Venting I think I am actually going to die.!

[Lara Francis]

I have just recieved a copy of my psychological assessment completed for the court and there are some positives but also some one liners that speak volumes.

When she did a report first time,she thought my recovery was possible but she is no longer confident.
She thinks i must be so f up because recommends Dbt followed by intensive psychotherapy.like ive got time for all that!
She thinks that i have not dealt with the loss of my husband.
She says that i am still unable to properly appreciate the extent to which my distress,my risk of self harm and suicide damage my son So i am screwed!
She also states that she would be gravely concerned about my safety if he did not come home ! Hey arent you clever!
Sometimes we try so hard but its never enough.I proberly have about 6 weeks left now.I feel very deflated and know my time is nearly up.
Its very sad but a real reality now.
I told my friends that i wish to go to the court hearing alone (my intention is to ctb right away should things go bad).
My friends say i am not going alone and i have been told the mental health team will be on high alert.
Please help me to chose what is right.
Do i tell my friends the wrong time,but they may check! Or do i just do one to a unknown location,call the social worker to find out the result then ctb or do i go to court knowing that i will not respond to bad news and will definately be sectioned.
This was lifes last chance,im not saying its a done deal but i am not hopeful at all.
She says i idolize my husband but atm i hate him for all this shit and pain he has caused and when i go to heaven i really hope not to see him.!
I am in such a dark place and need to fly!
FUCK EVERYTHING x

 

[1234dave]

What method are you using if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Soul]

Beautiful Lara, I don't know what to say except that I feel for you and wish I could help you somehow. (((Hugs)))

 

[not_a_robot]

The phrase "a little power is a dangerous thing" describes social workers perfectly. I know one (she's not even my fucking caseworker just a nasty busybody) who describes being treated like shit by a social worker when she got busted for neglecting her kids, gets teary about it, waterworks, sniffles, the whole show.
Does this all as part of an act she puts on to try to manipulate clients she wants to screw over. I have seen her do it a couple of times, still have no clue if any of it is real. She does it when she's pretending to be my friend because she thinks she can get me to admit I'm faking being disabled. Except I'm not faking, so obviously it's exhausting, tedious.
I admit I tease them and fuck with their heads quite mercilessly. It passes the time.

But they are diabolical. Sorry about your kid.

 

[overandout]

Lots to think about Lara. You still have 6 weeks to think things through, see how you feel as the weeks progress. If you feel you will react strongly if it results in a negative outcome then perhaps it will be best to stay away. So sorry that you are in this situation. Wish we had a magic wand for you.

 

[SinisterKid]

I am somewhat of a masochist and I say, do the hearing crap, take it from there. Assumptions about outcomes are so seldom correct. If its a positive outcome, you need to be around to take advantage of it, even if you think/believe that there is only 1% chance of the outcome being positive. OK, so the report is not great, yet it is also not damning either. If you believe you can function and be a supportive mother if your child was around, then you fight with everything you have for that. If not, then maybe its best that in the short term at least, your child will be with someone who can protect them.

I honestly think, the more you can show the people who make the decisions that you have support systems, the more likely you are to receive a positive outcome. Allow people to be there to support you, its never a bad thing whichever way you look at it.

I cannot pretend to understand your situation, I dont have kids, but I can have tremendous empathy with your situation and I hope with every ounce of my being that you get the outcome you hope for.

 

[TiredHorse]

I say, do the hearing crap, take it from there. Assumptions about outcomes are so seldom correct. If its a positive outcome, you need to be around to take advantage of it, even if you think/believe that there is only 1% chance of the outcome being positive.

This.

I honestly think, the more you can show the people who make the decisions that you have support systems, the more likely you are to receive a positive outcome. Allow people to be there to support you, its never a bad thing whichever way you look at it.

And this.

Well said, @SinisterKid.

Don't pull your money back when the dice haven't stopped rolling. There's still a chance for a win.

 

[Person]

They've put me in psychotherapy too, for the same reasons! How fucking fantastic for both of us.
I'm so sorry, I really wish I could offer some advice, but obviously I don't know any better. Life is awful.

 

[Lara Francis]

I am somewhat of a masochist and I say, do the hearing crap, take it from there. Assumptions about outcomes are so seldom correct. If its a positive outcome, you need to be around to take advantage of it, even if you think/believe that there is only 1% chance of the outcome being positive. OK, so the report is not great, yet it is also not damning either. If you believe you can function and be a supportive mother if your child was around, then you fight with everything you have for that. If not, then maybe its best that in the short term at least, your child will be with someone who can protect them.

I honestly think, the more you can show the people who make the decisions that you have support systems, the more likely you are to receive a positive outcome. Allow people to be there to support you, its never a bad thing whichever way you look at it.

I cannot pretend to understand your situation, I dont have kids, but I can have tremendous empathy with your situation and I hope with every ounce of my being that you get the outcome you hope for.

Hi.
I really can function and be a great and supportive mum.I love my boy so much but i just hope the judge will give me the chance.
Thanku for your kind words x

They've put me in psychotherapy too, for the same reasons! How fucking fantastic for both of us.
I'm so sorry, I really wish I could offer some advice, but obviously I don't know any better. Life is awful.

What is psychotherapy like ?

 

[Person]

Hi.
I really can function and be a great and supportive mum.I love my boy so much but i just hope the judge will give me the chance.
Thanku for your kind words x

What is psychotherapy like ?

I haven't been yet, first session is Wednesday. Not looking forward to it.

 

[LaBrava]

Hi.
I really can function and be a great and supportive mum.I love my boy so much but i just hope the judge will give me the chance.
Thanku for your kind words x

I really hope you can find the strength to pull through this and carry on. I really feel that even if things don't go as you hope in the short term, I'm certain that in the long term you will be able to maintain and build your relationship with your son and find a way and the bond between you is a precious thing that your son will benefit from as he grows up.

 

[Lara Francis]

I haven't been yet, first session is Wednesday. Not looking forward to it.

I hope it goes ok.x

What method are you using if you don't mind me asking?

Not sure atm.