I realized that i'm a homophobe

[JustSwingingTheD]

At some point i started calling people at my work faggots in a derogatory way, all the while thinking i was not being a homophobe, but that i was just being an asshole. But i was wrong.

I was in an work environment that included a lot of mental abuse, so I wanted to learn how to better hurt other people with words, not caring about what i was saying, essentially to protect myself. For some reason, in most societies its very hurtful to be called a homosexual. Its like being called a slut for a woman. If you want to be mean, its just a place where you naturally go.

Its not about the actual homosexuals any more than the act of calling unpleasant girls/women sluts would be about how you feel about people who actually sell sex. It's just something you say to make the other person feel emasculated, weakened.

That said, i realized that ive probably met people who are actual homosexuals without even knowing it. How would those people feel about themselves if they saw me calling other people faggots? Not very good is my guess.

When I use homophoblic slurs in order to be hurtful, I'm becoming part of the problem. I guess i was aware of this all along, i just felt that the temptation to appear as a "bad" person was too much for me.

In the future i try to remember, if I want to be hurtful there are ways to get around this, i will try to be innovative. It might be kind of like saying "if you feel like saying fuck then just say fudge or something", which is totally fucking lame. But i will do my best to be an asshole without being a homophobe.

 

[Rounded Apathy]

Very mature and a great personal realisation. Good on you. Unfortunately language is rife with these kinds of words; those that originally just referred to something in a descriptive way but then were taken to mean as an insult, usually because the descriptor or thing being described is/was discriminated against. Take the word "lame" for example, included in your post - originally it meant someone who is unable to walk. But most people now use it without knowing that at all, as it has just adopted this widespread new meaning, and those who originally used it for the first purpose eventually jettisoned it.

Your workplace doesn't sound great unfortunately. You can use this as an opportunity for learning and creativity. Build up your vocabulary, use complex insults if you still feel the need to use any. People really don't like being made to feel unintelligent (I almost said dumb, but that was originally a word for someone who couldn't talk. It never ends)

 

[JustSwingingTheD]

Very mature and a great personal realisation. Good on you. Unfortunately language is rife with these kinds of words; those that originally just referred to something in a descriptive way but then were taken to mean as an insult, usually because the descriptor or thing being described is/was discriminated against. Take the word "lame" for example, included in your post - originally it meant someone who is unable to walk. But most people now use it without knowing that at all, as it has just adopted this widespread new meaning, and those who originally used it for the first purpose eventually jettisoned it.

Your workplace doesn't sound great unfortunately. You can use this as an opportunity for learning and creativity. Build up your vocabulary, use complex insults if you still feel the need to use any. People really don't like being made to feel unintelligent (I almost said dumb, but that was originally a word for someone who couldn't talk. It never ends)

Yeah good points. I've only called two women sluts during my life and both of them admittedly were very promiscuous, but more importantly they both were very mean, hurtful b*tches with very clear personality disorders.

Me calling them sluts had nothing to do with their sexual behaviour per se, the fact that my insult was on the point was more about the fact that mean (deranged) women tend to also be promiscuous. In fact, with one of them i remember feeling like i shouldn't call this person a whore at all, not because it's wrong, but because i'm actually doing a disservice to all whores in the world comparing her to them. Might seem funny but it was a very serious thought i was having.

At some point there is just lack of words at the face of how low some people can go. So you just throw everything and the kitchen sink at them. Faggot, slut whatever that might be. Wrong as that might be. And once you do that, the threshold to do it again goes much lower, so it becomes a habit.

And once enough people do it together, it becomes a part of our fucked up culture.

 

[theboy]

the good thing is that now you know

 

[waitingforrest]

Realization is the first step and often the hardest. And it's good you took that step. It's hard to admit your faults.

One step at a time.

 

[makethepainstop]

At some point i started calling people at my work faggots in a derogatory way, all the while thinking i was not being a homophobe, but that i was just being an asshole. But i was wrong.

I was in an work environment that included a lot of mental abuse, so I wanted to learn how to better hurt other people with words, not caring about what i was saying, essentially to protect myself. For some reason, in most societies its very hurtful to be called a homosexual. Its like being called a slut for a woman. If you want to be mean, its just a place where you naturally go.

Its not about the actual homosexuals any more than the act of calling unpleasant girls/women sluts would be about how you feel about people who actually sell sex. It's just something you say to make the other person feel emasculated, weakened.

That said, i realized that ive probably met people who are actual homosexuals without even knowing it. How would those people feel about themselves if they saw me calling other people faggots? Not very good is my guess.

When I use homophoblic slurs in order to be hurtful, I'm becoming part of the problem. I guess i was aware of this all along, i just felt that the temptation to appear as a "bad" person was too much for me.

In the future i try to remember, if I want to be hurtful there are ways to get around this, i will try to be innovative. It might be kind of like saying "if you feel like saying fuck then just say fudge or something", which is totally fucking lame. But i will do my best to be an asshole without being a homophobe.

Actually l laughed reading your post. Dude I'm gay, and I have used the same word s. Like I told my boss about a customer. "That man is the kind of faggot who gives queers a bad name!" Nevermind most people at work have guessed I am one. The customer in question had thrown a pen he was using down, and said,"I'm traumatised!" I asked "What happened to you." He said "I was arrested and they made me undress in front of other people!" It took all of my professional control to keep from falling out of my chair and rolling on the floor laughing. That was traumatic? LOL! That boy has never seen someone stabbed, shot, in a bad car wreck or industrial accident. So yeah being gay myself like blacks who call their own the n word, I feel I should be allowed to use that word when I see one of my kind acting like a fool!

 

[JustSwingingTheD]

Actually l laughed reading your post. Dude I'm gay, and I have used the same word s. Like I told my boss about a customer. "That man is the kind of faggot who gives queers a bad name!" Nevermind most people at work have guessed I am one. The customer in question had thrown a pen he was using down, and said,"I'm traumatised!" I asked "What happened to you." He said "I was arrested and they made me undress in front of other people!" It took all of my professional control to keep from falling out of my chair and rolling on the floor laughing. That was traumatic? LOL! That boy has never seen someone stabbed, shot, in a bad car wreck or industrial accident. So yeah being gay myself like blacks who call their own the n word, I feel I should be allowed to use that word when I see one of my kind acting like a fool!

Maybe the guy was a never nude?