Had a huge fight with the wife again. I was at fault, again (surprise surprise). I was calmly accepting my fault and apologetic but she was determined to throw it all on my face, which she rightly can cuz of the loss I caused. Yet again she kept going back to the past, making me bitter, so I lost it. Last week has been terrible on all fronts - health, family, job, other responsibilities. I miserably failed on all counts which now convinces me that am a total and abject failure. Not designed to succeed. Ive never succeeded in anything. I don't want to continue living this lie hoping I'll improve somehow magically someday. This needs strong action and the only option I see is to CTB without further delay. I don't know if I will make the people I leave behind unhappy cuz I've never given them happiness anyways. I don't think I'll be called ungrateful for CTB, cuz that's how Ive been all my living days.
SN seems to be the most possible method for me but given the quantity and pain involved am not sure if I can get it done. Something small (in quantity), accessible, affordable, painless would be the perfect answer to my problem. I really wish there was something like that. Don't know why can't I take responsibility, why can't I grow. I am not motivated to move on or change or mature or progress.... I just want to leave... For everyone's benefit.... Advise
SN seems to be the most possible method for me but given the quantity and pain involved am not sure if I can get it done. Something small (in quantity), accessible, affordable, painless would be the perfect answer to my problem. I really wish there was something like that. Don't know why can't I take responsibility, why can't I grow. I am not motivated to move on or change or mature or progress.... I just want to leave... For everyone's benefit.... Advise
