Help i refuse to be misgendered in death

[demo]

I'm taking myself out. I'm set on it and I'm not pulling out this time. I planned on simply doing a partial hang but I don't want to have my family prep a corpse that they think is my body when it never was. So I'm giving myself top surgery. If they are any painkillers that would allow one to cut themselves open without fainting from pain, I'd love to know. Otherwise, I'm just gonna chug a bottle of Jack and slice.

 

[NoDream]

I'm taking myself out. I'm set on it and I'm not pulling out this time. I planned on simply doing a partial hang but I don't want to have my family prep a corpse that they think is my body when it never was. So I'm giving myself top surgery. If they are any painkillers that would allow one to cut themselves open without fainting from pain, I'd love to know. Otherwise, I'm just gonna chug a bottle of Jack and slice.

No, please dont!

They are going to do that anyway, please run away instead or change your name if possible, anything but that!

 

[demo]

There's nowhere to run away to. I'll still want to die, even if I'm thousands of miles away. I've thought this over for years, I'm not supposed to be here. and that's okay.

 

[NoDream]

There's nowhere to run away to. I'll still want to die, even if I'm thousands of miles away. I've thought this over for years, I'm not supposed to be here. and that's okay.

I really feel for you, my son is FTM and i remember how he was treated as young.

 

[MissKatrina]

Wouldn't recommend giving yourself surgery before suicide for several reasons- but the one that would interest you is the risk of passing out or weakness and inability to finish your method from the blood loss. Painkillers aren't gonna help you there.

How about dressing in a way to make your gender clear or writing it in permanent marker on your forehead or arms? Alternatively you could try a method in which they can't identify your body. Or maybe you could sort out your own funeral arrangements in advanced.

 

[Lethe]

Self-mutilation isn't the answer, and I think it may have the unintended effect of pushing cis people further into the "trans people are mentally ill" mindset.

My bestie attempted to castrate themself once and I had to talk them down and convince them to go to the hospital for blood loss and possible infection, it wasn't going to end well.

 

[demo]

Wouldn't recommend giving yourself surgery before suicide for several reasons- but the one that would interest you is the risk of passing out or weakness and inability to finish your method from the blood loss. Painkillers aren't gonna help you there.

How about dressing in a way to make your gender clear or writing it in permanent marker on your forehead or arms? Alternatively you could try a method in which they can't identify your body. Or maybe you could sort out your own funeral arrangements in advanced.

I've been out for years, the marker will just get scrubbed off. I wanted to die from blood loss, however messy. I just need to cut enough before i bleed out to make it clear.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Your first post said you've attempted ctb over 30 times. Honestly, this seems like a gesture more than an actual attempt to end your life.

If you aren't already aware of this, you're not going to be able to give yourself surgery with pain killers or with alcohol. You're also not likely to bleed out.

I'm sorry for whatever you're going through that's triggering even contemplating such drastic yet ineffective actions. Curious as to whether you find hospitalization a kind of respite that helps you get through periods like this.

 

[noaccount]

Injection with a local anaesthetic like dentists use comes to mind...
PS I would never label your bodily modifications "self-mutilation" or encourage you to hold back for cis sympathy

 

[demo]

Your first post said you've attempted ctb over 30 times. Honestly, this seems like a gesture more than an actual attempt to end your life.

If you aren't already aware of this, you're not going to be able to give yourself surgery with pain killers or with alcohol. You're also not likely to bleed out.

I'm sorry for whatever you're going through that's triggering even contemplating such drastic yet ineffective actions. Curious as to whether you find hospitalization a kind of respite that helps you get through periods like this.

then what would be the best way? I've tried to OD dozens of time and now my meds are locked up. Attempted the tourniquet method with leather belts but that just put me in a psych ward. Drowning didn't work, running into the road didn't work so what

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

then what would be the best way? I've tried to OD dozens of time and now my meds are locked up. Attempted the tourniquet method with leather belts but that just put me in a psych ward. Drowning didn't work, running into the road didn't work so what

If you go to the Resources Compilation thread on the main page, there is a list of method megathreads, as well as a link to the PPH. That should give you lots of options.

 

[Naysha]

I realize what dysphoria does, I am not exactly fond of my female body either as I identify more as guy anyway but seriously, if you don't care about your body (which you pointed out yourself in your post about being it wrong body), why do you care what people say about you when you stop existing? People are literally irrelevant in this situation. Don't do this, you will make it way worse than it is. Ctb is fine if you feel like it, but self-surgery could complicate a lot of things and even get you possibly locked up without any option to ctb.

 

[Living sucks]

Can you try accepting yourself for who you are and whatever body parts you have? That can be changed with time and a little money. i really thought Bruce Jenner was going to help gay and transgender individuals feel more accepted in this world? It must be very difficult to not feel like the gender people see you as... i was constantly mistaken as a boy until i was 13 years old and i wanted to be a boy although i wasn't gay. Ctb may not be the answer since you're obviously not good at it.. and that's meant jokingly. Change your name and start identifying yourself with how you feel. Screw anyone who doesn't support you. If you still decide to ctb no one here judges you.
And by top surgery, do you mean cut off your breasts? If that's you're goal it can be done relatively easily and not outrageously expensive by a plastic surgeon. Get a good job when this shit dies and save up for it.

 

[alizee]

Hanging with a decent rope shouldn't fail. You can get a "climbing rope" off amazon for like 25$. I wouldn't bother with the self mutilation because you likely will just faint. I'm mtf and I somewhat understand your wish to die. Hope you find the peace you want.

 

[s1mplem3]

I'm taking myself out. I'm set on it and I'm not pulling out this time. I planned on simply doing a partial hang but I don't want to have my family prep a corpse that they think is my body when it never was. So I'm giving myself top surgery. If they are any painkillers that would allow one to cut themselves open without fainting from pain, I'd love to know. Otherwise, I'm just gonna chug a bottle of Jack and slice.

Definitely bad idea, people don't care and they will not only pay attention on your opinion about your body but forget about you in few weeks. If you need my support - I'm here, but don't hurt yourself even more.

Hanging with a decent rope shouldn't fail. You can get a "climbing rope" off amazon for like 25$. I wouldn't bother with the self mutilation because you likely will just faint. I'm mtf and I somewhat understand your wish to die. Hope you find the peace you want.

I like Alizee, listen sometimes when I have mood.