Venting I Should be Gone

[Unattainable666]

This may be long and I apologize upfront. If any of you have read my posts you know a good portion of my story. I hate my life, I hate the decisions I've made in my life. Again, I have fucked myself. I was hoping for a new start. New job, new location near the beach which I love. My depression has deepened. I don't know why I'm still here. I now have everything I need to ctb - my release, my relief. My method is sure proof - no turning back - Ill be gone in two seconds or less. I know i have no future. Nothing but loneliness, sadness, tears, depression. Not much of a life. On the other side is my little girl who I know has been waiting for me. It's such an effort to even get out of bed anymore. I was hoping to have a heart attack but it appears my heart is strong. I don't know if it's SI or not. I am going to wait for the weekend - thats the worst time for me. I know I'll ctb during an episode of my depression. It probably won't be something planned too much SI. My biggest regret - I never found anyone to love me. Pathetic I know. But I'm trying to be honest with you all and myself. Would I choose to live if someone cared about me? Yes I would give it another shot. But, I'm old and it's too late for me. I hear Christina calling my name. Thanks for listening.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I just feel so bad for you. You made all that effort to restart your life some place new. I'm so sad things feel no better for you.

It's not pathetic to wish to be cared for and loved. It's a natural human want. The worst of all is- you sound like such a wonderful, caring person with so much to give. I've sadly come to the pessimistic conclusion though that this world is like that. Some of the best people I have known have ended up alone. It's so sad.

I'm going to miss you here when you go but, I respect your decision. I hope it's peaceful. I can understand your want to be with your daughter.

 

[Unattainable666]

I just feel so bad for you. You made all that effort to restart your life some place new. I'm so sad things feel no better for you.

It's not pathetic to wish to be cared for and loved. It's a natural human want. The worst of all is- you sound like such a wonderful, caring person with so much to give. I've sadly come to the pessimistic conclusion though that this world is like that. Some of the best people I have known have ended up alone. It's so sad.

I'm going to miss you here when you go but, I respect your decision. I hope it's peaceful. I can understand your want to be with your daughter.

Thank you so much for your kind words. Maybe I can impose upon you and ask you to keep the 40 plus folks motivated? You all have become my family and I am so grateful for that. Thank you.

 

[mortuarymary]

I just feel so bad for you. You made all that effort to restart your life some place new. I'm so sad things feel no better for you.

It's not pathetic to wish to be cared for and loved. It's a natural human want. The worst of all is- you sound like such a wonderful, caring person with so much to give. I've sadly come to the pessimistic conclusion though that this world is like that. Some of the best people I have known have ended up alone. It's so sad.

I'm going to miss you here when you go but, I respect your decision. I hope it's peaceful. I can understand your want to be with your daughter.

I love what this statement says. I'm sending a hug xxxxx

 

[Forever Sleep]

Thank you so much for your kind words. Maybe I can impose upon you and ask you to keep the 40 plus folks motivated? You all have become my family and I am so grateful for that. Thank you.

I will try. I don't think I'll do as good a job as you. My heart breaks for all the really kind and wonderful people like you who are driven to this point. I'm so sad but I understand completely why you want out.

 

[Mayonaise]

I wanted to say something "emotional" but @Forever Sleep's words are so beautiful I won't add anything more.
From a rational perspective, I would only say that you don't deserve to go "during an episode of depression".
I think it would be better if you left with as much serenity as possible, cherishing your daughter's memory instead of drowning in despair.
But it's up to you, only you know what's best. I hope my words don't sound disrespectful.
If you're planning to post a goodbye, I'll do my best to be around when the time comes

 

[Unattainable666]

I wanted to say something "emotional" but @Forever Sleep's words are so beautiful I won't add anything more.
From a rational perspective, I would only say that you don't deserve to go "during an episode of depression".
I think it would be better if you left with as much serenity as possible, cherishing your daughter's memory instead of drowning in despair.
But it's up to you, only you know what's best. I hope my words don't sound disrespectful.
If you're planning to post a goodbye, I'll do my best to be around when the time comes

You're 100% right.

 

[iusedtobehappy]

I hope you hang around a bit longer. I know what you're feeling and I know how hellish it is. At the worst moments we want to pull a rope out or anything that will work and just desperately stop or at least try to. Those moments can feel excruciatingly painful. Believe me, I get it. I feel in my heart that you deserve peace, whether that is peace here or somewhere else, the beyond whatever that is. I believe Christina is being looked after. No afterlife would leave a child unattended. If I'm honest, I can't be sure she isn't right there with you. If you look it up, there are tons and tons of research showing that "here" and "there" exist simultaneously on top of each other but in different vibrations. The lower the vibration (how we are here) the more the materialization. So we SEE objects and people. The vibrations minus the physical bodies are just lighter and less subject to gravity but because our eyes see only 3D (is it 3D?) we can't see past that, even though the person might be right there. TBH, I have seen two "spirits". A long time ago before my own vibration dropped, but I did see them. They were very much alive.

Go to Youtube and the Hacking The Afterlife series. I mean if nothing else, they really are incredibly interesting. One of the hosts has been studying the afterlife for most of his life, and he's not young. Also, on YT the Scole Investigations, which I'll link here. I think you will find that one particularly interesting. They did a lot of connecting mothers with their children. Just hold tight, pop some popcorn, wrap up in a blankie and watch. Right here with you. You are not alone

https://www.youtube.com/@RichMartini

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm so sorry that life is so rough to you and all your efforts for a new start failed recently. Life ist often so unfair. I wish you all the best and hope you find peace.

 

[HD72]

This may be long and I apologize upfront. If any of you have read my posts you know a good portion of my story. I hate my life, I hate the decisions I've made in my life. Again, I have fucked myself. I was hoping for a new start. New job, new location near the beach which I love. My depression has deepened. I don't know why I'm still here. I now have everything I need to ctb - my release, my relief. My method is sure proof - no turning back - I'll be gone in two seconds or less. I know i have no future. Nothing but loneliness, sadness, tears, depression. Not much of a life. On the other side is my little girl who I know has been waiting for me. It's such an effort to even get out of bed anymore. I was hoping to have a heart attack but it appears my heart is strong. I don't know if it's SI or not. I am going to wait for the weekend - thats the worst time for me. I know I'll ctb during an episode of my depression. It probably won't be something planned too much SI. My biggest regret - I never found anyone to love me. Pathetic I know. But I'm trying to be honest with you all and myself. Would I choose to live if someone cared about me? Yes I would give it another shot. But, I'm old and it's too late for me. I hear Christina calling my name. Thanks for listening.

You have said everything I feel. I have depression but I am also weighed down with unimaginable pain. I can't go on. All I wanted was to be loved and be a mother. I'm too old now. I just want to go. Please share with us your method. It would mean a lot.

 

[Gonnerr]

Hi, I was thinking about you lately , I thought i missed your goodbye thread.

Life is shit, I feel the same way as you.

I don't know what to say, i should be gone too.