I really dont want to die

[LookingforAnswers]

I really dont want to die. I want my pain to end, but if I could find a way to feel better i truly would do it and want to live!

I have been having depression for 10 months w crippling insomnia. I have tried 5 meds for depression and 7 for insomnia and am still feeling like shit everyday.

I sleep about 3 hrs a night. And can constantly feel pain in my brain.

Can anyone please help????? Any suggestions are welcomed

 

[Weebster]

No words will fix you. You need a doctor

 

[Smart No More]

That sucks. I can relate to insomnia. It's the worst. Sleep is essential to good health too so not being able to get enough natural sleep is a nasty ever worsening cycle. As we sleep we go through stages and it takes some time to reach the most beneficial phase of sleep where all our memories and experiences from the previous day/days is archived and filtered. Not getting that just makes it even harder to function as time passes. I know just how you feel.

For me, it was the result of a health issue. Don't want to go into detail but it seemed to impact my brains capacity and memory. I think this stopped my natural sleep cycle (I used to sleep so well and had a very organised mind). Ir changed me so immensely. I mention this because maybe you are dealing with something that's impacting you and then having a similar impact on your sleep. It's easy and almost instinctive to assume it's the other way around but science and logic would suggest otherwise when you really get into thinking on it.

You mention pain in your brain. Is it the type you can describe definitively or is it more general?

Doctors say a lot of pains can be the result of depression. It's probably true but as someone who's had mental health forced dpwn my throat in the face of something that I know isn't the case I'm dubious of them and feel they use that too conveniently when they don't really know for certain what's going on.

Most sleeping pills will provide a kind of artificial sleep which isn't rewarding in the same way.

Have you had a head scan or any blood tests for deficiencies or anything?

It's really hard to know what to suggest as I/we know so little about you and your situation/conditions.

I've found hypnotic meds better for sleep than benzos but use them very sparingly as tolerance builds fast. Ambien has helped when used now and then.

Low dose Amitryptaline can help with sleep too. It's uses in higher doses against depression. Maybe you already tried that.

It's probably not what you want to hear but wearing yourself is about the best option for gettting sleep in such desperate circumstances. It sucks because you still don't get 8 hours and when you wake up you're back in shitsville again. Crappy cycle. But it's the best option I can suggest without more info.

Maybe first of all tell us what meds you've tried.

It's hard because I can really relate to that insomnia and feel bad for you cos I know how bad it can be. Wish I could offer decent advice but yoy are depressed as you say and that's not something I have personal experience with really. Surely some pain relief is a good start right? What do the doctors say?

 

[LookingforAnswers]

That sucks. I can relate to insomnia. It's the worst. Sleep is essential to good health too so not being able to get enough natural sleep is a nasty ever worsening cycle. As we sleep we go through stages and it takes some time to reach the most beneficial phase of sleep where all our memories and experiences from the previous day/days is archived and filtered. Not getting that just makes it even harder to function as time passes. I know just how you feel.

For me, it was the result of a health issue. Don't want to go into detail but it seemed to impact my brains capacity and memory. I think this stopped my natural sleep cycle (I used to sleep so well and had a very organised mind). Ir changed me so immensely. I mention this because maybe you are dealing with something that's impacting you and then having a similar impact on your sleep. It's easy and almost instinctive to assume it's the other way around but science and logic would suggest otherwise when you really get into thinking on it.

You mention pain in your brain. Is it the type you can describe definitively or is it more general?

Doctors say a lot of pains can be the result of depression. It's probably true but as someone who's had mental health forced dpwn my throat in the face of something that I know isn't the case I'm dubious of them and feel they use that too conveniently when they don't really know for certain what's going on.

Most sleeping pills will provide a kind of artificial sleep which isn't rewarding in the same way.

Have you had a head scan or any blood tests for deficiencies or anything?

It's really hard to know what to suggest as I/we know so little about you and your situation/conditions.

I've found hypnotic meds better for sleep than benzos but use them very sparingly as tolerance builds fast. Ambien has helped when used now and then.

Low dose Amitryptaline can help with sleep too. It's uses in higher doses against depression. Maybe you already tried that.

It's probably not what you want to hear but wearing yourself is about the best option for gettting sleep in such desperate circumstances. It sucks because you still don't get 8 hours and when you wake up you're back in shitsville again. Crappy cycle. But it's the best option I can suggest without more info.

Maybe first of all tell us what meds you've tried.

It's hard because I can really relate to that insomnia and feel bad for you cos I know how bad it can be. Wish I could offer decent advice but yoy are depressed as you say and that's not something I have personal experience with really. Surely some pain relief is a good start right? What do the doctors say?

I have tried 5 meds (mirtazapine, celexa, lamictal, latuda and now trintellix) for depression

For sleep i have tried ambien, doxepin, lunesta, belsomra, ativan and temazepan.

I have had blood tests for thyroid and testosterone.

The docs are saying treatment resistant depression

 

[Smart No More]

Ah man, that really sucks!

What about CBD? For sleep I mean. Some swear by it. Others aren't sold but it's pretty much side effect free and easily obtained.

 

[doodlebug1]

I really dont want to die. I want my pain to end, but if I could find a way to feel better i truly would do it and want to live!

I have been having depression for 10 months w crippling insomnia. I have tried 5 meds for depression and 7 for insomnia and am still feeling like shit everyday.

I sleep about 3 hrs a night. And can constantly feel pain in my brain.

Can anyone please help????? Any suggestions are welcomed

If you live close to a larger city, there may be special programs in hospital settings that are familiar with dealing with this. It can go as far as electro-convulsive therapy. I Googled treatment-resistant depression. Maybe there are specialists in your area? Unfortunately, every time they change your meds they will have to wait probably 2 months to see what the effect is. Sorry, you are going through this.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I have tried 5 meds (mirtazapine, celexa, lamictal, latuda and now trintellix) for depression

For sleep i have tried ambien, doxepin, lunesta, belsomra, ativan and temazepan.

I have had blood tests for thyroid and testosterone.

The docs are saying treatment resistant depression

I'm so sorry for your suffering. I really hope that you find something that helps you and that is not treatment-resistant depression after all

I'm taking sertralina for depression and cloxam (benzos) for sleep and it's helping me a lot.

Also, have you thought about trying natural medication? There is a medication called melatonin that is natural and helps with sleep. Maybe it's worth a try.

Sleep deprivation is horrible.

I wish you the best

 

[whatevs]

No words will fix you. You need a doctor

Doctors don't usually help with a chronic, complicated case like this one.

 

[WhiteDespair]

what do you mean by "pain in your brain"?

try taking a multivitamin, vitamin d (5000 min, I take 10000), and zync (if you're male, I take 150mg). that really helped me out.

you may feel much better after a few days taking vitamins. I have gone "manic" after taking a multivitamin after not taking one for a while.

 

[cleveland2011]

I have tried 5 meds (mirtazapine, celexa, lamictal, latuda and now trintellix) for depression

For sleep i have tried ambien, doxepin, lunesta, belsomra, ativan and temazepan.

I have had blood tests for thyroid and testosterone.

The docs are saying treatment resistant depression

The docs are cowards and know absolutely nothing about human health. They are taught medications for $$$ . NOTHING about health.

I'm a really sick guy but I was healthy in the past and cured myself of severe neurological disease. Unfortunately a minor relapse led to antibiotic damage leading to a bacteria/ toxin in my body causing now incurable disease.

I was luckiest guy in the world to unluckiest guy in the world within 3 years. Isn't right.

But I learned a lot in these years. And it's very likely you are very fixable. Most people on this forum are there's no doubt in my mind.

You probably have some sort of infection and/or deficiency and/or toxicity. If you want to learn more about my mindset just PM me. My approach works in majority of these cases. Unfortunately, my own case got too deep and here I am on this site smh.

 

[myopybyproxy]

i can relate to a lot of this - insomnia, depression, headaches (feels like there is a parasite eating my brain cells) - all chronic.

the issue with cbd is the lack of standardisation / regulation. the market is a free-for-all right now, so you have to trust anecdotal reviews more heavily than with other products - and even the same seller may not have the same quality between batches. unless you diy everything from the growing to the processing

i've tried suvorexant like you, in addition to melatonin, trazodone, and topiramate (insomnia) and sertraline (depression). nothing helped.

@cleveland2011 i'm interested to learn about how you cured your illness. feel free to DM me if you'd rather not detail out here.

@Smart No More would you mind telling me what your illness was? i have similar symptoms and all the tests and scans are negative.

 

[Smart No More]

i can relate to a lot of this - insomnia, depression, headaches (feels like there is a parasite eating my brain cells) - all chronic.

the issue with cbd is the lack of standardisation / regulation. the market is a free-for-all right now, so you have to trust anecdotal reviews more heavily than with other products - and even the same seller may not have the same quality between batches. unless you diy everything from the growing to the processing

i've tried suvorexant like you, in addition to melatonin, trazodone, and topiramate (insomnia) and sertraline (depression). nothing helped.

@cleveland2011 i'm interested to learn about how you cured your illness. feel free to DM me if you'd rather not detail out here.

@Smart No More would you mind telling me what your illness was? i have similar symptoms and all the tests and scans are negative.

Accidental poisoning. Don't really want to say too much on open forum as it's potentially identifying but we can talk via pm if you like.

I too am very curious to know more about @cleveland2011 potential cure. For me I think it's essentially too late as it's seems to have damaged various systems in my body. Worst being my nervous sytem, cognition and memory. Got a right old list of symptoms but I keep most of it to myself as it's all too easy to come off like a hypochondriac.

I totally relate to what cleveland2011 said about being the luckiest person to the unluckiest in a short period of time.

 

[cleveland2011]

Accidental poisoning. Don't really want to say too much on open forum as it's potentially identifying but we can talk via pm if you like.

I too am very curious to know more about @cleveland2011 potential cure. For me I think it's essentially too late as it's seems to have damaged various systems in my body. Worst being my nervous sytem, cognition and memory. Got a right old list of symptoms but I keep most of it to myself as it's all too easy to come off like a hypochondriac.

I totally relate to what cleveland2011 said about being the luckiest person to the unluckiest in a short period of time.

I don't have any cures.

I look at organic acids (Genova Nutreval or Great Plains), HTMA (hair tissue mineral analysis from doctors data or TEI)- these two primarily.

Then I'll look at dark field microscopy, bloodwork, possibly stool amongst other things if need be.

There are many factors in mapping out a neurological illness. It just sucks- most are just deemed crazy and thrown a bunch of antidepressants etc. Which is modern day slavery if you ask me.

 

[Smart No More]

I don't have any cures.

I look at organic acids (Genova Nutreval or Great Plains), HTMA (hair tissue mineral analysis from doctors data or TEI)- these two primarily.

Then I'll look at dark field microscopy, bloodwork, possibly stool amongst other things if need be.

There are many factors in mapping out a neurological illness. It just sucks- most are just deemed crazy and thrown a bunch of antidepressants etc. Which is modern day slavery if you ask me.

Totally agree. The way antidepressants are thrown out is insulting and frustrating when it's not a mental health issue. It's lazy doctoring.

How would one go about looking at the things you outlined? Is it something that can be done without a doctors referral.

 

[cleveland2011]

Totally agree. The way antidepressants are thrown out is insulting and frustrating when it's not a mental health issue. It's lazy doctoring.

How would one go about looking at the things you outlined? Is it something that can be done without a doctors referral.

HTMA (both companies) can be done without doctors referral. Doctors data is quicker, but TEI will give you an outlined supplement plan. You can get TEI's test at evenbetternow.com. These are just cutting off piece of hair.

Genova Nutreval can be done through doctor and I like this best. But Great Plains organic acids can be done by yourself online by just sending in urine. Just google it.

I don't want to die either. I saved my life 5 years ago incredibly. Then 2 years ago shit hit the fan again. I came sooo close to saving my life, but one thing went too wrong and I lost complete control this past November. Isn't fair. I have a team of family friends gf trying to save me right now. But I know it's over. There's nothing I can do, it just got too deep the illness which can happen.

Funny you say "lazy doctoring"….. I wrote something several years ago about my story. Took a strong jab by saying something like "you can't trust the laziness of your doctor".

 

[Cancún]

I can related with all his doctors are stupids fuckers they ruin my life im
Im high doses of antipsychotics but I'm not psychotic I have damage my cns and my brain assholes
MNk

 

[Smart No More]

I can related with all his doctors are stupids fuckers they ruin my life im
Im high doses of antipsychotics but I'm not psychotic I have damage my cns and my brain assholes
MNk

Do you mean cns and brain damage from the antipsychotics or that theyetreating your cns and brain damage issues with antipsychotic meds?

Just asking because I'm in a similar position (cns damage and potentially brain) and am waiting for consultation with psychology. Last thing I want oe needs is paych meds!

This suck it and see mentality with psych meds makes me so angry. Its worse than the old snake oil sellers. These days they just have more elaborate advertising campaigns and public relations. I agree, "ass holes!"

 

[Tav]

You can try functional medicine , it treats the causes of disease, without the side effects of antidepressants.

 

[LookingforAnswers]

You can try functional medicine , it treats the causes of disease, without the side effects of antidepressants.

I have tried this a bit

 

[Lullaby]

OP, have you considered Electroconvulsive therapy? Someone on here mentioned they got treatment, and it really helped, but the con is that it really messes up your memory. People talk about how they can't remember certain places, events, etc afterwards.

It's something I was thinking about myself, but the memory stuff freaks me out a bit.

 

[SadGirl]

I understand you, I'm having anxiety attacks non-stop, practically every day. I take clonazepam but it barely works, I'm trying CBD but apparently to no avail either. Keep going to the doctor and keep feeling good, okay?

 

[Dizzylady80]

Insomnia can be really tricky, there's so many potential treatments and I know that going through the ringer of doctors over and over again gets extremely disheartening. I know it sucks, but there are a lot more options to try, even though it might take a long time to find what works. I truly hope you find the strength to preserve ❤

 

[JamieJambo]

I really dont want to die. I want my pain to end, but if I could find a way to feel better i truly would do it and want to live!

I have been having depression for 10 months w crippling insomnia. I have tried 5 meds for depression and 7 for insomnia and am still feeling like shit everyday.

I sleep about 3 hrs a night. And can constantly feel pain in my brain.

Can anyone please help????? Any suggestions are welcomed

You can actually overcome Insomnia, try a book called Thrive from the Thrive Programme. I cured mine and my social anxiety

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Most people here do not (myself included). Sometimes, it is the lesser of the evils when it comes between that and living.

I hope you are able to thrive without having to lose your life in some fashion.

 

[Cathy Ames]

I really dont want to die. I want my pain to end, but if I could find a way to feel better i truly would do it and want to live!

I have been having depression for 10 months w crippling insomnia. I have tried 5 meds for depression and 7 for insomnia and am still feeling like shit everyday.

I sleep about 3 hrs a night. And can constantly feel pain in my brain.

Can anyone please help????? Any suggestions are welcomed

Hey, I meant to reply earlier. People get the "treatment-resistant" label after failing two different antidepressants. Out of that group, up to 70% DO eventually end up finding a drug (or more likely a cocktail) that helps them. This can take a while and is very frustrating and discouraging, but don't give up yet. Hopefully the Trintellix will help. Also, I'm surprised that Remeron didn't help your insomnia? Also, also, I see you have not yet tried Wellbutrin or Effexor?

Something that can help a lot with falling asleep is taking magnesium right at bed time. [But apparently it doesn't help as much for staying asleep for a decent amount of time.] It's not advised for people with kidney disease and maybe some other conditions. You do NOT want to take magnesium oxide, which will act as a laxative if you take a decent amount for sleep. Try to find one like magnesium malate. I hope you can find something to help you sleep better. Lack of sleep is really horrible.

 

[Weebster]

I sleep 4 hours a night because my ptsd never lets me fully relax. I can relate to sleep deprivation.

 

[doodlebug1]

OP, have you considered Electroconvulsive therapy? Someone on here mentioned they got treatment, and it really helped, but the con is that it really messes up your memory. People talk about how they can't remember certain places, events, etc afterwards.

It's something I was thinking about myself, but the memory stuff freaks me out a bit.

Seems like it'd be a step to seriously consider before suicide, memory or not.

 

[plan c]

I really dont want to die. I want my pain to end, but if I could find a way to feel better i truly would do it and want to live!

I have been having depression for 10 months w crippling insomnia. I have tried 5 meds for depression and 7 for insomnia and am still feeling like shit everyday.

I sleep about 3 hrs a night. And can constantly feel pain in my brain.

Can anyone please help????? Any suggestions are welcomed

Not trying to play it smart, but here's some honest word.
Don't you try to think positively knowing that you can't. It's like gliding through the air, if you don't allow yourself to lose some altitude you'll eventually stall and crash.
Allowing yourself to be distressed and suicidal once in a while can really help.

-------

Btw, 3am to sleep for me is really good. I'm usually awake overnight and it did not yet kill me.

 

[Grav]

I have some insomnia (3rd shift, ptsd, and prior military) so I tend to jump up with adreniline once something comes in my head. I sleep in 3 hr increments normally so my doc is watching my sleep. I have clonodine to bring down the adreniline and take 1/4 melatonin and it's helped a little but really I need to get off 3rds (but that's not happening).

 

[forumemail87263]

I really dont want to die. I want my pain to end, but if I could find a way to feel better i truly would do it and want to live!

I have been having depression for 10 months w crippling insomnia. I have tried 5 meds for depression and 7 for insomnia and am still feeling like shit everyday.

I sleep about 3 hrs a night. And can constantly feel pain in my brain.

Can anyone please help????? Any suggestions are welcomed

sometimes when i feel like crap, it helps me to eat a lot of food. it nourishes your body and helps it recover things such as pain.