Venting I no longer feel guilty

[Gill_Bates666]

I am most likely responsible for starting my mothers alcoholism and for a while i felt guilty but then i stopped feeling anything towards it. Even worse is that i thought if she died then that would justify my depression which i didnt know why i had at the time. I really am scum and an awful human being and the world is better off without people like me. I guess i just wanted to get this off my chest because ive never talked to anyone about it for obvious reasons.

 

[Ash]

All adults are ultimately responsible for making our own choices. We get to decide which paths we take, whether we continue or turn back. Circumstances can give us a push but each individual makes a conscious decision. Whatever happened in your mother's life, she gets to choose each time she picks up the glass. You get to choose, too, each time you think about suicide and what method you'd choose. But they're our own choices. Yes, they affect other people. But as adults, we're free to succeed or bumble along or self-destruct as and when we like. So no matter what you did, you didn't cause your mother's alcoholism. You may or may not have contributed to the circumstances. But she made that choice. She may not have been able to help it. But that's her shit, not yours. Just as your shit is yours, not hers, no matter how much she contributed. As you're an adult and you get to make your own choices.