I think I can say, tentatively, that I am out of the woods for now

[Bedrock48]

2021 was a very messy year for me, I tried to ctb a couple times and put myself in dangerous situations a lot of times too. Wasn't a year I thought I'd survive and I just decided that was it. I've been going to a group called "Living Skills" which is DBT based therapy. I've learnt a lot over these 8 weeks and I've still got 2 more to go. Now that the stress of Christmas is over I feel like I can breathe again and will all the interventions I've had I don't feel suicidal at the moment. Life is still a struggle and I'm a little tired of it but it's bearable at the moment. These are not words I thought I'd be saying right now but damn I'm happy about it.

The tipp skill (temperature, intense exercise, paced breathing and progressive muscle relaxation) has probably been the most useful getting me through those crisis, life or death kinda nights. I particularly like temperature where I submerge my head in a bowl of cold water for 15-30 seconds to activate the dive reflex and calm myself. I've also been working on taking time to try and do things that I can enjoy in hopes to make the bad times seem less all encompassing.

There's quite a few things this year I hope I get to experience so I'm just trying to set my focus on those for now and see what happens. Having the right to die, along with other help, has given me the chance to live again.

 

[medjooled11]

I am proud of you. You are stronger than you think.

Sending warmth and many hugs :)

 

[timf]

Getting some success under your belt is a solid foundation upon which to build.

 

[princesssaidso]

Getting some success under your belt is a solid foundation upon which to build.

I agree. There's nothing worse than not having the initial foundation of:: how I got here; where do I start; etc.. then not knowing anyone else on the same ship.

 

[Bedrock48]

I am proud of you. You are stronger than you think.

Sending warmth and many hugs :)

Thank you so much :)

Getting some success under your belt is a solid foundation upon which to build.

I love this, appreciate it

 

[milly]

Happy for you. Recovery is not in the horizon for me.

 

[princesssaidso]

Happy for you. Recovery is not in the horizon for me.

It made my day to get your responses. I have not felt heard in a long time. Especially when it comes to recovery / opioids / ctb etc no matter how I say it - and this wasn't my initially thread and I feel I took the thunder from ^^^^^timf and Bedrock48 (btw when I said ur name to myself and typed it out / I began singing the finest ones song. lmao)

 

[milly]

It made my day to get your responses. I have not felt heard in a long time. Especially when it comes to recovery / opioids / ctb etc no matter how I say it - and this wasn't my initially thread and I feel I took the thunder from ^^^^^timf and Bedrock48 (btw when I said ur name to myself and typed it out / I began singing the finest ones song. lmao)

Aww you are welcome @princesssaidso !!

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm pleased for you that things got better. I wish you the best.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

That is terrific news.

Getting through the day is enough. Anything after that, especially if it makes you happy, is even better.

It really does "feel good to feel better." Even if that is the corniest, cheesiest line ever.

We're here when you need us - down and up!

 

[NotSureToEndure]

Cold water is surprisingly effective isn't it! I keep planning to go sea swimming more. A lot of people do it round here, even in winter, and I hear it's incredible for mental health and resilience. I do feel exercise helps a lot, even if it feels hard in the beginning. I think we're designed to move, and be exposed to extremities, and if we don't allow ourselves to be exposed, we can fall into holes. I mean I guess you could fall into a hole, physically, if you got too adventurous, but still, it's better to live fast than die slow hey xD

I'm glad you're on the up, and I hope 2022 turns out to be a better year for us all <3

 

[Bedrock48]

Apologies it took me a bit to get back to this thread but I've been taking a half break from the site, just to make sure I maintain my position for a little longer. Still feeling pretty alright, been a tough few days of processing some trauma and getting help for physical ailments but all in all not terrible.

Happy for you. Recovery is not in the horizon for me.

Thank you, it takes time and sometimes a lot of pain but I will be rooting for you all the way if you are able to at least try and pursue it. Small steps can lead to big changes. I still don't believe I'm fully in recovery myself but the position I'm in is a hell of a lot better than the previous year. All the best and try and be kind and compassionate to yourself, I know how hard that can be when you're struggling.

I'm pleased for you that things got better. I wish you the best.

Appreciate it, even if this only lasts a few months I'll take it. Its a new kinda power feeling like I actually have a little control over life instead of life just relentlessly pummelling me into the ground. After 2020 I didn't expect to feel this way but I'm so glad I do. For better or worse I now have options. I'm so thankful for this site in many ways. I wish you the best too, I often see you around the site and keep an eye out to see how you're getting on. I hope maybe you'll find some relief somehow too.

That is terrific news.

Getting through the day is enough. Anything after that, especially if it makes you happy, is even better.

It really does "feel good to feel better." Even if that is the corniest, cheesiest line ever.

We're here when you need us - down and up!

These comments are really making me smile, I wasn't sure what responses would be like to this post lol. Sorry if I am replying more to others than not, I'm just kinda writing what comes to mind so ig a lot of this stuff could apply to everyone. Very cheesy but also a very accurate statement. I'm most glad just to be out of some of the repetitive feedback loops and thought patterns that mental illness has a nasty habit of keeping me in. A weight off my shoulders not constantly being in, gotta get through this hour, gotta get through this day, just keep pushing, oh god am I gonna make it, phew I made it day in and day out.

Cold water is surprisingly effective isn't it! I keep planning to go sea swimming more. A lot of people do it round here, even in winter, and I hear it's incredible for mental health and resilience. I do feel exercise helps a lot, even if it feels hard in the beginning. I think we're designed to move, and be exposed to extremities, and if we don't allow ourselves to be exposed, we can fall into holes. I mean I guess you could fall into a hole, physically, if you got too adventurous, but still, it's better to live fast than die slow hey xD

I'm glad you're on the up, and I hope 2022 turns out to be a better year for us all <3

Yeah its a neat trick to have up your sleeve. I've sometimes just sat out in the rain for 10/15 minutes. I hope so too, these past couple years have been miserable on so many levels. Everyone deserves a break.

 

[Sherri]

That's great news, keep up the good fight. Never go down without a hell of a fight first.

 

[Bedrock48]

That's great news, keep up the good fight. Never go down without a hell of a fight first.

You know it! That's always what I've been aiming for and I'm sticking to it :)

 

[Sherri]

Go for that fight give that invisible war the middle finger dust yourself off and fight. I wish you good luck with all my heart, been there too. It's not gonna be easy but you can do it if you try hard,