I can relate to wanting to unload everything and unburden yourself, however, it is a risky move, so I'll give you some advice to consider, this way you would reduce the chances of getting hospitalized or making your predicament worse. Since they are mandated reporters (and based on your posts, it seems like you already know this), they have wide latitude or flexibility in what they consider to be dangerous or harmful, meaning that if they believe (something completely based on their discretion as well as their professional training) to meet that criteria (again different from professional to professional) then they would take action against you. During the times I went (well before I was even on SS forum), I always had an air of apprehension and tension during my interactions with them because I know they are mandated reporters and basically like plainclothes detectives that if you say anything that could result in harm of oneself or others, then they would take action against you (safety plan, commitment, and/or detention, etc.).
As for making an ultimatum, sadly, that's not how it works, mainly for liability and ethical reasons (a mandated reporter could face civil and criminal consequences if they failed to act as well as sanctions from their overseeing board/organization in charge of them). They could at the minimum lose their license to practice and at worst, be criminally charged and perhaps sued for failing to take action. Those reasons alone are already enough for most professionals to be safer than sorry, especially with the stakes high. I'm not trying to defend them, but speaking from facts and experience. Legality and ethics (sadly) overrule a patient's demands and conditions, especially in such a case.
I would certainly not go into too much detail about revenge and wanting to get even (could be perceived as a 'threat' or danger), maybe mention in passing and wording, like using desire words (wish, want, like) rather than action words (will, going to, plan to) as that would make a clear distinction between actual danger versus just venting. In the past, when I did mention about my wanting to get even and what not, I was probed and even questioned on whether I planned to do harm or had means to (many years ago). Luckily I didn't have anything at that time nor did I have any inclination to do so. But just the fact that said professional wanted to probe and start to interrogate me (yes I know it's her job to ensure safety and what not), that alone is enough to put me on the defense and double down on caution of my own thoughts and wording.
Also, I would avoid mentioning having a plan, a method, or an intention to act on it. Talking about thoughts and ideation is fine, but again (personally) I would avoid digging too deep because it is very easy to slip up (accidentally) and pay a hefty price for it. You can mention that you fantasize about it as a way to cope (which is a valid statement).
For me personally, since I know (from experience and research) that these professionals are only going to dissuade me from doing what I wish to do (to CTB), would feed me comfortable lies and delusions (I'm too honest with myself that it just annoys me and does more harm than good) to keep me docile, gaslight and dismiss my real issues, or outright shame me for thinking or behaving a certain way, not in line with societal standards or what is perceived normal, appropriate. Thus, I've have no real use for them and at best, a waste of time and money, at worst, risking my freedom and bodily autonomy.
Anyways, I hope you are able to find peace, be able to unload your woes in a healthy manner as well as avoiding hospitalization, commitment, psych holds for letting off some steam. I hope you are able to find my advice helpful for your situation (even if just a little bit).
if you show signs of recovery they might not. i told my psychiatrist that i physically hurt my husband and i (with fresh wounds to prove it) and im still walking the streets somehow lol
I think for past events (grey area, but to be on the safe side), I would be careful of wording and how I frame it. I believe that if it is done and there is
no imminent risk of danger or harm to others or oneself, then it would remain confidential. However, if it is something that is likely to happen in the future, then they could still intervene and report it.
