Venting I think I’m back on the bus stop

[dinosavr]

Not gonna lie, my friends and family are important to me and the idea of hurting them stopped me from going through with my plan to catch the bus in February. I thought I was ready but I wasn't.

I promised my friend I would try therapy. It was important for her so I didn't argue for too long. For now, I've got around 10 sessions left until the end of my contract that I agreed on. I'm planning on finishing it, to be sure that I gave life a chance blah blah blah. That will, hopefully, allow me to avoid SI when I attempt. I want to make sure death is what I need and not hesitate about it.

After feeling a little bit "better" (less symptoms of depression), it all started to come back to me and this time it's stronger.

I think there are no chances I'd ever get rid of suicidal ideation again. It made me realize that my perspective on life and death has changed forever.
It's just my vision of the world now. Not any kind of symptom that I can "heal" from.

So I guess I'm going to prepare to leave this world someday in May or June. I hate summer so the idea of not having to get through another summer of my life makes me feel better <3

Don't know how much it falls into the category of venting when I say that it's relieving but damn it I really begin to be sure that death for so many people is nothing but the best choice and the best thing they can ever wish for.
I hope this time I won't back off.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

Hope you find the peace youre looking for, and hope you remember it's not a race. The beautiful thing about CTB is the bus stop never moves, and you can always go back to it.
There's absolutely no shame in trying things out first, and I for one really advocate it because the experiences, good or bad, shape us.

 

[dinosavr]

Hope you find the peace youre looking for, and hope you remember it's not a race. The beautiful thing about CTB is the bus stop never moves, and you can always go back to it.
There's absolutely no shame in trying things out first, and I for one really advocate it because the experiences, good or bad, shape us.

Sure! I've definitely never planned to rush into anything. Exactly because it's the option that will always remain available. But still, I'm not a fan of life, so having the deadline for it, makes me feel like it's easier to cope with it.
Thank you!

 

[ropearoundatree]

Can definitely relate to not having to go through another Summer-vibes!! So, count-me into~!* ;)
(I'm hopefully going to be gone in the Spring... just for that reason)
-& + ='April is the cruelest month...' Eliot.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best of luck in your plans, I hope that you find the peace you search for.

 

[breezeboy]

Wishing the best for you whatever that may be<3

 

[tomyumgoong]

wishing you the best