i still want to ctb even though i have “no reason”

[perfumeonmyneck]

no matter how objectively "good" my life is i still think about killing myself. i can't get it out of my head. its like i need to do it to feel something again. i have a good social circle, i have a bf who i love, my relationship with my mother is better than ever, school is going okay, everything is objectively "good"! so i have no reason to do it but i can't stop thinking about it.

 

[mapleboy]

I can definitely relate to this, it's such an odd feeling. I have the opportunity to make my life better and improve my mental health but part of me doesn't want any of it. I'm scared of finally having happiness and stability. I'd rather kill myself to avoid even more heartbreak once the good times inevitably end.

 

[pain6batch9]

This could be OCD. I would suggest going to see a professional, maybe even your doctor and telling them about it. They might give you a referral.

Also, I could be completely wrong.