I now have my cyanide, looking to acquire happiness next.

[larastoned]

I have been suicidal for as long as I remember. My first attempt was when I was just 6 years old. Over the years since then, I have attempted at least once a year. I even almost successfully killed myself years ago had I not been found. I went into a coma for a week or so instead.

10 years ago, I was diagnosed with multiple personality and mood disorders, namely: Bipolar Il Disorder, ADHD, and Borderline Personality Disorder.

I have tried almost, if not all, available prescription drugs (in my country at least). I have been in therapy, too.

I did everything I can, I exhausted all "solutions".

Exercises, healthy diet, cutting off toxic people, the works.

Earlier this year, I was hit with a massive mental breakdown. I quit my job. Because of that, I am now deep in debt, which only added to my misery.

I have decided a month ago that the best course of action for me is to just disappear, because as crazy as it may sound, that is the only solution to free myself from this agony. I did not, however, made an impulsive decision, this time, I want to actually die. I spent the past few weeks researching methods, coming up with plans, etc.


I now have a box of cyanide powder in the corner of my room. I'm going to dissolve some in water, and drink it. Hopefully, I will be successful this time, and I will be free and happy.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Clinically depressed, bipolar 1 and aspergers here.
I'm the same as regards meds, therapy and other forms of so-called help.
Nothing works !
Sorry you are going through this too.
I hope you find the peace you deserve.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best of luck with your plans, I hope that you find freedom from all suffering.

 

[annique]

sorry to hear you've been through rough times dealing with mental and emotional issues
i've also tried medications, therapy etc and none of them worked
i've looked into acquiring cyanide since i think i'd be the best method for myself

if i may, was it too hard for you to get it?

 

[mswhite]

How did you get the cyanide?

 

[larastoned]

UPDATE: I'm still alive. I didn't anticipate how badly it would taste. I just ordered empty capsules, and I plan on filling it with the cyanide instead.

Clinically depressed, bipolar 1 and aspergers here.
I'm the same as regards meds, therapy and other forms of so-called help.
Nothing works !
Sorry you are going through this too.
I hope you find the peace you deserve.

Thank you so much. I hope you do, too, whatever that means for you.

I wish you the best of luck with your plans, I hope that you find freedom from all suffering.

Thank you.

sorry to hear you've been through rough times dealing with mental and emotional issues
i've also tried medications, therapy etc and none of them worked
i've looked into acquiring cyanide since i think i'd be the best method for myself

if i may, was it too hard for you to get it?

I'm sorry. It wasn't actually. The hard part was in looking for a vendor who's willing to sell small amount.

 

[Meditation guide]

Did you taste the cyanide?

When you ordered it did anyone ask what it was for?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

How much cyanide (grams) do you plan to ingest?

 

[larastoned]

Did you taste the cyanide?

When you ordered it did anyone ask what it was for?

Yes, it tastes like…industrial slime. And leaves an itch in your throat. No, I bought it from an anonymous seller.

How much cyanide (grams) do you plan to ingest?

I made 12 capsules, each containing about 300-350mg each. I'm planning on taking 5 to reach the maximum dose of 1.5g.

 

[HD72]

sorry to hear you've been through rough times dealing with mental and emotional issues
i've also tried medications, therapy etc and none of them worked
i've looked into acquiring cyanide since i think i'd be the best method for myself

if i may, was it too hard for you to get it?

I'd kinda like to know too.

Yes, it tastes like…industrial slime. And leaves an itch in your throat. No, I bought it from an anonymous seller.

I made 12 capsules, each containing about 300-350mg each. I'm planning on taking 5 to reach the maximum dose of 1.5g.

Will it be painful and slow

 

[sad_rock]

bipolar 1, ptsd, autism here. medications made me too manic/psychotic or anhedonic. sorry seeing you go through all of that it must have taken a toll.
may you rest with your decision

 

[HD72]

Yes, it tastes like…industrial slime. And leaves an itch in your throat. No, I bought it from an anonymous seller.

I made 12 capsules, each containing about 300-350mg each. I'm planning on taking 5 to reach the maximum dose of 1.5g.

Will it be painful and slow

 

[The Schizoid]

Yes, it tastes like…industrial slime. And leaves an itch in your throat. No, I bought it from an anonymous seller.

I made 12 capsules, each containing about 300-350mg each. I'm planning on taking 5 to reach the maximum dose of 1.5g.

Update?

 

[sad_rock]

Will it be painful and slow

cyanide is really painful but acts fast.

 

[HD72]

cyanide is really painful but acts fast.

May I ask how u know

 

[larastoned]

bipolar 1, ptsd, autism here. medications made me too manic/psychotic or anhedonic. sorry seeing you go through all of that it must have taken a toll.
may you rest with your decision

Hey. Thank you for your message. I haven't CTBed yet. I'm still trying to find ways to conquer SI. I'm

Update?

I don't know what kind of update you're looking for here, but I'm still alive. And honestly considering to add another CTB method (BDO).

May I ask how u know

Based on stories of people who died through Cyanide, and the books on the megathread.

 

[The Schizoid]

Hey. Thank you for your message. I haven't CTBed yet. I'm still trying to find ways to conquer SI. I'm

I don't know what kind of update you're looking for here, but I'm still alive. And honestly considering to add another CTB method (BDO).

Based on stories of people who died through Cyanide, and the books on the megathread.

Sorry just checking if you were still with us or not

 

[Intoxicated]

Will it be painful and slow

Efficiency of cyanides can vary depending on the substance and the way of consumption. Inhalation of hydrogen cyanide at 270 ppm or above should work much faster than ingesting sodium cyanide or potassium cyanide. Ingestion can take effect in minutes, and death can happen in an hour or more. People were rescued after ingesting 1 - 1.5 g of potassium cyanide

Potassium Cyanide

Potassium Cyanide | KCN or CKN | CID 9032 - structure, chemical names, physical and chemical properties, classification, patents, literature, biological activities, safety/hazards/toxicity information, supplier lists, and more.

pubchem.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

 

[Macrista]

Where did you get this seller. Please share as you will CTB. Can you pm me @larastoned

 

[larastoned]

Sorry just checking if you were still with us or not

Thank you for checking. Hopefully I'll gather the courage to conquer SI soon.

Efficiency of cyanides can vary depending on the substance and the way of consumption. Inhalation of hydrogen cyanide at 270 ppm or above should work much faster than ingesting sodium cyanide or potassium cyanide. Ingestion can take effect in minutes, and death can happen in an hour or more. People were rescued after ingesting 1 - 1.5 g of potassium cyanide

Potassium Cyanide

Potassium Cyanide | KCN or CKN | CID 9032 - structure, chemical names, physical and chemical properties, classification, patents, literature, biological activities, safety/hazards/toxicity information, supplier lists, and more.

pubchem.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

Interesting. Thank you for this!

Where did you get this seller. Please share as you will CTB. Can you pm me @larastoned

Not sure I can help you. Where are you from? DM me.

 

[sad_rock]

Thank you for checking. Hopefully I'll gather the courage to conquer SI soon.

Interesting. Thank you for this!

Not sure I can help you. Where are you from? DM me.

the account looks too recent; i would be suspicious

 

[The Schizoid]

Thank you for checking. Hopefully I'll gather the courage to conquer SI soon.

Part of me is hoping you'll find some peace and wont need to do it, but if you've tried it all and it nothing works then I hope you at least find some peace in death.

 

[larastoned]

Part of me is hoping you'll find some peace and wont need to do it, but if you've tried it all and it nothing works then I hope you at least find some peace in death.

Actually, I'm hoping for that too. A part of me is hoping that a miracle will come, and take all my pain away.

 

[glossble]

I feel you, I also have depression, bpd and adhd, also quit my job and was living on my savings. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way
Whatever you decide, I hope you find what you're looking for

 

[larastoned]

I feel you, I also have depression, bpd and adhd, also quit my job and was living on my savings. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way
Whatever you decide, I hope you find what you're looking for

Thank you. I hope you do, too.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I feel you, I also have depression, bpd and adhd, also quit my job and was living on my savings. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way
Whatever you decide, I hope you find what you're looking for

Same. Can't work due to mental illness and living off savings.
It's becoming really frightening now because I will run out of money before the end of December.

 

[glossble]

Same. Can't work due to mental illness and living off savings.
It's becoming really frightening now because I will run out of money before the end of December.

Same as me, hope I can get antiemetic by then
Sending you a virtual hug (.づ◡﹏◡)づ

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Same as me, hope I can get antiemetic by then
Sending you a virtual hug (.づ◡﹏◡)づ

Thank you.
Hugs to you.