I feel angry a lot because of my abusive father. I feel angry right now. I live in Egypt. I can't move away from my father and live on my own terms, so I have to endure him. He humiliates me on a daily basis and that really makes me angry. How can I properly deal with that anger to protect myself from doing something stupid?
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grvsniper
Member
- Feb 14, 2023
- 92
this is probably basic advice but something that's helped me control my anger is just simply watching youtube videos and reading a couple of articles about controlling anger. They both gave me a few options on how to control my anger in situations with other people. I hope this helps at least a little bit.
jodes2
Hello people ❤️
- Aug 28, 2022
- 7,736
My therapist didn't really give me any advice about dealing with anger other than just going to her to talk, and journalling. I guess the trick is to get it out in a controlled way just by talking about it. One advantage is when you do that while calmer, the mind comes up with ways of dealing with it when it's acute. What to do, what to say, rather than exploding. So talk about it, basically. Think about other ways of reacting, of dealing with the thoughts and feelings and situations when they arise. If you ever feel like you might do something stupid, just go for a walk before it escalates to something you have trouble controlling. I take it you've tried talking to him about it?
novem
Experienced
- May 9, 2022
- 273
Yes, I have talked to him about it and he is convinced that it's okay for him to humiliate me and tell me something like: "you're an idiot, aren't you? Your mother is a whore. I sacrificed my life for you, you piece of shit. I feel sad that you're my son"
And there's nothing I can do about it. I live in Egypt where living independently of your parents is extremely difficult. Finding a job is nearly impossible when you're not highly educated and talented. Unfortunately, I (have) to live with him. His horrible abuse played a huge part in the decline of my mental and physical health.
novem
Experienced
- May 9, 2022
- 273
maybe, fimd out what provokes him in you, it could be that you act feminine as a man I don't know. Although your father's behaviour probably will not change.
Need to plan on how happy you will be when you can live separately and plan how to do it. That can help you bear it, I suppose.
This might sound counter intuitive but try being nicer to him. Do it for yourself and understand this is for nobody's benefit but your own not his. If he humiliates you you are not afraid because you have the power to move above the cruelty. See your own inherent value. You definitely have it.
jodes2
Hello people ❤️
- Aug 28, 2022
- 7,736
ksp
Arcanist
- Oct 1, 2022
- 435
my best coping mechanism was to watch comedy (sitcoms). this helped me to calm down after 10 or 15 minutes
i did this after every challenging day of work, and i've been doing it for decades; maybe it will help you too
i did this after every challenging day of work, and i've been doing it for decades; maybe it will help you too
Something that I haven't seen discussed here is if you can in any way, try exercising, like get stronger and bigger. This is something that will improve your self confidence, which acts as a shield for abusive words, and may deter others like your father from even thinking about abusing you. The first part is the most important one though, having self confidence cuz when that happens whatever he says will seem insignificant.
donttellmybf2004
Member
- Feb 7, 2023
- 20
I'm not gonna tell you to be nicer to your dad. That's ridiculous. My dad was the same, throughout all my childhood and most of my youth. I'm free of him now, though. I'm in a shitty apartment without working drains or heating. But I'm free, and you will be to. My advice is to never let go of the dream of being free of him. I never believed I could get out, for years and years. But there is freedom. It's out there and you've gotta keep looking towards it.
As for anger, that's what hasn't left me. I'm so angry I feel like it'll kill me. This might sound silly, but how I deal with my anger is Linkin Park albums and long, long running trips around my town. I also take a lot of long rides in public busses. Again, sounds pretty silly but it works for me.
As for anger, that's what hasn't left me. I'm so angry I feel like it'll kill me. This might sound silly, but how I deal with my anger is Linkin Park albums and long, long running trips around my town. I also take a lot of long rides in public busses. Again, sounds pretty silly but it works for me.
No, i can't even do that, especially with my social anxiety and lack of any sort of experience.
jodes2
Hello people ❤️
- Aug 28, 2022
- 7,736
Maybe you could try to learn a bit of graphic design and do freelance work on freelance.com or fiverr and design logos or something fairly easy like that? Just a few weeks of learning tutorials and practicing should do it
Viranamari
A Future Corpse
- Feb 22, 2023
- 294
It is horrible that you have to go through this. Anyone would feel angry with a father like yours. Your father seems very abusive to me, is there anyone you can share this with? Maybe you can seek help from someone? Or you can trying moving out to another place to live. Remember your feelings are valid.
Lightworkerinblack
Member
- Mar 7, 2023
- 5
Get aggressive! If you've never fought him back... It will give him a big surprise! He will back down if you start getting stronger and stop living in silence. It worked for me.
your life has worth. is there a way you can minimize the interaction with your abusive father - keep the interaction at minimum.
My father calls me a f__king stupid c_nt.
If you believe in God (I don't know if I do or not) then tell yourself that your real father is God. So your real father would not speak to you like this or speak about your mother like that.
When he speaks to you like this - mainly take deep breaths and imagine grounding yourself through your feet. He is being a bully.
There isn't much you can do to make this different. Just brace yourself and know that it says more about him than it says about you.
If you believe in God (I don't know if I do or not) then tell yourself that your real father is God. So your real father would not speak to you like this or speak about your mother like that.
When he speaks to you like this - mainly take deep breaths and imagine grounding yourself through your feet. He is being a bully.
There isn't much you can do to make this different. Just brace yourself and know that it says more about him than it says about you.
MoonlitNight
bad at putting emotions into words
- Feb 14, 2023
- 116
This. This is EXACTLY my situation right now, just in a different country. I will keep a watch over this thread. You worded out exactly the pain I've been questioning myself about all my life. I've never found the exact cope for it yet but im still searching.
In my case, i have a boyfriend who i relay and vent all my hate of the day to. He doesn't have to do anything, not like he can (long distance). But it feels nice to pour out all the suffering i had to endure during the day.
Sometimes all the pent up sadness and anger lead to an outburst, but he understands my reasons and he tries to calm me down. However, when these dont work i usually isolate myself to save him the drama.
Secondly I do watch videos, listen to music and play games, interacting with friends to get my mind off it.
On some days, of course. These don't work and all I need is a good cry, the kind where you let it out so much you start hyperventilating.
Im sorry if these were the basic responses, i do go through the same things and these are my ways to cope. Thank you for posting this as you have helped another person and sorry you have to go through this. I hope you'll find the method that works for you.
Where do you live? US? A majority of people here dare not do that. They will raise their fists at us. They will tell us that they'll do certain things (I really dont want to use the word. I hope you do understand what im trying to say) to land us in the hospital.
These are not speculations I have been threatened before. And it's normal, because apparantly parents are never wrong. No one will stand up for us. We're alone.
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I'm so sorry you have to go through this, parental abuse is truly terrible and undeserved particularly if we have no chance of getting away. Just try to avoid him as much as you can. Wear cotton buds in your ears or turn up loud music if he starts abusing you. Pretend to ignore him and act like nothing he said made a difference to you. Your reactions may be giving him the food he needs to continue behaving like this. If you don't give him that then maybe he will stop and find some other target. I know you said it's impossible to support yourself but I think you should really start investing in yourself and your future and think about starting out on your own. I think you are old enough. It will be difficult at first but you won't know until you try, make friends, find support where you can, life is not easy but if you are determined you can make some sort of happiness for yourself.
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