I think I have officially lost my mind

[BlueMeanie88]

I think I have really lost my mind. I tried to commit suicide by overdosing with everything in my moms medicine cabinet when I was 16. She is a nurse and to be honest I have no clue what pills they were. It had to be over 200 pills of god knows what. All I remember is passing out on a step stool in the kitchen and coming in and out to my step dad splashing milk in face and trying to force me to drink the milk. I didn't go to the doctor because my mom was too embarrassed to have her coworkers know her kid tried to kill herself. I woke up a few days later surrounded by vomit and urine. My mom then yelled at me to get ready for school. I guess I'm rambling. Long story short, not really, I think I died that night and am currently in some kind of hell. Idk. My life has always been filled with misery. I'm so confused. I have been googling obituaries to see if I can find myself. I think I've officially cracked

 

[Rez_MbChB]

you're not in hell.
at least not in the biblical sense, unless we are all here, which tbh wouldnt surprise me

 

[Broken Chimera]

What kind of mom says that to their kid after a suicide attempt?! She cared more about her what her co-workers would think than her own child? Trust me, if you're messed up, you've had a lot of help getting there. But you're not. You've just been through a lot of shit, like most of the people here.

 

[Orin]

I think I died that night and am currently in some kind of hell.

I've thought about this too. In grade school i got hit by an errant baseball to the head and lost consciousness. After this life seemed to become a living hell.

She cared more about her what her co-workers would think than her own child?

My dad once told me dismissively "Just forget about those things" (he was referring to the stuff that bothering me)

So being a wise-guy, i said "Ok, then i want electroconvulsive therapy." (adverse effects include memory loss)... (and i was serious btw)

He declined. Most likely because he's a well known doctor in our small town and the only nearby ECT was at an asylum.

 

[whyidon'tknow]

I am sorry you had to go through that.

 

[kolski]

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. I can't imagine how horrid that must of been.

I understand how you feel in a way; I feel like I'm insane. My head is all over the place and most of time it's like I can't control my own mind anymore.

 

[ExitTheDay]

Sorry you had to go through this and your mother should really be more understanding of you, she left you to sit in your own vomit and urine for days on end? That's sickening as a mother to be honest

 

[inconsequential]

I relate to you. Oh man.

I've thought I was dead since I was 14. I took a fuckload of pills; something like 100 300mg Trazodone tablets and a bunch of other shit, and the vodka that was in my mini fridge.

I woke up four days later. My skin felt spongey, my urine was dark brown, & it seemed like the bags under my eyes became permanent that day. My mom and dad were pissed. I got hit for taking his sleeping pills etc. Nobody ever took me to the hospital.

This is hell. This has to be hell. Unless it's heaven. And then we're all fucked.

 

[JoeFailure]

I've thought about if this is hell. That I got to experience some of the great things in life and now I know I likely won't ever.

Even that I could take if not for all the crazy anxiety. I feel a lot like the world is pushing me out.

 

[BlueMeanie88]

I relate to you. Oh man.

I've thought I was dead since I was 14. I took a fuckload of pills; something like 100 300mg Trazodone tablets and a bunch of other shit, and the vodka that was in my mini fridge.

I woke up four days later. My skin felt spongey, my urine was dark brown, & it seemed like the bags under my eyes became permanent that day. My mom and dad were pissed. I got hit for taking his sleeping pills etc. Nobody ever took me to the hospital.

This is hell. This has to be hell. Unless it's heaven. And then we're all fucked.

That's horrible. I got hit too. My step dad didn't talk to me for over a month. Not one word. He was ashamed and mad at me. My mom threw my suicide note at me and mocked it.
I'm sorry you went through that painful experience. It's hard to let all of that go. At least for me. What pushed you over the edge when you were 14?

I've thought about if this is hell. That I got to experience some of the great things in life and now I know I likely won't ever.

Even that I could take if not for all the crazy anxiety. I feel a lot like the world is pushing me out.

It's hard trying to function with anxiety. Especially if you feel that nobody around you understands you. Sometimes i feel as though I'm pushing myself out leading me further into self hatred

Sorry you had to go through this and your mother should really be more understanding of you, she left you to sit in your own vomit and urine for days on end? That's sickening as a mother to be honest

Thank you for making my feelings feel validated.

What kind of mom says that to their kid after a suicide attempt?! She cared more about her what her co-workers would think than her own child? Trust me, if you're messed up, you've had a lot of help getting there. But you're not. You've just been through a lot of shit, like most of the people here.

Sorry you had to go through this and your mother should really be more understanding of you, she left you to sit in your own vomit and urine for days on end? That's sickening as a mother to be honest

Im sure she has been through a lot to make her become the type of mother she is.
I just don't think I'm mentally as strong as others to make it through all the misery.

you're not in hell.
at least not in the biblical sense, unless we are all here, which tbh wouldnt surprise me

I wish I was. At least it would all make sense

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. I can't imagine how horrid that must of been.

I understand how you feel in a way; I feel like I'm insane. My head is all over the place and most of time it's like I can't control my own mind anymore.

I feel completely insane also. I feel so fake all the time. If only people knew the things going through my mind

I've thought about this too. In grade school i got hit by an errant baseball to the head and lost consciousness. After this life seemed to become a living hell.






My dad once told me dismissively "Just forget about those things" (he was referring to the stuff that bothering me)

So being a wise-guy, i said "Ok, then i want electroconvulsive therapy." (adverse effects include memory loss)... (and i was serious btw)

He declined. Most likely because he's a well known doctor in our small town and the only nearby ECT was at an asylum.

What's your relationship with you dad now if you don't mind me asking. You don't have to answer if you feel it's out of line.
I'm sorry for what you went through

 

[inconsequential]

That's horrible. I got hit too. My step dad didn't talk to me for over a month. Not one word. He was ashamed and mad at me. My mom threw my suicide note at me and mocked it.
I'm sorry you went through that painful experience. It's hard to let all of that go. At least for me. What pushed you over the edge when you were 14?

I'm sorry that you went through that as well. My parents never found my note, and if they did, they didn't care. A friend even called during the 4 days; mom told them I was just asleep.

I got tired of my dad touching me and my mom threatening me and kinda snapped.

 

[BlueMeanie88]

I got tired of my dad touching me and my mom threatening me and kinda snapped.

That breaks my heart for you