Pixiep
Existence is pain
- Sep 3, 2019
- 27
Unless you count my boyfriend of almost 4 years. Who pulls away from me more and more every day and soon i wont have him.either.
But this isn't a vent lol.
So the discussion?
How many friends do you have? And how close are you to them? How does that make you feel day to day while you make plans, and does it directly affect your desire to cbt in one way or another?
I just lost my last 3. One to cbt herself, the other 2 simply do not wanna be around me anymore. And like i said am losing my boyfriend who is my best friend more and more every day. So needless to say its pretty lonely and definitely makes me think more often about my plans to cbt. When Im alone is when I think about it constantly and I am often alone. But despite having no friends, there are 3 people that still can make me hesitate out of guilt. My boyfriend because he is getting distant due to an ongoing drug addiction and although were in a horrible place in our relationship rn, Im all he has. My mother, bc when my friend just did it my moms exact words to me were "She just destroyed her family. Dont you dare ever do that to us." And my friend that is the girls sister. Bc even tho her and I are no longer friends thats alot to deal with at once.
But at the end of the day tbh I remind myself the choice is mine and it may be selfish but i cant let anyone take that from me and just live for others, completely miserable. I would never let any of them live their whole life for me despite not knowing peace and happiness themselves. So I sure tf am not gonna either. I refuse to feel this way anymore.
But this isn't a vent lol.
So the discussion?
How many friends do you have? And how close are you to them? How does that make you feel day to day while you make plans, and does it directly affect your desire to cbt in one way or another?
I just lost my last 3. One to cbt herself, the other 2 simply do not wanna be around me anymore. And like i said am losing my boyfriend who is my best friend more and more every day. So needless to say its pretty lonely and definitely makes me think more often about my plans to cbt. When Im alone is when I think about it constantly and I am often alone. But despite having no friends, there are 3 people that still can make me hesitate out of guilt. My boyfriend because he is getting distant due to an ongoing drug addiction and although were in a horrible place in our relationship rn, Im all he has. My mother, bc when my friend just did it my moms exact words to me were "She just destroyed her family. Dont you dare ever do that to us." And my friend that is the girls sister. Bc even tho her and I are no longer friends thats alot to deal with at once.
But at the end of the day tbh I remind myself the choice is mine and it may be selfish but i cant let anyone take that from me and just live for others, completely miserable. I would never let any of them live their whole life for me despite not knowing peace and happiness themselves. So I sure tf am not gonna either. I refuse to feel this way anymore.
