I really can't fucking wait to die

[DepressionsAHo]

I'm so sick of this shit
I hate this world, I hate these fucking people
Someone blow my fucking head off please it'd be easier then this bull shit. I need to build up my courage and all this shit will go away. I fucking hate life.

 

[Kyrok]

I'm in my 50s and I'd say I've had an aggregate of 3-4 good years out of all those I can remember. I would have saved myself so much suffering if I just ctb decades ago. Don't be like me. Go with the odds. It is the rational choice.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

I'm in my 50s and I'd say I've had an aggregate of 3-4 good years out of all those I can remember. I would have saved myself so much suffering if I just ctb decades ago. Don't be like me. Go with the odds. It is the rational choice.

No. Im having a brutal time
I'm sitting here balling. I hate everything I've become. I hate how angry I've become, I hate how much of an alcoholic I am, I'm 3 bottles in, I can't go out cause my roommates are here. I just tried once again partial hanging. Nothing's helping. I just wanna die. I really just wanna die. They asked the other day why I've been drinking so much and I in drunk mode told them blinding depression and nothing. I hate myself so much. If I had a gun right now everybody would've heard a gun shot. I don't care anymore about anything. Just lemme die
I'm so tempted to swallow every pill I have. I read once about a girl who did it with unisom sleeping pills and she succeeded. I went out and bought some immediately before finding this sight. It's not a good idea but fuck it. It's worth the try

 

[Kyrok]

The vast majority of suicide attempts by pills fail. You'll just end up making your life worse. Must be planned well.

But I get it you're in a lot of pain, pain so bad you'd like to immediately end it. The problem is, you probably can't. You need the right drugs, or a gun, etc..

Would it help to write out how you'll get what you need to ctb? Wherever you live, what can you get to achieve your goal?

 

[DepressionsAHo]

The vast majority of suicide attempts by pills fail. You'll just end up making your life worse. Must be planned well.

But I get it you're in a lot of pain, pain so bad you'd like to immediately end it. The problem is, you probably can't. You need the right drugs, or a gun, etc..

Would it help to write out how you'll get what you need to ctb? Wherever you live, what can you get to achieve your goal?

A bridge
The end
The corando bridge is near me. You just can't stop on it and on a Saturday night, idk if the traffic will ever end
I guess I threw them out anyway a while back when I realized it wouldn't work from reading this forum. Fuck
I think my roommate saw me. I put on a hood but she just asked if she could come in

 

[Kyrok]

Well, maybe you can find a way to relieve some immediate pain as you put your permanent plan together.

Have you tried a psychiatrist? There are drugs that can stop emotional pain. May not improve your life one bit, but may cut pain down. Personally, benzos help much better than booze.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

Well, maybe you can find a way to relieve some immediate pain as you put your permanent plan together.

Have you tried a psychiatrist? There are drugs that can stop emotional pain. May not improve your life one bit, but may cut pain down. Personally, benzos help much better than booze.

I like hydrocodone. It's significantly better than any benzo I've tried but maybe it's cause I only had a half a pill of benzos. All I know is I don't wanna be here. I'm at the bar rn

 

[Kyrok]

Opioids certainly can help with emotional pain. I have severe chronic pain and am prescribed some.

Tramadol for many does really well for emotional pain without sedationl

 

[DepressionsAHo]

As for a psychiatrist no. I got enough when I was a kid. I don't need em anymore

Opioids certainly can help with emotional pain. I have severe chronic pain and am prescribed some.

Tramadol for many does really well for emotional pain without sedationl

I wish I could get them legally. I have to get it non legally

 

[Iceangel]

A bridge
The end
The corando bridge is near me. You just can't stop on it and on a Saturday night, idk if the traffic will ever end
I guess I threw them out anyway a while back when I realized it wouldn't work from reading this forum. Fuck
I think my roommate saw me. I put on a hood but she just asked if she could come in

I heard theyre going to put a net in or discussing it -- wouldnt count on this option being there for much longer

 

[DepressionsAHo]

I heard theyre going to put a net in or discussing it -- wouldnt count on this option being there for much longer

That's the Golden gate bridge
Not the coranado

 

[21Neberg]

That's the Golden gate bridge
Not the coranado

I'm jealous of you having such a nice, beautiful, big bridge near you!

 

[DepressionsAHo]

It's not all that pretty. It's filled with navy ships underneath it spoiling the view

 

[wanttodie]

me to i really cant wait to die

 

[Soon4me]

Something to look forward to i suppose.

 

[dandan]

I know once you arrive to the bridge the ideas start flowing and theres a mental emotional rush, just like when I put on the Nitrogen exit bag... total dislike... and failed...

I will go with N next time... seems like the best way to go, and even so... I know it wont be easy... fuck, I fucked up big time in this life

 

[DepressionsAHo]

I know once you arrive to the bridge the ideas start flowing and theres a mental emotional rush, just like when I put on the Nitrogen exit bag... total dislike... and failed...

I will go with N next time... seems like the best way to go, and even so... I know it wont be easy... fuck, I fucked up big time in this life

I've been to it a couple of times. The first time someone jumped. I saw the car being pushed off the bridge. If I choose that route I need to go early in the morning. I strongly prefer the ggb over this one, it's much prettier and I'd have time to deliberate being that you can walk on it

 

[dandan]

I spent a few weeks in San Diego last year, 14 months ago.. I did travel by the coronado bridge and heard people has successfully ctb there... also heard a few others survived...

This time I rather N, I guess drinking a glass of N followed by some chocolate then some alcohol cant be that hard. Then just laying back and putting a television show or a movie... falling asleep with the air conditioner at 16°C

 

[Nitromask]

This time I rather N, I guess drinking a glass of N followed by some chocolate then some alcohol cant be that hard. Then just laying back and putting a television show or a movie... falling asleep with the air conditioner at 16°C

This is the dream

 

[DepressionsAHo]

I spent a few weeks in San Diego last year, 14 months ago.. I did travel by the coronado bridge and heard people has successfully ctb there... also heard a few others survived...

This time I rather N, I guess drinking a glass of N followed by some chocolate then some alcohol cant be that hard. Then just laying back and putting a television show or a movie... falling asleep with the air conditioner at 16°C

There's also been a survivor of a girl who fell off an airplane from 30,000 ft. It got added into the world record of top heights humans can survive a fall from. My point is the chance is always there to survive, that's not gonna be a deterrent to me because otherwise, natural death is gonna be my only option and well.. that's not gonna happen. I would get N but I don't know how to use Bitcoin so it's a no go from me

 

[GeorgeJL]

I would get N but I don't know how to use Bitcoin so it's a no go from me

I can help you get some bitcoins. I've done it many times.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

I can help you get some bitcoins. I've done it many times.

How? I'm no good at following directions simple as they may be

 

[GeorgeJL]

Oh. No. I don't like to not eat for hours at a time. I'll just stick to CO or jumping

CO is good dignified kind of death.

CO Suicide WIKI

Carbon Monoxide Poisoning - ASH

archived 17 Sep 2016 00:01:58 UTC

archive.is

 

[throwaway123]

I would stick with the Coronado bridge. I know at first it seems counter-intuitive but the more you think about it the more sense it starts to make.

I too once had a dream about the perfect bridge/method but I have given up on it. Life is not a picnic. You always have to be willing to make a compromise. I know young people tend to see that differently but the older you get the more you will realize it.

I know it's difficult but if you really truly want to die the method does not matter. The only thing that matters is that you will die. Only those that have completly given up on life and embraced death are jumping off bridges or infront of trains. Those who have a shimmer of hope inside of them hesitate and get caught. You will realize it soon. There are people here who got SN or N and still haven't done it. Few are willing to admit that they don't want to die but also don't want to live. It's a bad spot to be in. At some point you will have to make a decision. You can't remain like this forvever. You have to take responsibility for your life or your death.

It is not easy coming to terms with that. This is why many continue in their misery for years, decades without realizing.

It takes great courage to live but also to die. Just decide.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

I would stick with the Coronado bridge. I know at first it seems counter-intuitive but the more you think about it the more sense it starts to make.

I too once had a dream about the perfect bridge/method but I have given up on it. Life is not a picnic. You always have to be willing to make a compromise. I know young people tend to see that differently but the older you get the more you will realize it.

I know it's difficult but if you really truly want to die the method does not matter. The only thing that matters is that you will die. Only those that have completly given up on life and embraced death are jumping off bridges or infront of trains. Those who have a shimmer of hope inside of them hesitate and get caught. You will realize it soon. There are people here who got SN or N and still haven't done it. Few are willing to admit that they don't want to die but also don't want to live. It's a bad spot to be in. At some point you will have to make a decision. You can't remain like this forvever. You have to take responsibility for your life or your death.

It is not easy coming to terms with that. This is why many continue in their misery for years, decades without realizing.

It takes great courage to live but also to die. Just decide.

In the past my depression has always came in waves. I used to be able to track which months it came in and when it would be heaviest which is why I always thought my suicide would be in August. With time and only in this past year has it stayed with me through the up and coming months never letting me go. It is only in this period I realized my suicide wouldn't have to be breed out of desperation but rather, I could take time. I used to think I needed a shot mindset to carry out the action, but now, I've realized, this isn't the case. I am fully able to carry out a slow and deliberate process however, with something like a bridge, there's still fear. I don't think there's a single suicide jumper whom if they looked over the edge, they didn't feel fear of some sort. I was up on that bridge and due to the traffic, I couldn't stop but I did peer over the edge at the highest point and everything in my stomach knotted up. My point is, I'm at peace with death, but to be at peace with death and carrying out the necessary steps to do so are two different things.. in this moment however, I was having to put it lightly... A full breakdown. I need to go, and I'm ok with that. But so does the rest of me
Now I have more time to add to this. I may be ok with death, as a matter of fact the one and ONLY reason I didn't go Feb 13 was because my supplies weren't here. I was so sure of it that day, I was at utter peace. That's a state of mind though that for right now comes and goes like my depression used to. It's not that I have to work for it, I just need to wait. My mind will due the rest for me

 

[Cookiedough8956]

impulsive moments might work although not a guarentee. Like jumping off a building or shooting yourself. (perhaps not so much the pill route ) Your so distraught your not thinking straight except how to escape the brutal pain you're feeling atm.

But most often suicide is successful when planned. I mean you're pinning down every details. But the problem- personally- is coming to terms with it.

I wanna have my method ready tho, so when something happens, I won't think twice.

 

[GeorgeJL]

When buying sodium Nitrite does the package say anything about there being chemicals inside? some kind of warning that would make a desk attendant suspicious of the package?

You will have to ask the shipper this question.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

impulsive moments might work although not a guarentee. Like jumping off a building or shooting yourself. (perhaps not so much the pill route ) Your so distraught your not thinking straight except how to escape the brutal pain you're feeling atm.

But most often suicide is successful when planned. I mean you're pinning down every details. But the problem- personally- is coming to terms with it.

I wanna have my method ready tho, so when something happens, I won't think twice.

Yes, in this moment I was having a breakdown, a complete and utter breakdown, I used to think that this would be the only time I could do it but as my life progressed, I realized this wasn't the case. My mind's destroyed, there Is no hope for it I just need to wait till I become ready again
Oh. I guess I just repeated myself lol
Oh. I guess I just repeated myself lol

 

[406metallicblue]

Well, maybe you can find a way to relieve some immediate pain as you put your permanent plan together.

Have you tried a psychiatrist? There are drugs that can stop emotional pain. May not improve your life one bit, but may cut pain down. Personally, benzos help much better than booze.

The two combined seem to be the best solution, in my exp. A psych will push you towards benzos but we ll know where that will end.I tend to get cracked on benzos and wine and listen to music,, it' the best fun i can create from life. It gives me some boogie... the funky chicken.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

The two combined seem to be the best solution, in my exp. A psych will push you towards benzos but we ll know where that will end.I tend to get cracked on benzos and wine and listen to music,, it' the best fun i can create from life. It gives me some boogie... the funky chicken.

I'm trying to get prescribed them Xanax pills for my "anxiety". Right now all I can find is hydrocodone and those are heavenly. Nothing in my experience has compared to a hydrocodone. I only have one pill left and I'm saving it for my suicide. It's alcohol for now. If only I knew how to buy them