I REALLY REALLY want to tell someone asap

[StrawberryRed]

It's like eating away at me, I feel like I need to tell someone everything. Idk who tho, I dont have someone like that in my life (and cant get a therapist). I am so scared of bring judged, ostracized, or babied. I guess I have this website but I NEED a face to face conversation or I'm gonna go crazy.I like regularly fantazise about telling someone every little detail about the last year. At times it feels like I'm lying to everyone around me and I've never been good at keeping secrets. Maybe I'm just craving a relationship close enough to talk about that stuff without shame and not actually craving confession yk what I mean? I literally cannot tell. What do u guys think about sharing your suicidal ideations?

 

[Leiot]

I could use something like that too. I wonder how many other people feel the same way.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I am the same way. Unfortunately in my case things have gotten so bad that it is too much for people to handle hearing. My words are poison to them.

 

[divinemistress36]

I wish I could tell someone to
Its a bad idea it can get you locked away at a psych ward

 

[PinkChubbyBunny]

Had a person I could share everything with. There were only two of us against the whole damn world.
They were the only reason I didn't die many years ago.
But they died unexpectedly.

I'm kinda glad they died first so they don't experience what I do, but the egoist in me wishes it would've been me in their place...

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it can be a massive burden to carry alone. Still, the times I've gotten close to revealing just how bad things are, I've regretted because inevitably- it has made loved ones worry. And then, I've just ended up feeling guilty and worried about them worrying about me.

I think a relative stranger is sometimes easier to tell. Someone who doesn't feel responsible for you. Someone who can be more objective rather than panic. On occassion, I've had discussions around suicide with outside people that have been more beneficial in a way.

Can you predict what kind of response you would get from friends or family? I've found people who feel the same way are easier to talk to too. That tends to be why I would reveal how I feel now. I'm sorry though. It does sound like some support could be beneficial to you. I hope you can find someone.

 

[Leiot]

I am the same way. Unfortunately in my case things have gotten so bad that it is too much for people to handle hearing. My words are poison to them.

I don't know about that. I'd bet people here would listen. The outside world; no.

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

Based on my experience of getting locked up in a psych ward, I would recommend you do NOT, I repeat, you do NOT tell someone other than on this site.

Trust me, no one understands. No one. Some will lie to you and say 'I believe people should be able to end their lives if they want', talk with you in depth, pretend they give a shit, and then they will force the crisis team to section you, and then fuck you off. Yes, that is what happened to me.

I have nightmares about going back to the psych ward almost every night. The psych ward made me 10x worse. It isn't helpful at all.

It's different if you're a literal danger to yourself of others, and you're very delusional or psychotic (I am none of those things and I wasn't in the psych ward either, and most of the staff didn't understand why I was there, because I'm not depressed or anything). Wanting to die is not a danger to yourself.

You could talk to people on here, and that'll make you feel less alone

I hope this helps you feel less alone in your thoughts

 

[3/4Dead]

I hope you can find a person who you can trust with this. I have a few people I can talk to about it but it's pretty heavy and I'm sure it's a lot to hear and take in. Surprised so many people are saying not to talk to anyone at all lol. Like a couple others have said though, it can genuinely be pretty helpful to just feel less like you're carrying it alone. I've found that connection is part of what has gotten me this far.

 

[Creeperella]

I feel the same way it's driving me insane

 

[ssspadbye]

Same here. I don't think I could speak to anyone outside this forum and I only just discovered this forum a few days ago. I couldn't even talk to mental health professionals - they're humans after all and everytime I've spoken to someone once I get closer to revealing anything super vulnerable, I can feel the judgement coming from a mile away.

I've tried talking to my ChatGPT in voice mode, which has helped a bit, but even that is too filtered, but at least I know it's not judging or reporting me to get locked up.