"I only care about the biological sex (in contrast to the gender of that person) when it comes to partnerships" is this attitude transphobic?

[noname223]

I have had some conversations with my closest college friend. I hide that I never was in a relationship ever in my life in front of him. I would not have expected it but he seems to be pretty much of a fuckboy. He said things like "This time I want a relationship where I actually like my partner and it is not only about sex" When I mentioned I am on dating apps he considered me a fuckboy. Lmao. He seems to a low key asshole to woman. He started a relationship with someone told her after a while he cannot imagine to be together with more than 12 months....I am kind of shocked he acts this way.

He told me an anecdote. He has a longterm crush but the person's pronouns are "he/him". He told me they were intimate but no sex. He even was in relationship when they came closer. When I called the person a transman he was sort of angry/upset. He did not want that I call his crush trans. Is it possible someone with a different biological sex wants the pronouns he/him and at the same time is not trans? Actually I do not know that. But ockahm's razor suggests the person is trans.
However, I think he just disliked the notion of being attracted to a trans man. He told me "I only care about the biological sex when it comes to partnerships." And I do not care about the gender.
But he uses the wanted pronouns.

My friends were shocked by his behavior. I told them yesterday that my college friend was at a pride LGBTQI+ parade recently with his new gf. (How does he get all these women all the time. Maybe because he acts like an asshole?) They joked it is ironic that someone who is actually a transphobe goes to a pride parade.

What do you think is his behavior transphobic?

 

[Agon321]

I don't know if I understood correctly, but there is nothing transophobic about someone being only interested in biological sex.

 

[noname223]

I don't know if I understood correctly, but there is nothing transophobic about someone being only interested in biological sex.

The biological sex in contrast to gender the social construct.

 

[Agon321]

The biological sex in contrast to gender the social construct.

Well, I, for one, wouldn't want to be in an intimate relationship with a transsexual.
I would feel very uncomfortable.
This doesn't make me transphobic.
But I also don't insult transsexuals because I am completely indifferent to them.

I understand this person and I don't see why anyone would consider him a transophobe.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'd agree with you that his new girlfriend sounds trans. Or, they've had bad experiences on the internet revealing themselves to be female, so they use male pronouns on things like social media. I've known people use male profile pictures on Instagram. Not because they want to be male but because there are so many 'love' scammers out there who will just randomly hit on women. Or, just random men that will hit on women and, they aren't looking for that.

But, if they haven't transitioned yet, then, I would say they are biologically still female. Sorry if that offends anyone. So, as a statement, it makes sense to me- he prefers to f*ck people with female genitalia.

As to being transphophic- I'd say that's more about his general attitude towards trans people. How does he feel about protecting their rights? Does he feel they are entitled to the rights they fight for?

Really though- just because you don't want to have sex with someone, doesn't mean you hold a prejudice against their entire 'type'. I tend to be attracted to people of my own race. Mostly even from the same country as me. Does that make me racist? Surely not. It's just who I happen to be attracted to. You don't need to be willing to have sex with everyone and everything to prove you don't hold a prejudice against them. Being phobic against something is surely more about denying them the same rights as you have.

 

[noname223]

I'd agree with you that his new girlfriend sounds trans. Or, they've had bad experiences on the internet revealing themselves to be female, so they use male pronouns on things like social media. I've known people use male profile pictures on Instagram. Not because they want to be male but because there are so many 'love' scammers out there who will just randomly hit on women. Or, just random men that will hit on women and, they aren't looking for that.

But, if they haven't transitioned yet, then, I would say they are biologically still female. Sorry if that offends anyone. So, as a statement, it makes sense to me- he prefers to f*ck people with female genitalia.

As to being transphophic- I'd say that's more about his general attitude towards trans people. How does he feel about protecting their rights? Does he feel they are entitled to the rights they fight for?

Really though- just because you don't want to have sex with someone, doesn't mean you hold a prejudice against their entire 'type'. I tend to be attracted to people of my own race. Mostly even from the same country as me. Does that make me racist? Surely not. It's just who I happen to be attracted to. You don't need to be willing to have sex with everyone and everything to prove you don't hold a prejudice against them. Being phobic against something is surely more about denying them the same rights as you have.

I think most people missed the point why it actually could be transphobic. It is not about having sex with a transperson. It has nothing to do with sexual activities. Here you see the problem that on English there are different meanings on the term sex.

It is about the attitude that he ignores the gender of that person. The person he has a crush on is male. But my college friend is not gay or bisexual (which he would sort of be if transmen count as real men). But he says he only cares about her biological sex while ignoring the gender of the transman. By that he rejects the preferred gender of that person. He does not consider the transman a real man.

In the end trans people have to decide whether this attitude is transphobic. I hoped some trans person could give their take on it because I am curious what they think about it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think most people missed the point why it actually could be transphobic. It is not about having sex with a transperson. It has nothing to do with sexual activities. Here you see the problem that on English there are different meanings on the term sex.

It is about the attitude that he ignores the gender of that person. The person he has a crush on is male. But my college friend is not gay or bisexual (which he would sort of be if transmen count as real men). But he says he only cares about her biological sex while ignoring the gender of the transman. By that he rejects the preferred gender of that person. He does not consider the transman a real man.

In the end trans people have to decide whether this attitude is transphobic. I hoped some trans person could give their take on it because I am curious what they think about it.

I see. Yeah, if he won't recognise his friends identity then yes, that does sound like he's transphobic. Seems weird that that doesn't offend them. I don't think I'd want to have sex with someone who didn't support who I was.

 

[astr4]

you can use the right pronouns but if you won't acknowledge someone's identity then it's pretty transphobic yeah. no one says you have to date trans people but specifically the aspect of dating them AND disregarding their identity in order to do so is pretty disgusting. not trans tho but i am queer, just my two cents.

 

[Imagined_Euphoria]

I never cared about relationships or sex, and I'm glad I didn't. It seems very complicated these days.

 

[DarkRange55]

I agree with the top commenter.


If you're that worried look into pansexuality:

Pansexual

Pansexuality, also abbreviated as pan, is a sexual orientation encompassing attraction to multiple genders,[1][2][3][4] with the attraction being physical, romantic, and/or emotional.[2][3] The term has been variously defined as attracted to all genders,[3][4] capable of attraction to any or all...

lgbtqia.fandom.com

"Definitions also vary regarding how gender and attraction interact for pansexuals. A common perception is that pansexuality means a person's attractions are not influenced by gender. However, pansexuals may feel that gender does not matter[1][2][5]or instead feel it is a factor in the way they are attracted. Some pansexuals are attracted to different genders in different ways, or they are more attracted to particular genders.[1]"

 

[Uninfluential_Karma]

Trans person here, I have mixed views on this. It is entirely possible to use he/him pronouns without identifying as a dude, but if the person does identify as transgender, your friend could be very transphobic. Anyway if the person your friend is interested in isn't a transman, I think your friend is completely fine. There are many valid reasons why someone could care about biological sex, like wanting to have children or just not being attracted to "different" people.