I plan on killing myself the day I find out I’m pregnant

[enditplz]

This may be a horrible plan, but I feel so stuck. I've battled with depression my whole life and going on birth control to please my husband has made it worse. Constantly pumping my body full of hormones for the past 10 years has pushed me almost over the edge. I recently went off birth control and felt my emotions start to regulate again, but my situation at home causing me to lose hope in ever recovering. My husband refuses to use condoms, blames me for making him depressed for taking away his pleasure, and then proceeds to rape me in my sleep anyways without protection. I never wanted to bring life into this world. Abortion is illegal where I live. So this is it. I have SN in my closest. I bought it while I was at my lowest and kept it cause it makes me feel better to have a way out. I've thought about CTB for my entire life, but something in me has clung to the hope it will get better. Getting pregnant against my will be the final push to make me end my pain. I just hope I can find a more peaceful method before my time comes.

 

[Wyldfyre4948]

Any chance you can talk him into getting a vasectomy? It's a simple procedure and it doesn't have any side effects. If there are side effects they're very rare. Had one myself back in 2017 and it didn't hinder my libido or anything. If he won't go down that road then he's a selfish prick.

 

[enditplz]

Any chance you can talk him into getting a vasectomy? It's a simple procedure and it doesn't have any side effects. If there are side effects they're very rare. Had one myself back in 2017 and it didn't hinder my libido or anything. If he won't go down that road then he's a selfish prick.

yes, I've brought up a vasectomy. He refuses to have anything done to his body and would rather me have my tubes tied. I refuse to have anything else done to my body for him. Since I've been suicidal, at least I know my time will come soon at this rate.

 

[Antibiotic]

Perhaps I'm hopeful or out of line but I feel like there's a better way, your husband sounds like a horrible man and it sounds like you know he is but there's always another option instead of just death, when I was younger my mother just ran away into the night with me not telling my abusive father a thing and there was nothing he could do but you don't have to wait until you have a child just leave there's nothing he can do if you run away, you can bring the SN with you but only use it when it's the last option then you should try leaving first

 

[spinningmyself]

Have you thought about getting your tubes tied or whatever it is they call it nowadays? It is your body and if you do not want to have kids you should definitely not do so. It sounds like he would be too selfish, and I am sorry for saying that because idk him, to get a vasectomy. I have had children, I wanted them, but when I was sure I didn't want to have anymore I got my tubes tied. It wasn't a bad or scary thing they knocked me out and I was fine and it was done. If he would have a problem with that then I would probably tell him to F off but that is just me. My husband would have gotten the vasectomy but the only way I could be and fell sure was to have it done to me. It never changed anything between us or take any kind of enjoyment out of our relationship, for me it was more freeing in a way. I hope you are able to work things out for whatever you choose to do.
I am sorry I am a very slow typer and didn't see you have already stated not wanting the tubes tied thing done. You should not have to do anything you don't want too. If I were in your situation I would probably leave him, even if I loved him because it sounds like a one way kind of street thing.

 

[enditplz]

Perhaps I'm hopeful or out of line but I feel like there's a better way, your husband sounds like a horrible man and it sounds like you know he is but there's always another option instead of just death, when I was younger my mother just ran away into the night with me not telling my abusive father a thing and there was nothing he could do but you don't have to wait until you have a child just leave there's nothing he can do if you run away, you can bring the SN with you but only use it when it's the last option then you should try leaving first

I tried divorcing him last year. I'm the breadwinner between us and hearing from all lawyers I talked to that I would owe him alimony made me back down. I can't imagine being forced to cut him a paycheck every month.

 

[FadingSunshine]

I really hope you find another way, your husband sounds like an absolute douche. I'm sorry you have to put up with him.

 

[Touhou]

Use fentanyl & do it before you get pregnant. You shouldn't claim two lives with your CTB.

 

[Wyldfyre4948]

yes, I've brought up a vasectomy. He refuses to have anything done to his body and would rather me have my tubes tied. I refuse to have anything else done to my body for him. Since I've been suicidal, at least I know my time will come soon at this rate.

If abortion is illegal where you live you'd need to do something that guarantees your own death. Otherwise you could be charged with a crime if the fetus dies. It's bullshit he won't budge on a vasectomy though. The recovery time is much shorter for a man to get that done than getting your tubes tied.

 

[Stuckinpast28]

I tried divorcing him last year. I'm the breadwinner between us and hearing from all lawyers I talked to that I would owe him alimony made me back down. I can't imagine being forced to cut him a paycheck every month.

Pretty sure alimony is out of the table when abuse and rape come into play. Have you told a lawyer that you are being abused?

 

[Meditation guide]

I tried divorcing him last year. I'm the breadwinner between us and hearing from all lawyers I talked to that I would owe him alimony made me back down. I can't imagine being forced to cut him a paycheck every month.

My heart goes out to you. Is there some place else you could go to live without divorcing him? Simply rent an apartment and move out. You need to get away from him, divorce or no divorce and cut off contact.

If you simply prefer to end it all I understand that. I hope you find a solution that is best for you.

 

[Antibiotic]

I tried divorcing him last year. I'm the breadwinner between us and hearing from all lawyers I talked to that I would owe him alimony made me back down. I can't imagine being forced to cut him a paycheck every month.

Don't even go for the divorce just disappear

 

[busybee]

Did you concider a copper IUD?
Really safe without hormones. Just hurts. Take as much ibuprofen ahaed as you can if you decide on that.
Can you sue him for the rape thing? If you do legal actions for that you might get out of making payments.

 

[Daxter_87]

I'm so sorry. Your husband seems incredibly disrespectful and selfish. Since he stubbornly refuses to either use condoms or have a vasectomy, and you can't divorce him, you must feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. But then again, no matter how thoughtless and uncaring some people are, the unfair laws of our shitty system often let them get away with it...

 

[Mxverick]

You should report your husband

 

[Ambivalent1]

 

[AboutTom]

Use fentanyl & do it before you get pregnant. You shouldn't claim two lives with your CTB.

She has her right, don't tell her when to do it.

 

[nessun_nome]

This may be a horrible plan, but I feel so stuck. I've battled with depression my whole life and going on birth control to please my husband has made it worse. Constantly pumping my body full of hormones for the past 10 years has pushed me almost over the edge. I recently went off birth control and felt my emotions start to regulate again, but my situation at home causing me to lose hope in ever recovering. My husband refuses to use condoms, blames me for making him depressed for taking away his pleasure, and then proceeds to rape me in my sleep anyways without protection. I never wanted to bring life into this world. Abortion is illegal where I live. So this is it. I have SN in my closest. I bought it while I was at my lowest and kept it cause it makes me feel better to have a way out. I've thought about CTB for my entire life, but something in me has clung to the hope it will get better. Getting pregnant against my will be the final push to make me end my pain. I just hope I can find a more peaceful method before my time comes.

Where are you? You shouldn't have to put up with this. Are there any support services?

 

[Meditation guide]

This may be a horrible plan, but I feel so stuck. I've battled with depression my whole life and going on birth control to please my husband has made it worse. Constantly pumping my body full of hormones for the past 10 years has pushed me almost over the edge. I recently went off birth control and felt my emotions start to regulate again, but my situation at home causing me to lose hope in ever recovering. My husband refuses to use condoms, blames me for making him depressed for taking away his pleasure, and then proceeds to rape me in my sleep anyways without protection. I never wanted to bring life into this world. Abortion is illegal where I live. So this is it. I have SN in my closest. I bought it while I was at my lowest and kept it cause it makes me feel better to have a way out. I've thought about CTB for my entire life, but something in me has clung to the hope it will get better. Getting pregnant against my will be the final push to make me end my pain. I just hope I can find a more peaceful method before my time comes.

Also you may be able to order the abortion pill online. But about being raped in your sleep, time to figure out where else to live away from the rapist. Time to stop thinking of this guy as your husband.

 

[nofunclub]

I'm so sorry. It sounds like you are living in hell.

I never wanted to bring life into this world. Abortion is illegal where I live. So this is it.

Ending your life is your choice. For whatever it's worth, though, in case you change your mind, there are ways to access safe abortion care even in states and countries where abortion is illegal. There are abortion pills that can be sent through the mail for terminating pregnancies up to and including 12 weeks. The pills may work for even longer than 12 weeks. And you can get pills ahead of time to have on hand in case you ever need them.

In the United States, Aid Access mails abortion pills to people in all 50 states, and offers a sliding scale payment system. There are other resources that will find other options based on your U.S. location. 1 / 2

For many other countries, Women on Web will send the pills through the mail. They offer financial aid as well. I don't know as much about overseas options tbh, but I'm sure there are other organizations too.

As I said before, it's your choice to end your life. I don't mean to undermine your right to your decision, and it sounds like this is not the only factor that is leading you to this conclusion. I just wanted to provide the information because sadly a lot of people are in a situation where they don't see a way to escape an unwanted pregnancy. And so if you decided you wanted to live, you have this info available.

I'm sorry you are going through all of this. You do not deserve it.

 

[Meditation guide]

This may be a horrible plan, but I feel so stuck. I've battled with depression my whole life and going on birth control to please my husband has made it worse. Constantly pumping my body full of hormones for the past 10 years has pushed me almost over the edge. I recently went off birth control and felt my emotions start to regulate again, but my situation at home causing me to lose hope in ever recovering. My husband refuses to use condoms, blames me for making him depressed for taking away his pleasure, and then proceeds to rape me in my sleep anyways without protection. I never wanted to bring life into this world. Abortion is illegal where I live. So this is it. I have SN in my closest. I bought it while I was at my lowest and kept it cause it makes me feel better to have a way out. I've thought about CTB for my entire life, but something in me has clung to the hope it will get better. Getting pregnant against my will be the final push to make me end my pain. I just hope I can find a more peaceful method before my time comes.

Can you find a physician who will agree to do the procedure to make it so you can never get pregnant? Don't tell your husband if you do this.

 

[StarFaded]

I am so sorry for the abuse you're going through, but also relieved to hear that you've at least got an exit plan for yourself with the SN. I didn't know that taking oral contraceptives long term is bad for you, my GP said it's fine for me to take it indefinitely even though I've always suspected that it can't be safe for me.

Whatever you end up choosing to do, I wish you all the best and a safe journey.

 

[peelingbananas]

yes, I've brought up a vasectomy. He refuses to have anything done to his body and would rather me have my tubes tied. I refuse to have anything else done to my body for him. Since I've been suicidal, at least I know my time will come soon at this rate.

is he aware that a vasectomy can almost always be reversed if he later regrets it?