Venting I never wanted to become an adult

[Bread]

I know this isn't that uncommon of a sentiment even among "normal" people, but since I'll probably die still thinking this I think it ran a little too deep in me. I remember being 13 and realizing that I only had 5 years before I became an "adult". I was absolutely terrified. My parents and therapists told me that feeling would go away, but like with everything else, they were wrong about that as well. Here I am in my 20s feeling that terror in an even more terrible form. There's nothing realistic that I want from this world. Even if I tried, I have no skills and I'm virtually unemployable. Greatest of all, however, is the fact that I was never interested in living life as anything other than a child in the first place.

I'm probably going to die soon, but up until that moment I'll still refuse to become an adult.

 

[CuriousAboutThis]

27 years old and I don't mind being an adult but there is really nothing for me to do in this world have no job no girlfriend live off of SSDI not certain if I deserve it and there really doesn't seem any real reason why I am alive it would be nice if I could really CTB but I don't think anyone here is really going to help me do it I am thinking about it but not certain if I could really do it I like living for art, poetry, music, and family and friends but still want to die at times.

 

[Firecaste]

Oh goodness, don't bring up time and aging, the whole damn forum is depressed enough as it is.

 

[Doggo]

Glad there's more like us out there. Feels even more like a prison when you're an adult. Thought it was bad before, boy was i wrong. Wish i could go back. Some just can't survive the adult life.

 

[Bread]

Glad there's more like us out there. Feels even more like a prison when you're an adult. Thought it was bad before, boy was i wrong. Wish i could go back. Some just can't survive the adult life.

I totally thought being a kid was hard and that my life would be better once I'd grown up. I wish I had known how wrong I was.

 

[Doggo]

I totally thought being a kid was hard and that my life would be better once I'd grown up. I wish I had known how wrong I was.

Right! Really depressing thinking about this. Remember having all those future plans...Being a naive kid sure was fun.

 

[StillWaiting]

Sadly we don't have a choice just like how we didn't have a choice to choose to be born

 

[lululoo]

I knew as a kid I couldn't handle being an adult. I was right.

 

[Zzzzz]

I don't think anyone here is really going to help me do it .

Why do you say that?

 

[Kyrok]

I'm in my 50s. I didn't want kids -- both because I thought children of mine would have shit lives, but also because I didn't want the responsibility.

Yet: mortgage, home repairs, car maintanance, bills, insurance workplace shit, taxes, etc.
And worst of all, pain from progressive medical problems.

All told, overwhelmingly clear: life isn't worth living.

 

[deflagrat]

I have never been an adult (29 now). I still do the same things I used to do when I was 16 years old. Disability benefits and my parent's support helps a lot (main reason why I haven't ended myself yet).

 

[Whiskeyjames]

Are you fucking serious? Being adult is fucking awesome!!! The only shit things are money and responsibilities..that's it.

If there is money and no responsibility being an adult is best. Going to raves/EDC/Tomorrowland/Ultra every year; racing nice cars on the tracks, eating high-end sushi and steaks with best wine/alchol; buying nice things(i.e.estates) for love ones; travel everywhere, fuck ton of drugs, hang around beautiful people you desire, having the best Heath care for you and your family, these are just few of the many things only being an adult can enjoy.

The only problem is that I'm not as capable as those self-made millionaires...that's it.

 

[TheCrow]

I have never been an adult (29 now). I still do the same things I used to do when I was 16 years old. Disability benefits and my parent's support helps a lot (main reason why I haven't ended myself yet).

Same.

 

[Eren]

I also have "fear" to be an adult, I'm 24 years old, but in my case it's not because I'm an adult, but because I see that my life does not advance even when I was 24 years old, I consider myself quite immature and I do not identify myself mentally as adult.

 

[Rollo]

I know this isn't that uncommon of a sentiment even among "normal" people, but since I'll probably die still thinking this I think it ran a little too deep in me. I remember being 13 and realizing that I only had 5 years before I became an "adult". I was absolutely terrified. My parents and therapists told me that feeling would go away, but like with everything else, they were wrong about that as well. Here I am in my 20s feeling that terror in an even more terrible form. There's nothing realistic that I want from this world. Even if I tried, I have no skills and I'm virtually unemployable. Greatest of all, however, is the fact that I was never interested in living life as anything other than a child in the first place.

I'm probably going to die soon, but up until that moment I'll still refuse to become an adult.

The only real meaning of the world 'adult' is that you assume the responsibility for securing your needs whatever they are and by whatever means you see fit. You either secure them yourself or you depend on your parents to secure them. Adult means you have a game plan, you're a player. All the other stuff about what being adult means - these are just people manipulating the notion by including their preffered personal traits.

 

[Bread]

If there is money and no responsibility being an adult is best. Going to raves/EDC/Tomorrowland/Ultra every year; racing nice cars on the tracks, eating high-end sushi and steaks with best wine/alchol; buying nice things(i.e.estates) for love ones; travel everywhere, fuck ton of drugs, hang around beautiful people you desire, having the best Heath care for you and your family, these are just few of the many things only being an adult can enjoy.

That would probably be really fun for a lot of people, but that kind of lifestyle doesn't interest me. I hope that someday you might achieve it though.

 

[JayZT]

I don't want to age but I want to be able to do all the things adults can do (get their own house, drive etc)

Ageing terrifies me...

 

[Redt2go]

I don't want to age but I want to be able to do all the things adults can do (get their own house, drive etc)

Ageing terrifies me...

Once you get to college you'll enjoy your life its the perfect middle ground

 

[Jake88]

Oh goodness, don't bring up time and aging, the whole damn forum is depressed enough as it is.

Right? Seriously though how many minutes in an hour!!??? I was taught 60 but that can't be true! I've developed gray hair in the last "hour" here alone.

"Salt and pepper, salt and pepper, salt and pepper... pepper pepper salt!"

You gotta feel the rhythm though or it just looks like nonsensical rambling... Maybe it is.







Don't lie though. You're bopping and weaving to the Salt and Pepper song right now.

 

[JayZT]

Once you get to college you'll enjoy your life its the perfect middle ground

I go to college and high school at the moment, I agree College is much better but it's short term relief unfortunately.

 

[Redt2go]

I go to college and high school at the moment, I agree College is much better but it's short term relief unfortunately.

Did you say you were like 16 or 18? I'm talking residential college at 20 or 21

 

[JayZT]

Did you say you were like 16 or 18? I'm talking residential college at 20 or 21

Yeah I'm 16, college in my country is quite different than in the US. I don't stay at college and only go 2 days a week as part of a foundation apprenticeship

 

[TAW122]

Same here, my social life is basically non-existent. I don't really enjoy my life, just existing and becoming numb to things, getting lost in video games and music. I just do enough to survive at the moment (until something pushes me over the edge and I ctb).

27 years old and I don't mind being an adult but there is really nothing for me to do in this world have no job no girlfriend live off of SSDI not certain if I deserve it and there really doesn't seem any real reason why I am alive it would be nice if I could really CTB but I don't think anyone here is really going to help me do it I am thinking about it but not certain if I could really do it I like living for art, poetry, music, and family and friends but still want to die at times.

I'm in a similar situation to you as well. The only difference is that I work a part time job just to barely survive and not go homeless. I'm also fighting to get on SSI since I know long term I'm just not employable and in the past I've never held down a job longer than a month or two at best.

 

[Logic]

I know this isn't that uncommon of a sentiment even among "normal" people, but since I'll probably die still thinking this I think it ran a little too deep in me. I remember being 13 and realizing that I only had 5 years before I became an "adult". I was absolutely terrified. My parents and therapists told me that feeling would go away, but like with everything else, they were wrong about that as well. Here I am in my 20s feeling that terror in an even more terrible form. There's nothing realistic that I want from this world. Even if I tried, I have no skills and I'm virtually unemployable. Greatest of all, however, is the fact that I was never interested in living life as anything other than a child in the first place.

I'm probably going to die soon, but up until that moment I'll still refuse to become an adult.

Would you be happy if you just stayed in your room played video games all day etc or what does being a teenager look like to you?

 

[Final Escape]

I know this isn't that uncommon of a sentiment even among "normal" people, but since I'll probably die still thinking this I think it ran a little too deep in me. I remember being 13 and realizing that I only had 5 years before I became an "adult". I was absolutely terrified. My parents and therapists told me that feeling would go away, but like with everything else, they were wrong about that as well. Here I am in my 20s feeling that terror in an even more terrible form. There's nothing realistic that I want from this world. Even if I tried, I have no skills and I'm virtually unemployable. Greatest of all, however, is the fact that I was never interested in living life as anything other than a child in the first place.

I'm probably going to die soon, but up until that moment I'll still refuse to become an adult.

In your 20's it's still acceptable to have few skills and feel unemployable. It's not easy to grow up but the alternative is to become an adult infant. That sucks even worse, it happened to me. We aren't told that taking on responsibility and pushing through the pain of growing up is actually rewarding. This is where meaning comes from, is to take on responsibility. You still have time to take on the challenge of adulthood but it gets harder the older u get and as patterns get ingrained to be a slacker.

 

[CuriousAboutThis]

Same here, my social life is basically non-existent. I don't really enjoy my life, just existing and becoming numb to things, getting lost in video games and music. I just do enough to survive at the moment (until something pushes me over the edge and I ctb).


I'm in a similar situation to you as well. The only difference is that I work a part time job just to barely survive and not go homeless. I'm also fighting to get on SSI since I know long term I'm just not employable and in the past I've never held down a job longer than a month or two at best.

I also like living for pets the last job I had was when I washed dishes I have been heading down a questionable path in life and will be late on my rent trying to stay away from certain hard drugs and wondering what'll happen in my future keep myself alive for the sake of others.

 

[Bread]

Would you be happy if you just stayed in your room played video games all day etc or what does being a teenager look like to you?

From the time I was 13 I actually have been locked in my room, playing videos games and watching Youtube videos. Not by choice though. It's just meaningless entertainment and I absolutely hate it. I have a physical illness that rendered me too weak to stand up or converse with others for about two years. After that I got a bit stronger and was able to walk short distances in my house. I'm still sick to this day but I was able to get into a kind of experimental new treatment and my body seems to be somewhat responding to the drugs they're giving me.

As a result of all this my adolescence was stolen from me. I never got to go to a school dance or have any friends. I've just been completely alone in my room for nearly ten years. I know that the teenage years can be horrible for a lot of people, but what bothers me the most is that I never had a chance to try. I wanted friends, I wanted to do silly, stupid things, I wanted to play video games together and ride my bike. I know that adults can still do those things, but even if I fully recover I lost interest in this world years ago. The prospect of a new beginning seems too difficult. I'm tired, I'm weak, and I don't want to live much longer. I knew this would happen and I made peace with it years ago.

 

[Bread]

In your 20's it's still acceptable to have few skills and feel unemployable. It's not easy to grow up but the alternative is to become an adult infant. That sucks even worse, it happened to me. We aren't told that taking on responsibility and pushing through the pain of growing up is actually rewarding. This is where meaning comes from, is to take on responsibility. You still have time to take on the challenge of adulthood but it gets harder the older u get and as patterns get ingrained to be a slacker.

Unfortunately I have a physical illness that prevents me from being able to do much of anything. I have no choice but to be a parasite on my parents, which is one of the reasons I should ctb.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Unfortunately I have a physical illness that prevents me from being able to do much of anything. I have no choice but to be a parasite on my parents, which is one of the reasons I should ctb.

I'm sorry that you are suffering from poor health, that must be very challenging at a young age x Is there any hope for improvement for you moving forward?

I wonder if the thought that you are 'a parasite on my parents' is their opinion or just yours? Most parents don't have that view at all and would be sad if they knew that was how you perceived the situation.

With regards to becoming an adult; it's really not that bad! From someone who had a less than ideal childhood, all I wanted to do was be an adult so I could look after myself and have my own safe home. It's definitely worth talking more about with your therapist to find out what your fears really are.

 

[Bread]

Is there any hope for improvement for you moving forward?

I have improved a little, but the biggest problem is that I wouldn't want to live even if I were to recover. I would still have chronic depression, I've had it since I was 12 or 13, nothing has helped it, I despise myself and it gets worse every year. I haven't desired to live for a long time. I don't derive enjoyment from anything, even fun things. I'm just tired of this world and I hope that it will all be over soon. I just lack courage.

In regard to my parents perspective, of course they love me, but my mom has actually discussed euthanasia with me twice before. If I still want to die in five or more years she might be willing to take me to a clinic in Europe. I've certainly considered it an option, but I don't want to wait that long. I also don't think I could go through with it if everyone else knew and was making a big deal over it. In the end, I just want to do it quietly, by myself, without anyone having prior knowledge that I'm going to die. It's simply my preference.