I still cry

[F7Y801]

I lost the love of my life, my career, my home and all hope of a future nearly 3 years ago. I spent a year in prison because of my own fucking stupid choices. All this time later, I still cry, I still hate myself. Am I pathetic?

 

[Sleepdrifter]

You're human, we all make mistakes. It is normal to hate yourself for bad decisions. But we're not perfect and you're not pathetic.

 

[jodes2]

Oh man. Prison for a year must have sucked!! Mind if I ask what you did? At least you had a roof over your head, I guess. What was it like?

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really awful what you've been through, it must be hard to deal with, it's true that existing certainly can be torture. But anyway, best wishes.

 

[Forever Sleep]

No- of course you're not pathetic. It sounds like you've been through hell. Anyway- I think it's good to cry- it releases some of that pent up pain. I feel like it's FAR worse to just hold it all in. I'm sorry you've been through so much.

 

[leloyon]

Better than being unable to cry. I first noticed I couldn't 3 years ago. I wish I could.

 

[F7Y801]

Better than being unable to cry. I first noticed I couldn't 3 years ago. I wish I could.

I say "cry" but I'm much the same as you. I feel like I should but no tears appear

 

[leloyon]

I say "cry" but I'm much the same as you. I feel like I should but no tears appear

It feels like I'm just stuck at a barrier. I get so close but never pass the threshold to actually cry. I feel the tears forming but they never come.

 

[Viranamari]

No, you are far from pathetic. People hate themselves for making bad choices but that's alright. Existence itself is suffering and you seem to be going through it. Would you mind sharing why you were in jail for one year? But anyways, good luck, I hope things get better for you.

 

[MentalStefan]

I'm sorry you went through so many tragedies. Certainly you are not pathetic. It's normal to feel anger and/or sadness when one come across something we consider failure or experience a loss. It's even normal to hate oneself! Everybody makes mistakes. It's a hard but very true fact about every living person in this world. The most important thing is that you realise you did a bad thing and want to improve. Learning lessons from tragedies and failures is coded within our nature. Whole evolution is based on this scheme. Of course you have the right to cry and hate as much and long as you need but remember one thing. The longer you dwell on the past and things which are impossible to change, the more you delay the moment when you start fixing up things and finally feel better. When the most intense emotions fade away, start self-improving and figuring out ways to live a better life than you had.