Cringeque3n
Member
- Dec 23, 2020
- 17
I think im finally going to ctb soon and i feel so at peace and ready. I have had SN since mid January i think and ive felt so calm and like everything is gonna be ok, because i know if worst comes to worst i have my way out :D ive been so depressed recently, self harming and crying every day because my big issue is i was molested by my youngest sisters dad between the ages of 15-18 and i can't tell my family for fear they wont believe me or care.. feeling trapped in my room as a grown ass adult because i cant function when my abuser is in my house and watching my family love him breaks me every single day and i just cant live like this. I need to tell my mom to "heal", and i think im finally going to soon. Except, for me, no one knows that if she says one little thing that invalidates me and if she questions me at all then i will ctb that night no question. Im also accepting that once i tell her she could also maybe believe me, but she would confront him and then he'll just come and kill me so I'll be dead and free from this suffering anyway. I just feel like my death is coming soon and im so happy and ready to accept it and be forever 21!
Also, I've been inhaling my SN every day for a couple weeks and am wondering if im harming myself already with it... i jjst open it up and take a couple big whiffs because the label saying "harmful if you breathe it in" gives me a rush, but ive noticed im getting pain in my head a little too often and getting dizzy sometimes, could i be slowly doing it already? Either way im so excited to be off this earth, ive had a screaming urge to tell my mom the past week but my best friends birthday is coming up in a couple days and i figured ill wait so i dont risk killing myself and ruining all her future birthdays because of it. Fighting this urge to just drink the SN every day is getting harder and harder , i can't take another month
Also, I've been inhaling my SN every day for a couple weeks and am wondering if im harming myself already with it... i jjst open it up and take a couple big whiffs because the label saying "harmful if you breathe it in" gives me a rush, but ive noticed im getting pain in my head a little too often and getting dizzy sometimes, could i be slowly doing it already? Either way im so excited to be off this earth, ive had a screaming urge to tell my mom the past week but my best friends birthday is coming up in a couple days and i figured ill wait so i dont risk killing myself and ruining all her future birthdays because of it. Fighting this urge to just drink the SN every day is getting harder and harder , i can't take another month