Venting I realized I'm trans and that makes things so much worse

[caesium]

I've recently realized this, but honestly this was a long time coming. There has never been a time in my life where I perceived myself as a girl. This realization makes things so much worse.

Unfortunately I live in Hicktown, USA, where the average resident owns at least three rebel flags and spontaneously combusts at the mention of anything slightly "woke." What makes it worse is that many people here know me or my family, so any attempt to transition would at best be ignored and at worst get me in serious trouble. Then, of course there's the current political climate. Because other people's medical decisions should definitely be influenced by a man who doesn't realize that his jaundiced looking spray tan isn't attractive.

Overall I just feel even more hopeless than before. I've told a couple people and they're accepting, but I'm gonna have to hide this from most people in my life. People will never perceive me as a man. People will never fully love me for who I am and it sucks. My current plan involves me staying alive for around ten more months and I don't know how I'm gonna deal with this. I kinda just wanted to get this all off my chest somewhere where I'm anonymous.

 

[(Alex)]

Im so sorry for the life you have to deal with maybe you can build yourself and move to more accepting place, talking about it will lift the heaviness off your chest so never stop talking and i hope from all my heart that you have a very safe and supported transition