I no longer fear the pain.

[leavingsoon99]

Part of what was holding me back from ctb for a long time was the thought of the pain. Not so much anymore. I'm ready to go. I know that my method is going to hurt. I'm just not sure how long it will, or if I'll even be conscious of it. All I know is that I will finally be free. I understand that there's a small chance of failing, but I don't care anymore. I hope that once I pull the trigger, I will be gone. I want the nightmare to end. I really hate it here. I hate everything about my life. I hate that the voices of my abusers are still fresh in my mind. I hate that I'll never outgrow my trauma. I really hate that I was put on this earth.

I'm just rambling. If you can relate, then please share.

 

[skies]

can i ask what method? i relate though for hanging, i figure the few seconds of discomfort won't really matter if ill forget everything anyways

 

[leavingsoon99]

can i ask what method? i relate though for hanging, i figure the few seconds of discomfort won't really matter if ill forget everything anyways

I'm using a gun.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Same here.
Hate existence with every fibre of my being.
Still having nightmares about my horrendous childhood.
Ptsd won't go away.
I live in UK and the gun laws are some of the strictest in the world.
I Would love a nice gun, something like a 357 magnum.
I understand reaching that point where you are not afraid of the pain anymore.
I think we just reach a certain point of acceptance when we have reached the bottom of the pit of despair.
I know how much you've suffered from talking with you on previous posts.
I wish you good luck and peace my friend whenever you decide to finally end this suffering.

 

[CloudyNightSky]

Yeah I can relate its just one of the shittiest feeling in the world. Im really sorry you had to go through this too. Man sometimes I just wanna kill everyone. And I think I'd do it if I just could end the entire humanity. I'm praying for you that it'll be very short. Even tho I don't really think there's a god I hope you have a better time in the afterlife

 

[FuneralCry]

I also really hate existence, in my case all that appeals to me is the peace of eternal nothingness, the thought of being in an eternal and dreamless sleep is all that comforts me. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for, it's certainly understandable just wanting to be gone, existing truly is so dreadful.