Venting I think I will be CTB today

[princeseadove]

I already set my plan in motion: made two nooses just in case, made sure my doorknob is sturdy, cleaned my room, made myself some brownies, have someone tell an online friend of my passing, cleaned my room. I don't want to make it to Monday either. I just can't.

I'm scared, but I'm more scared to live. I'm more scared of having to fsce so much scrutiny and disappointment from my parents. I am dying young, but I know deep in my heart, this will be the same outcome years later. I will regret not doing it. I already am.

I think about how others have faced worse and still survived, or how others faced less and are now dead. But it doesn't really matter as at the end of the day, it's death all around. I can't heal, I don't think I can. But most importantly I don't want to anymore. It sucks to die, but it sucks to live anymore. With BPD, Psychosis, autism, whichever.

I want some reassurance, someone to talk to, and maybe, tell me how you think your heaven will be like? I want to believe that, when I die my soul will go up, and a universe will be created. I believe that's how all universes are created, by the deaths of others. Or I wake up in a world that I was lucky in, because I think if I was just fortunate enough, I wouldn't be dying.

 

[DivineSpark]

I think I am going to hell....evil person like me deserves it...

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope you find peace! Good luck!

 

[princeseadove]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope you find peace! Good luck!

I hope so too, I don't know when I'll do it, whether it'll be night or in a few hours. I'll be getting my rest though

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find peace from suffering, I wish you the best.

 

[princeseadove]

I hope you find peace from suffering, I wish you the best.

Thank you so much, I wish things didnt end this way, but it's inevitable I believe

 

[leandra]

I hope you find peace my friend. Taking ones own life is not an easy choice to make. We certainly wanna live, get married, raise kids and experience whatever life has to offer but at some point you realize that this sort of reality is unlikely for you. I just hope whatever choice you make is the right one. Praying for you

 

[princeseadove]

Thank you so much, it means a lot to me, I thibk this is for the best

 

[deadbidaylight]

I'm sorry that you're hurting and that you've arrived at this conclusion for you. It's always so hard to see the young ones go, but I respect your decision if you feel that it's the right one for you. You are not alone, and you are loved and supported here regardless of the outcome of today.

There is no shame in changing your mind or putting the act off until later. Taking your own life is never a race. Nothing but love and support here, unmet friend.

I am not religious so I don't believe in heaven or hell, but I like to think that when I cross over, all my animals that have passed before me will be waiting on the other end of that rainbow bridge. I have to believe that because it's too painful to think of any other end without seeing them again.

 

[charcoalcat]

I want some reassurance, someone to talk to, and maybe, tell me how you think your heaven will be like? I want to believe that, when I die my soul will go up, and a universe will be created. I believe that's how all universes are created, by the deaths of others. Or I wake up in a world that I was lucky in, because I think if I was just fortunate enough, I wouldn't be dying.

Maybe you transcend to somewhere beyond space time. Maybe your consciousness ascend to be part of a collective whole. Maybe you find yourself in a new body from a parallel world where you are living the best life, and you will never know because memory doesn't follow, but you just feel it. I don't think death is unfortunate. Like you said, death is certain at the end of the day. The only question is how you face it; with fear, resistance, or acceptance. If you recognize that everything ends, then the end itself doesn't need to be terrifying. It just is. You're only embracing the inevitable sooner than later. I'm leaving soon too, I hope we all find what we are looking for.

 

[sombie]

Have some fun before you go,if you are going to CTB,take drugs,go to a sex club,have sex with a prostitute or two,get a loan,go on holiday and never pay it back,I believe if you are going its better to enjoy a little before you go,good luck and stay safe.

 

[OptingOutSmiling]

I'm sorry that your world here has been unfortunate, and that you need to leave. For me, I hope for a chance to return in another life, to be with my person again, or else to find him in my heaven. It is sad for you to go, and like you, I wish it didn't have to end this way. May you find the peace you deserve, in the heaven as you imagine it. You are a kind soul, and a kind universe will be created. I do believe in the goodness of the universe over life, the greater good. I wish you all the best in your journey, wherever that may be, in this universe or the next.

 

[princeseadove]

I'm sorry that you're hurting and that you've arrived at this conclusion for you. It's always so hard to see the young ones go, but I respect your decision if you feel that it's the right one for you. You are not alone, and you are loved and supported here regardless of the outcome of today.

There is no shame in changing your mind or putting the act off until later. Taking your own life is never a race. Nothing but love and support here, unmet friend.

I am not religious so I don't believe in heaven or hell, but I like to think that when I cross over, all my animals that have passed before me will be waiting on the other end of that rainbow bridge. I have to believe that because it's too painful to think of any other end without seeing them again.

I grew up in a very religious household, but strangely enough I don't believe in hell of heaven. I do believe that youll see your pets though, some bits of quantum immortality where you'll find yourself with your pets, memories to the pain lost turned. I don't really want to die so young either, I think I was being so brave against my adversaries for so long, now I think I earned my rest

Maybe you transcend to somewhere beyond space time. Maybe your consciousness ascend to be part of a collective whole. Maybe you find yourself in a new body from a parallel world where you are living the best life, and you will never know because memory doesn't follow, but you just feel it. I don't think death is unfortunate. Like you said, death is certain at the end of the day. The only question is how you face it; with fear, resistance, or acceptance. If you recognize that everything ends, then the end itself doesn't need to be terrifying. It just is. You're only embracing the inevitable sooner than later. I'm leaving soon too, I hope we all find what we are looking for.

Thank you! This was so reassuring! Knowing people who have the same thoughts on post-mortem. The end doesn't seem so dreaded these past few hours, I don't have to think of the future, of the people who will mourn me, or my past, what I could have done, I'm here now, just waiting for it to guide me to my inevitable end.

Have some fun before you go,if you are going to CTB,take drugs,go to a sex club,have sex with a prostitute or two,get a loan,go on holiday and never pay it back,I believe if you are going its better to enjoy a little before you go,good luck and stay safe.

Lol I wish, unfortunately with such a conservative town I can't go anywhere like that. Dying a virgin blows LMAO, but whatever happens now, I feel more relaxed having the future in my hands

I'm sorry that your world here has been unfortunate, and that you need to leave. For me, I hope for a chance to return in another life, to be with my person again, or else to find him in my heaven. It is sad for you to go, and like you, I wish it didn't have to end this way. May you find the peace you deserve, in the heaven as you imagine it. You are a kind soul, and a kind universe will be created. I do believe in the goodness of the universe over life, the greater good. I wish you all the best in your journey, wherever that may be, in this universe or the next.

Thank you so much, I hope whatever universe is created from my death, it wouldn't be so painful as this one. Where whoever is "me" will be able to live to the fullest, writing and doing art with love and support

 

[Freebandzgang]

Im going to ctb on tuesday, I hope i become a star, maybe i will meet you somewhere in the afterlife. I always get reassurance from knowing that hundreds of billions of people have died before me in much worse circumstances, im not scared at all. Please make sure you have practiced and have everything tested beforehand. You will be in a lot more pain if this fails. I hope you find peace.

 

[leandra]

Have some fun before you go,if you are going to CTB,take drugs,go to a sex club,have sex with a prostitute or two,get a loan,go on holiday and never pay it back,I believe if you are going its better to enjoy a little before you go,good luck and stay safe.

Whats the point of going through these experience if there is no one to share em with, if your not gonna remember them in the future and share them with friends and family

 

[princeseadove]

I'm sorry that your world here has been unfortunate, and that you need to leave. For me, I hope for a chance to return in another life, to be with my person again, or else to find him in my heaven. It is sad for you to go, and like you, I wish it didn't have to end this way. May you find the peace you deserve, in the heaven as you imagine it. You are a kind soul, and a kind universe will be created. I do believe in the goodness of the universe over life, the greater good. I wish you all the best in your journey, wherever that may be, in this universe or the next.

Thank you so much, I hope whatever universe is created from my death, it wouldn't be so painful as this one. Where whoever is "me" will be able to live to the fullest, writing and doing art with love and support

Im going to ctb on tuesday, I hope i become a star, maybe i will meet you somewhere in the afterlife. I always get reassurance from knowing that hundreds of billions of people have died before me in much worse circumstances, im not scared at all. Please make sure you have practiced and have everything tested beforehand. You will be in a lot more pain if this fails. I hope you find peace.

I'm glad I'm able to reassure someone at the very least. I'm trying to practice everything and be sure that I will succeed, because you're right, I will be in a lot of pain if this fails. I hope you find peace as well

Whats the point of going through these experience if there is no one to share em with, if your not gonna remember them in the future and share them with friends and family

I mean you can always share it here, but rather I think it's just for the sake of pleasure. Even if you are alone