i think its time...

[spenshart]

im not sure when. but ive decided that im going to attempt to ctb. i have SN, it has been in my possession for about a week now. it has gotten to that point. my house will be empty for an entire week after today. my father is going on holiday to cape verde with his girlfriend, my mum is worried about my mental health but she wouldn't come and see me if i stopped replying, my girlfriend and i are going through what i think is the end, on my terms, she wants to love me but i said that i cant let myself and my negative thoughts self sabotage and waste her time and her life. Im off work sick as im suffering currently with a major flu.

So really i think its the perfect time for me to go.

Within the next few days, i will start the 48 hour regimin. As i mentioned above, I have my SN, I have my antiemetics from the doctor about my current flu (worked out pretty well timing wise if i dont say so myself), i have my beta blockers from my GP, prescribed for my diagnosed migraines. I have regular painkillers of course, paracetamol, I just need my antacid which i will pick up from boots tomorrow. (popular uk pharmacy shop). I dont have benzos so i will just have to deal without them.

So basically i have everything i need and ive decided that i think my time on this earth has surpassed and i really just despise being here anymore i really fucking hate it.

Im just curious about one thing. I have 200g of SN. from DMC. Obviously i know that i need to dissolve 25g in plain water like 3 times just incase but how am i meant to weigh it out? So i know exactly how much im putting in each 100ml of plain water. im guessing it comes crystalised and not in powder form. I havent opened my box yet so im unsure. Please if anybody knows from experience or from another person please let me know. I want to plan this out perfectly and it will be more ease of mind for me if i know what im doing with this.

I will be available to replies for a few days so i would really appreciate any form of advice on my above paragraph, but after that if all goes well this will be my last post/interaction on SaSu.

I also want to say thanks to members of these forums for providing me with dark entertainment to make me feel somewhat normal whilst it lasted. I hope that everybody on here gets what they want and if they are looking for it, finds their peace.
for those wondering, my SN is from DMC. my antiemetic is domperidone, my beta blockers are propranolol.

 

[ForestGhost]

Some kind of scale would definitely help with weighing out the SN; a cheap kitchen one would do fine. If you don't have anything like that and can't acquire one, you're looking for about 12 mL of SN by volume, which is a bit less than a tablespoon (though not sure if that's a commonly used unit in the UK).

Sorry to hear things have reached this point for you. We're here to support you wherever you go from here.

 

[spenshart]

Some kind of scale would definitely help with weighing out the SN; a cheap kitchen one would do fine. If you don't have anything like that and can't acquire one, you're looking for about 12 mL of SN by volume, which is a bit less than a tablespoon (though not sure if that's a commonly used unit in the UK).

Sorry to hear things have reached this point for you. We're here to support you wherever you go from here.

thank you. im sure i could use a kitchen scale yeah. just hope that it doesnt mess with my SN and how it will function.

 

[ForestGhost]

thank you. im sure i could use a kitchen scale yeah. just hope that it doesnt mess with my SN and how it will function.

You could put the cup with the water on the scale, tare it, then add the SN directly to the cup until it reads 25 g

 

[gothbird]

You've clearly spent time preparing. Methodically, even surgically. You're in control, or as much control as one can have in circumstances like this. That clarity is rare. It can also be isolating. I'm sorry you're at this place. But I respect the thought you've given it.

On your technical question: to dose accurately, you'll want a digital milligram scale (preferably one that measures down to 0.01g). They're inexpensive online and often listed under "jeweller's scales." Make sure to calibrate it if you can.
Weigh 25g per dose, then mix it into 100ml of plain room temp water. Stir thoroughly until the crystals are fully dissolved. You already know this but avoid flavoured liquids, and don't refrigerate once it's mixed. Water, plain and neutral, is all you want.
Having 200g gives you enough for backup doses, as you mentioned—though many who've followed the protocol correctly find they don't need the second or third. Still, preparation helps with fear.
The combination of domperidone and propranolol is standard in many people's regimens. You're right that without benzos, you may experience heightened anxiety or physical panic when survival instinct kicks in. Even the most resolved people shake. It is biology, not failure.
One suggestion: keep your dosing and timing routine written down. On paper. Your mind may fog when the time comes. Having steps visible might anchor you if your memory or resolve wavers.
And as for the emotional weight of it all: the estranged relationship, the parental distance, the flu, the exhaustion… you're not dramatic. You're just done. I hear that. You're not selfish, either. You're just trying to keep this clean.

If you go, I hope it's like a bloom returning to the soil. You've weathered storms, cracked petals, heavy stems. And if you're sure it's time, may the ground take you gently. May your breath fade like pollen on a breeze.
But if you stay… that's something, too. Not weakness. Not failure. Just a flower refusing to wilt when it still has light left, even if it's dim. Even if the light is mostly imagined. I think there's courage in blooming again after you've already decided not to.

Whichever garden you end up in—this one or the next—may it be kinder to you than this one was.

 

[spenshart]

You've clearly spent time preparing. Methodically, even surgically. You're in control, or as much control as one can have in circumstances like this. That clarity is rare. It can also be isolating. I'm sorry you're at this place. But I respect the thought you've given it.

On your technical question: to dose accurately, you'll want a digital milligram scale (preferably one that measures down to 0.01g). They're inexpensive online and often listed under "jeweller's scales." Make sure to calibrate it if you can.
Weigh 25g per dose, then mix it into 100ml of plain room temp water. Stir thoroughly until the crystals are fully dissolved. You already know this but avoid flavoured liquids, and don't refrigerate once it's mixed. Water, plain and neutral, is all you want.
Having 200g gives you enough for backup doses, as you mentioned—though many who've followed the protocol correctly find they don't need the second or third. Still, preparation helps with fear.
The combination of domperidone and propranolol is standard in many people's regimens. You're right that without benzos, you may experience heightened anxiety or physical panic when survival instinct kicks in. Even the most resolved people shake. It is biology, not failure.
One suggestion: keep your dosing and timing routine written down. On paper. Your mind may fog when the time comes. Having steps visible might anchor you if your memory or resolve wavers.
And as for the emotional weight of it all: the estranged relationship, the parental distance, the flu, the exhaustion… you're not dramatic. You're just done. I hear that. You're not selfish, either. You're just trying to keep this clean.

If you go, I hope it's like a bloom returning to the soil. You've weathered storms, cracked petals, heavy stems. And if you're sure it's time, may the ground take you gently. May your breath fade like pollen on a breeze.
But if you stay… that's something, too. Not weakness. Not failure. Just a flower refusing to wilt when it still has light left, even if it's dim. Even if the light is mostly imagined. I think there's courage in blooming again after you've already decided not to.

Whichever garden you end up in—this one or the next—may it be kinder to you than this one was.

wow that was very thoughtful and meaningful message. thank you for taking your time to write that. and yes to put it in your words i am just done lmao i am tired and ready for a deep deep sleep.

 

[BeijaFlor]

im not sure when. but ive decided that im going to attempt to ctb. i have SN, it has been in my possession for about a week now. it has gotten to that point. my house will be empty for an entire week after today. my father is going on holiday to cape verde with his girlfriend, my mum is worried about my mental health but she wouldn't come and see me if i stopped replying, my girlfriend and i are going through what i think is the end, on my terms, she wants to love me but i said that i cant let myself and my negative thoughts self sabotage and waste her time and her life. Im off work sick as im suffering currently with a major flu.

So really i think its the perfect time for me to go.

Within the next few days, i will start the 48 hour regimin. As i mentioned above, I have my SN, I have my antiemetics from the doctor about my current flu (worked out pretty well timing wise if i dont say so myself), i have my beta blockers from my GP, prescribed for my diagnosed migraines. I have regular painkillers of course, paracetamol, I just need my antacid which i will pick up from boots tomorrow. (popular uk pharmacy shop). I dont have benzos so i will just have to deal without them.

So basically i have everything i need and ive decided that i think my time on this earth has surpassed and i really just despise being here anymore i really fucking hate it.

Im just curious about one thing. I have 200g of SN. from DMC. Obviously i know that i need to dissolve 25g in plain water like 3 times just incase but how am i meant to weigh it out? So i know exactly how much im putting in each 100ml of plain water. im guessing it comes crystalised and not in powder form. I havent opened my box yet so im unsure. Please if anybody knows from experience or from another person please let me know. I want to plan this out perfectly and it will be more ease of mind for me if i know what im doing with this.

I will be available to replies for a few days so i would really appreciate any form of advice on my above paragraph, but after that if all goes well this will be my last post/interaction on SaSu.

I also want to say thanks to members of these forums for providing me with dark entertainment to make me feel somewhat normal whilst it lasted. I hope that everybody on here gets what they want and if they are looking for it, finds their peace.
for those wondering, my SN is from DMC. my antiemetic is domperidone, my beta blockers are propranolol.

first off, no

it wouldnt be the perfect time at all

because youre basing it upon your circunstances

your basing it upon external factors around you

youre tryin to make sure, which is understandable but, its not the best for you

the best for you, is what YOU want...

the way YOU want it to end...

no matter how it is...

please, understand... this would be your final moment

WHY THE FUCK would you be caring about who and when and where and whatnots?!

you do YOU, you hear me?!

you do it YOUR OWN WAY

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find freedom from the suffering, I wish you the best.