Venting I should’ve died

[CuriousAboutThis]

I should've died,
In this world,
Or should've never been born,
Played by girls,
Who claim to care about me,
Abused, used, and lied to,
Fucked by the system,
I should've let someone,
Kill me please,
I don't know why I was born,
In this damn world,
Ashley and Zoey,
I don't know who the right choice is,
Both of them have blackmailed me using evidence against me,
I was so smart yet so stupid,
To believe girls even liked me,
I don't know what the right words are,
I lost my ability in terms of precognition dreams,
I've been trying to recollect all my dreams,
Memories, we call that craziness,
Nowadays I question it all,
Is it because I am the nice guy and try to tell girls what they want to hear?
What am I to this world or to the people,
Dream about girls, memories of girls, even nightmares of girls, even in reality, even in the games and pranks we used to play.

I wonder if all my pain and suffering is worth it or am I just better off dead I won't be able to commit suicide or be able to get murdered,
Because someone will always intervene rightfully and or wrongfully,
The pain I feel,
It is too real,
The love I feel maybe real,
Or maybe it is just a dream,
Dream I want to be a reality,
I don't mind the real world,
A world without dreams is just not worth living,
In my opinion,

Or perspective,
Whatever word you say,
This world will be the death of me,
Me being dead,
Is something,
That might be necessary.
Kill me please not gonna happen.
"You're not asking for suicide you're looking for someone to murder you no one here is going to do that.

 

[JustAboutDone]

@CuriousAboutThis are you ok? Who is zoey?

 

[21Neberg]

I think you're very talented. It's certainly far better written than I ever could.

 

[CuriousAboutThis]

@CuriousAboutThis are you ok? Who is zoey?

Two girls that I liked but I don't think Zoey really likes me in that sort of way I have been going through so many traumas in the past that some of the people who care have been trying to recreate the scenarios of the past to help me remember correctly because all of the abuse that I supposedly deserved that I brought this upon myself.

Plus the blackmails of what happened I've been through and through the system so many times as a slave by it to the point where I don't think I should be alive I won't die I know I did multiple suicide attempts.

 

[JustAboutDone]

You sound like you've been through an awful lot :-(
the blackmail alone sounds horrendous. I don't think anyone can deserve that sort of treatment. Do you think re-creating the scenes helps you at all?

 

[CuriousAboutThis]

You sound like you've been through an awful lot :-(
the blackmail alone sounds horrendous. I don't think anyone can deserve that sort of treatment. Do you think re-creating the scenes helps you at all?

It does but I am just afraid of saying the wrong words and making things worse for myself or for everyone I know deep down that everyone just wants to help I don't remember correctly I don't want to harm anyone or myself anymore.

 

[JustAboutDone]

It does but I am just afraid of saying the wrong words and making things worse for myself or for everyone I know deep down that everyone just wants to help I don't remember correctly I don't want to harm anyone or myself anymore.

I'm sorry that you're hurting. I'm sure you haven't harmed anyone as badly as you think you have. I'm glad you have people around you that want to help you, that's a good thing. Are you able to keep busy?

 

[First loss]

Join incels.is you are welcome bro

 

[brighter]

I should've died,
In this world,
Or should've never been born,
Played by girls,
Who claim to care about me,
Abused, used, and lied to,
Fucked by the system,
I should've let someone,
Kill me please,
I don't know why I was born,
In this damn world,
Ashley and Zoey,
I don't know who the right choice is,
Both of them have blackmailed me using evidence against me,
I was so smart yet so stupid,
To believe girls even liked me,
I don't know what the right words are,
I lost my ability in terms of precognition dreams,
I've been trying to recollect all my dreams,
Memories, we call that craziness,
Nowadays I question it all,
Is it because I am the nice guy and try to tell girls what they want to hear?
What am I to this world or to the people,
Dream about girls, memories of girls, even nightmares of girls, even in reality, even in the games and pranks we used to play.

I wonder if all my pain and suffering is worth it or am I just better off dead I won't be able to commit suicide or be able to get murdered,
Because someone will always intervene rightfully and or wrongfully,
The pain I feel,
It is too real,
The love I feel maybe real,
Or maybe it is just a dream,
Dream I want to be a reality,
I don't mind the real world,
A world without dreams is just not worth living,
In my opinion,

Or perspective,
Whatever word you say,
This world will be the death of me,
Me being dead,
Is something,
That might be necessary.
Kill me please not gonna happen.
"You're not asking for suicide you're looking for someone to murder you no one here is going to do that.

I really hope something good happens to you. You sound like you're in a lot of pain.