I think it could look like an accident (trying to formulate a legal lethal cocktail)

[FighterOfTheNightman]

I think I want to try something that wouldn't really leave me too worse for wear in the event I don't die but have a strong chance of dying.

I have bipolar disorder so I have 2 meds available to me which work on GABA type of channels.. Olanzapine and lamotrigine.

If I took too much of those with 1,4-Butanediol I believe that could be enough. Mixing with alcohol could up the odds.

Generally from my experience doing drugs recreationally I think memantine, a long acting NMDA antagonist that takes on effects akin to a more steady long lasting dissociative experience.

A dissociative and GHB (metabolized from 1,4-BTD) alone might be lethal.. or GHB and alcohol.

I think loading up on memantine, get it into a good trip level.. then taking a shot of 1,4-BTD with some alcohol.. I think that could do it.. in a hotel by myself so I'm not disturbed and I don't get help, just time it right so I pass out well.

One thing about memantine, it is a 5HT3 receptor agonist.. antagonist.. whichever.. but it is potentially anti-emetic in it's own right. I have drank on memantine before and felt like my heart was acting funny and never really puked. Feels hairy.

I think intentionally.. this combo would be a lot like just getting put under. I mean memantine itself is available easily on the clearnet.. doses of like 100mg or more will make you feel as though floating.

I imagine with 1,4-BTD and alcohol introduced passing out would be relatively fast/easy to do.. and then the coupe de gras.. nitrous oxide.

I imagine I could be standing, dancing to some last songs I wanna hear, getting faded fast, as the GHB and booze come on, I take a balloon of nitrous.. With my neck tethered to a bed sheet slung over the closed bathroom door.. If I manage to knock myself out then the slipknot should do the rest.

I think from experience recreationally if I did it in this order..

100mg or so of memantine
2-3 hours later when feeling it, drink some dose that seems overboard of the 1,4-Butanediol with some vodka or some such boozes.
Hell a lot of people die from taking boxes of CCC's (Coricidin Cough and Cold) to trip.

That is another NMDA antagonist like memantine. If you threw a half box of those in there I assume it'd make things more dangerous with the chlorpheneriamine

I have researched these sort of drugs my whole life.. legal highs.. I might be able to find a legal peaceful end that is easy to get..

Note I already have memantine (like 20 grams laying around plenty to OD on, that might be OD-able on it's own who knows a gram of it would be like 10 strong tripping doses) which factors into planning. I figure I could get 1,4-BTD with my resources fairly easy, nitrous carts, a cracker, a rope, etc..

I am plotting lol
TLDR: Thinking of combining a noose with a high dose of memantine (readily available online dissociative anesthetic at high doses) alcohol, a strong sedative like 1,4-BTD, and a hit if nitrous to cap it off.. hoping the cocktail would be fatal on it's own any input is welcome if not to pass out and let a noose do it's work if I could manage to stand up until I couldn't anymore.

I gotta get rid of that survival instinct and pass out into a noose I think.. or exit bag rebreathing nitrous or some such nonsense.
I think I want to experiment with the 1,4-BTD and see how it feels and then I could plan a dose I think would kill me..
Hopefully the noose wouldn't be necessary if I just died from drugs one day that'd seem less like a suicide and more of just my regular life lol

 

[Qbert]

This sounds...complicated. why the nitrous?

 

[FighterOfTheNightman]

The idea is to knock myself out so it's less of a conscious choice to dangle from a rope around my neck. The hard part is actually DOING it..

I don't know my depression comes and goes I'm bipolar.. but my life still sucks the whole time lol I don't know what I'll do. I might get the 1,4-BTD to keep on hand.

I was just trying to either come up with an overdose that would be easier to get than ordering shit from overseas like N or something that might potentially hurt or take hours to work like SN..

Hanging the hardest part is actually doing it, so I thought if I had a noose tied and did enough drugs it knocks me out, the choice part goes away.

 

[k75]

Wouldn't that noose be a dead giveaway that it's not an accident?

 

[FighterOfTheNightman]

Yeah I made this confusing kinda forgot the title when writing it.

I just want a way that works I can go through with. If it was just an overdose without the noose, then I think it could look accidental.. but then I started speculating.

 

[k75]

Gotcha.

I just don't know. I guess you could make it work, but it really just seems super complicated. Lots of potential points of failure. I like simple, myself.

 

[FighterOfTheNightman]

Well I ordered the 1,4-Butanediol

We'll see if I get the gumption to try to OD myself.. I am pretty sure if I did too much and happened to not die, that I'd not do permanent damage.. basically was my original intent..

If I forget about the noose part it might be possible to just put myself down with the 1,4-BTD and memantine combined with some booze or something.. and it'd look to most people like I just overdosed less like suicide.

Basically was looking for a pleasant-ish way out.. I am up and down a lot but I'm really sick of my cycles. I am bipolar AF and I get tired of chasing after a happy mood. My life has turned to shit. I just want rest.

If I decide to try I'll let people know or something.. but I have a feeling with a heavy sedative like GHB going through my system on memantine that it might be enough respiratory depression to kill someone.. and might not need to be conscious for it.