

I recently talked to someone here who got N from Peru and he said he is planning to CTB due to his S.
So it seems that some people can be aware of their S.
How did they become aware? I would like to ask them but I don't want to be insensitive.

How do people go from being unaware to aware? What does that look like?

There are various levels or degrees of schizophrenia, not all of it is paranoid or so pronounced in all patients. Not everyone may be able to become aware of their condition, even with treatment and medication.

 

[ferrie]

I'm really sorry that you feel so lonely and afraid. No one deserves to go out like that, and I really hope that you are able to get some help without putting yourself or anyone else at risk. You'll be in my thoughts

 

[timetodie24]

You've stated you're not going to accept advice, so just know we're here if you need.

I'm really sorry that you feel so lonely and afraid. No one deserves to go out like that. You'll be in my thoughts

Thank you both for your kindness.
Wishing you both peace

 

[Tesha]

Did you manage to go to your appointment? Hope everything is as well as it can be, given the circumstances.

 

[timetodie24]

Did you manage to go to your appointment? Hope everything is as well as it can be, given the circumstances.

So um still alive, somewhat unsurprisingly to everyone, I was a coward again.
I went to appointment and shared most of what was going on. She said she can't diagnose but thinks it's psychosis and will refer me to the EIP (early intervention in psychosis) team.
I'm skeptical. She just wants get drs to control me. Not sure what I'm going to do now/next tbh. I regret it as now a punishment is coming and people will die. Wish I could take it back.

 

[Tesha]

You're not a coward. Far from it.

I know you don't want to hear this, but I'm pleased you had the courage to speak with her and that you're going to get some support. They won't punish you, your family or friends, although I appreciate you may not think that right now. It's also ok to be sceptical - waiting to see what happens is the hardest part.

We're still here if you need to vent.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I recently talked to someone here who got N from Peru and he said he is planning to CTB due to his S.
So it seems that some people can be aware of their S.
How did they become aware? I would like to ask them but I don't want to be insensitive.

How do people go from being unaware to aware? What does that look like?

Lucidity and insight can fluctuate pretty rapidly and easily. It's possible that his was sort of controlled and he had enough insight to know he didn't want that kind of life.

 

[drearysunrise]

I think it was incredibly brave of you to go to your appointment and share more of what's been going on with the nurse despite your fears about it. I'm wishing the best for you

 

[Esokabat]

I also think it is very courageous of you to share things with the nurse. You should be proud of yourself. I think you did the correct thing. Sometimes it is hard to know what is the right decision but I firmly believe that you made the right choice. No need to feel regret, you were brave.

 

[ferrie]

I'm so glad that you went to the appointment and were honest with her. I know you don't think it's psychosis, but I really think being able to talk to specialists will help you make sense of all the stimuli you're receiving. I'm sorry that you regret it, but I hope you're able to find some relief from the stress you've been under. There's nothing cowardly about backing out. If anything it was incredibly brave that you were honest

 

[timetodie24]

Fuck it. Back to planning how I can end this asap in a way that fits the code words.
MH practitioner lied, didn't get the text she said she would send and consultation notes should come up straight away on patient access app. They didn't so she's either hidden them from me or not put them on system at all. She's clearly working with those in control and has sent everything I said to them . She kept the notes I wrote for her so it has everything I shared on there. 2 of my relatives have became ill already since I shared it so exactly what they warned would happen did. My foot is hurting from the device they put in too. The evidence in mounting up , this is a coercive control and surveillance scheme, this can't be psychosis . Not listening to 'professionals' on anyone elses bullshit again. Look at the damage that has already been caused.

 

[ferrie]

Fuck it. Back to planning how I can end this asap in a way that fits the code words.
MH practitioner lied, didn't get the text she said she would send and consultation notes should come up straight away on patient access app. They didn't so she's either hidden them from me or not put them on system at all. She's clearly working with those in control and has sent everything I said to them . She kept the notes I wrote for her so it has everything I shared on there. 2 of my relatives have became ill already since I shared it so exactly what they warned would happen did. My foot is hurting from the device they put in too. The evidence in mounting up , this is a coercive control and surveillance scheme, this can't be psychosis . Not listening to 'professionals' on anyone elses bullshit again. Look at the damage that has already been caused.

Is it possible that she won't send the text until Monday? Most people don't work over the weekends & unless she's a crisis specialist she most likely doesn't. You could always contact the office & ask for an update on the notes, they can't withhold your medical documentation from you. Has the EIP team contacted you? I would urge you to wait until Monday before making any major decisions. I'm sorry to hear about your relatives, and I hope they make swift recoveries. Did you tell the MHP about the pain in your foot? Hopefully something can be done to relieve that

 

[timetodie24]

Is it possible that she won't send the text until Monday? Most people don't work over the weekends & unless she's a crisis specialist she most likely doesn't. You could always contact the office & ask for an update on the notes, they can't withhold your medical documentation from you. Has the EIP team contacted you? I would urge you to wait until Monday before making any major decisions. I'm sorry to hear about your relatives, and I hope they make swift recoveries. Did you tell the MHP about the pain in your foot? Hopefully something can be done to relieve that

It's possible as I assume she only works weekdays. But I don't trust her anyway . I could ask gp receptionist to check if she's sent referral but i don't care as I don't want it. They can actually legally withhold parts of medical notes here (england) if they feel it would cause harm.
I haven't heard from EIP but wouldn't expect to yet. They only work weekdays too and they aim to offer assessment within in 2 weeks of referral. I don't trust that she will contact them as i have reason to believe she is sending info to others or maybe there's someone on the EIP team so I can't trust them either. But if she does send referral, it might not be sent / read until monday if she's busy or finished it late.
The pain just started today.
Thank you

 

[ferrie]

It's possible as I assume she only works weekdays. But I don't trust her anyway . I could ask gp receptionist to check if she's sent referral but i don't care as I don't want it. They can actually legally withhold parts of medical notes here (england) if they feel it would cause harm.
I haven't heard from EIP but wouldn't expect to yet. They only work weekdays too and they aim to offer assessment within in 2 weeks of referral. I don't trust that she will contact them as i have reason to believe she is sending info to others or maybe there's someone on the EIP team so I can't trust them either. But if she does send referral, it might not be sent / read until monday if she's busy or finished it late.
The pain just started today.
Thank you

The UK has such odd medical laws. Hopefully that all sorts itself out for you. Have you tried anything to help alleviate the pain in your foot? That must be so annoying to walk around feeling that. When I was a teenager, I got a piece of metal stuck in my foot that had to be removed & the only thing that helped was elevating it with ice. Hopefully there's something easy to take away at least some of the discomfort!

 

[wyo777]

I recently talked to someone here who got N from Peru and he said he is planning to CTB due to his S.
So it seems that some people can be aware of their S.
How did they become aware? I would like to ask them but I don't want to be insensitive.

How do people go from being unaware to aware? What does that look like?

Yhmm, i feel really sorry for people with mental problems, also starting to have them. But please keep in mind that people with S are not legit source of information. Peru and N is like a dream, for people with S can be only dream and story....

 

[Wolf Girl]

I worked as a peer counselor for years and have heard great things about early intervention psychosis programs, so I hope you decide to give it a try for a few months before deciding on ctb. Good luck.

 

[sombie]

I know those in control don't want me to speak to MH nurse tomorrow when I'm supposed to have appointment. I'd end up saying too much then be made to hurt the nurse. Then for breaking the rules, multiple people in my family will become ill and die.
I've had plenty warnings and evidence they'll follow through. Also, i'm under covert surveillance (helicopters and microchip) and this had been increased so I can't hide it from them.
Been decoding the message they gave me a little while ago 'not for 1 , for 6 , for none' (through thought control and voices in my head)
Not 4 1 = 1 4 = 14th june
Not 4 6 = 4+6 = 10
4 none = 40 = 10:40 am (if 24hr clock)
So date and time which is not long before the appt. would be so makes sense to do that instead . That then corresponds with the bit I already decoded about method
(Obviously won't name it here but the numbers also represent a particular road name).

So I think that means have to go to the highway to ctb tomorrow at that time.

I'm just lonely and afraid so needed to share it somewhere. Please don't waste your time trying to diagnose me or talk me out of it. Already explained in other threads that I'm not unwell and have evidence I am really a targeted individual.

I've got paranoid schizophrenia and that sounds like me when I am having a manic episode

 

[timetodie24]

I've got paranoid schizophrenia and that sounds like me when I am having a manic episode

Sorry you went through that. It's not the case for me. Just like one person may have a delusion they're being stalked, and no evidence. Another person may be healthy and genuinely being stalked with evidence for this. But they both strong believe they're stalking victims.
I.e the same thoughts in different people can be completely different with context.
I have evidence to back mine up so not psychosis or schizophrenia .