rih
Member
- Aug 23, 2024
- 17
So i've been clean from cutting for 5 years. I've thought about it a lot from time to time to now; i really did try. It's just too many factors made me need it. The worst thing about it is. I don't really care I like how it makes me feel like not being on the verge of tears and screaming at the same time but not being able to do either. It's made me more clinical/deadpan and overall just numb, i like that. Unfortunately it hurts others being so deadpan/analytic and i'm "weird" and "should have ctb'd".
I ran out of clean/sharp blades today and just burnt myself instead, i've already bought more online. burning doesn't seem to work as well i've found as i still feel this swell of existence, i don't want it. No other sensation or feeling can help as much as cutting and this disgust and disdain is making itself more and more apparent. I bought rope today after reading through the partial hanging thread, nobody was home and i found a pretty good area for it. But it's so exposed so if someone was to come back it'd be awful.
I think i'm going to go after my birthday.
I ran out of clean/sharp blades today and just burnt myself instead, i've already bought more online. burning doesn't seem to work as well i've found as i still feel this swell of existence, i don't want it. No other sensation or feeling can help as much as cutting and this disgust and disdain is making itself more and more apparent. I bought rope today after reading through the partial hanging thread, nobody was home and i found a pretty good area for it. But it's so exposed so if someone was to come back it'd be awful.
I think i'm going to go after my birthday.
