i realize i dont have a chance in life, i need to ctb or i’ll go insane

[BEDCHUTE!!]

i hav been thinking so much throughout this entire week about how i genuinely don't hav a chance at life. im untalented, unskilled, n stupid. i cant hold a job because they make me so miserable that i end up leaving after only a week. i cant do school because my mood drops so often that i miss like all of my assignments due to lack of motivation and just depression in general (i need to drop out so bad but my dad would hate me if i did). i lose all of my friends because of my constant need for reassurance and thinking that everyone hates me. i constantly freak out on everyone and act insane on them when im upset bc i feel they hate me or are ignoring me. these are the same reasons i'll never be able to have a real relationship, plus im ugly asf. its been so over since the beginning dudes, i might as well end it now because ik i will be miserable for the rest of my life.

its been yrs of the same shit. same ppl telling me itll get better, that i havent been consistent in trying to get better, that i have to keep holding on. life is making me sick.

i have no one to talk to about any of this. the ppl i talk 2 r sick of me being sad and suicidal all the time, theyre all gonna leave like the past ones. plus i dont want to bother anyone with my shit anyway. im genuinely so alone, i hav no one irl. 0 friends. even my online friends hav irl friends n they constantly tell me to get offline n go "out into the real world" as if its that simple. i envy them for thinking its easy just make real life friends, and do real life things.

its getting worse and worse everyday. i hav never wanted to die more in my entire life than i do now, and each day this statement stands true because it worsens.

i wish i had access to a way to ctb easily in a foolproof way, painlessly hopefully. one day im just going to jump off of a fucking building because i cant take feeling like this anymore.

(srry for the long post lolz,,,)

 

[Weltall]

i hav been thinking so much throughout this entire week about how i genuinely don't hav a chance at life. im untalented, unskilled, n stupid. i cant hold a job because they make me so miserable that i end up leaving after only a week. i cant do school because my mood drops so often that i miss like all of my assignments due to lack of motivation and just depression in general (i need to drop out so bad but my dad would hate me if i did). i lose all of my friends because of my constant need for reassurance and thinking that everyone hates me. i constantly freak out on everyone and act insane on them when im upset bc i feel they hate me or are ignoring me. these are the same reasons i'll never be able to have a real relationship, plus im ugly asf. its been so over since the beginning dudes, i might as well end it now because ik i will be miserable for the rest of my life.

its been yrs of the same shit. same ppl telling me itll get better, that i havent been consistent in trying to get better, that i have to keep holding on. life is making me sick.

i have no one to talk to about any of this. the ppl i talk 2 r sick of me being sad and suicidal all the time, theyre all gonna leave like the past ones. plus i dont want to bother anyone with my shit anyway. im genuinely so alone, i hav no one irl. 0 friends. even my online friends hav irl friends n they constantly tell me to get offline n go "out into the real world" as if its that simple. i envy them for thinking its easy just make real life friends, and do real life things.

its getting worse and worse everyday. i hav never wanted to die more in my entire life than i do now, and each day this statement stands true because it worsens.

i wish i had access to a way to ctb easily in a foolproof way, painlessly hopefully. one day im just going to jump off of a fucking building because i cant take feeling like this anymore.

(srry for the long post lolz,,,)

I have no IRL friends, but I do have online friends, and I wouldn't trade them in for anyone else. They're supportive, and would talk to me if I needed to.
It sounds like you haven't found the right people yet that you can really click with.

There are guys out there that people would consider ugly, but they still are able to obtain girlfriends.
Work on yourself. You need to love yourself before anything else.

As for the job, it's hard for me to comment as most of them are miserable in their own sense.
Maybe you'll eventually find one that is tolerable. Then once you get some experience, and a little bit of education, you can start applying to other jobs that will make your quality of life even better.

Until then, don't hesitate to use us as a support group.
You deserve a chance, no matter how many times you fail.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really understandable feeling so tired of suffering in this existence, it's cruel and dreadful how we cannot just have the option to easily leave this existence in peace. But anyway best wishes, I get that it's so awful when existing just continues to get worse.

 

[DeadManLiving]

These posts make me feel guilty about CTBing, seeing as some have it worse some better. But, if all those empty checkboxes all of your life's deprivations and dissatisfactions were suddenly satisfactorily checked off, would you still want to go? If you went from zero to hero as a nobody with nothing to show to, to someday someone who stole the show ... Would you still CTB?

Would you trade places with me? I don't know. If you were nobody with nothing to show and suddenly became somebody with something to show, poor John Doe to The One who got away and stole the show? I don't often share the whole truth that's the story of my life. Mostly because I don't want to sound self-laudatory, the truth has no friends. But if I can find the right words to give you a glimpse of what it's like to have a good life and sense of self-worth on the other side, all I can say is that it doesn't change the outcome.

You might be able to change your circumstances, but you can't control them. It's not what you have or don't have; it's what you can keep. And no matter the love you receive, how much you achieve, or the money you have - it's how much you can keep. And the truth is you'll never be able to keep up with your own or others expectations. Life is a useless sociobiological game of having to fill holes that never needed to be dug or filled, a constant Battle of needs, desires, and urges and cravings that need to be filled but are not worth the amount of pain that we have to go through to satisfy each and all of them, anticipatory knowing that they will all depreciate into dissatisfactions, or disasters when something or someone sinks your ship or shit in it leaving you only with the same urge and appetite to re-fill the same hole that was unnecessarily dug up, so on and so forth leaving you increasingly torn, scarred, tired and tied in the confined space of old age, where all of life's pleasures depreciate onwards, suffocated with debts of regrets moving forward, left only the appetite for them, and bringing with it each year a headache or heartache of all its sufferings.

Life is a cycle of deprivations that'll never remain satisfactory. It's a game that is not worth playing, only for its pains sake if you will. No matter how good it gets, how successful you'll be, or how much love you have, the cost of existence in constant maintainance or damage control is not worth the gains all good things society advertises or hopes the future beholds. Like promissory notes with runaway inflation, rolling the Rock of Syphilis uphill, even with all of your empty check boxes ticked, you're playing an unwinnable game, and that could only be understood by removing yourself from a participant of it, examining it from afar as an objective observer of this useless sociobiological process, and clocking out.