Discussion I never understood SH.

[imonadeadline]

I don't mean to sound judgmental, I just wanna ask and discuss. I've had suicidal ideation for as long as I can remember, but self harm never crossed my mind. At least, the type that you actively do to remind yourself that pain exists. Maybe my mental state hasn't reached that point, but the thought of slicing my skin with a sharp blade never really felt good to me. Some people do it for release, which I want to try and understand at the very least. I've had friends who did it and described it as the itch that they needed to scratch. I mean, I've done acts that can be considered self harm (slapping/punching myself when I'm frustrated, snapping a rubberb and on my wrist to try and understand how it feels) but the specific act of cutting confused me. Does anybody feel the same or have any insights about the matter?

 

[Erik.t.f]

Same, done it a couple times but never got anything out of it

 

[Griffith_NPD]

I don't understand it either.... I've only cut a few times at first because I wanted to carve writing into my skin, but I didn't get really a feeling from it. I just felt neutral and empty. Sure there was minor pain but it did not distract me or help me forget or cope with my mental pain. I am a person who can't even feel good after working out, my brain doesn't release enough endorphins for that, chemically imbalanced so maybe that's why I don't feel anything from this either. It doesn't seem addicting either.... That's just my thoughts though. Also W pfp.

 

[imonadeadline]

I don't understand it either.... I've only cut a few times at first because I wanted to carve writing into my skin, but I didn't get really a feeling from it. I just felt neutral and empty. Sure there was minor pain but it did not distract me or help me forget or cope with my mental pain. I am a person who can't even feel good after working out, my brain doesn't release enough endorphins for that, chemically imbalanced so maybe that's why I don't feel anything from this either. It doesn't seem addicting either.... That's just my thoughts though. Also W pfp.

I think I have the same situation. Honestly, I think I need to see a professional to try and deal with it but that isn't always an option. W pfp for you as well, Omori gang strong

 

[lachrymost]

I prefer hitting/beating myself. The back of a knife is very satisfying--perfect blunt/sharp compromise. I don't like cutting as much because it's messy and scars, comes with infection risk, and the pain isn't my type. I'm lucky that I do get some temporary relief out of it. It's frustrating until I get to that sweet spot and tire myself out.

 

[xBrialesana]

I sat here for a moment trying to explain it but I literally can't. It's like a drug. In fact, I'm force cold turkeying off benzos right now (doctor dipped) and miserable.. something encompassed me to relapse for the first time since I was in high school (I'm 29????!)

It's like a safety.
For some people, it's control; when everything has been done to one person, they feel like hurting themselves is the only way to control their life or have a control over the body(I have serious brain fog rn but somebody could explain much better). I think my relapse issues are part of the control thing but that wasn't an initial factor for me when I was younger.

Idk, to me self harm gives me a relief and comfort blanket similar to OPIATES, we really are all nuts huh, with love

 

[ninevoltheart]

its hard to explain. i've been sh-ing for almost 8 years (mostly cutting, but i've tried burning and beating myself) and it one of those things where everybody has a different motive. i started cutting because i was overwhelmed with a lot of guilt, and was in a toxic friendship that made that feeling worse, so i thought i deserved the pain.

for me its not really a release that i get, but euphoria, almost like a high. i get really excited when i sh or think about sh-ing, and the deeper i go the better i feel; when i'm angry, it relaxes me. sh-ing can increase your dopamine + seratonin levels, so i think thats why a lot of people get addicted to doing it, even if it seems pointless.

i also think the scars are part of it. i've seen many people say that, to them, their scars are proof of the struggles they've faced and that they want more, or feel sad when they fade, which i also relate to. i think its because, to a degree, we want people to notice that we're hurting. sh-ing also gets pretty competitive and i know a lot of people compare their scars to others, so i think that only makes these things worse.

its not for everybody so i understand people who don't get it, hope this answers your question !

 

[FuneralCry]

A desire to cease existing doesn't automatically lead to a desire to self harm, people self harm for their own personal reasons and I don't believe that other people can truly understand as they cannot experience existence in the same way. I've never been into self harm at all, it's not for me, I only wish for freedom from all harm and existing causes me to suffer enough.

 

[imonadeadline]

I prefer hitting/beating myself. The back of a knife is very satisfying--perfect blunt/sharp compromise. I don't like cutting as much because it's messy and scars, comes with infection risk, and the pain isn't my type. I'm lucky that I do get some temporary relief out of it. It's frustrating until I get to that sweet spot and tire myself out.

That's a unique thought about it. I also didn't wanna deal with the possible infection risk and the questionable scars people will definitely see and ask about.

its hard to explain. i've been sh-ing for almost 8 years (mostly cutting, but i've tried burning and beating myself) and it one of those things where everybody has a different motive. i started cutting because i was overwhelmed with a lot of guilt, and was in a toxic friendship that made that feeling worse, so i thought i deserved the pain.

for me its not really a release that i get, but euphoria, almost like a high. i get really excited when i sh or think about sh-ing, and the deeper i go the better i feel; when i'm angry, it relaxes me. sh-ing can increase your dopamine + seratonin levels, so i think thats why a lot of people get addicted to doing it, even if it seems pointless.

i also think the scars are part of it. i've seen many people say that, to them, their scars are proof of the struggles they've faced and that they want more, or feel sad when they fade, which i also relate to. i think its because, to a degree, we want people to notice that we're hurting. sh-ing also gets pretty competitive and i know a lot of people compare their scars to others, so i think that only makes these things worse.

its not for everybody so i understand people who don't get it, hope this answers your question !

This explained the concept quite well! Thank you so much for sharing this. I've heard about the scars becoming "battle scars" and I do find it quite comforting in a way. You have them yet you still went on to live another day. This is also my first time hearing about SH increasing the happy hormones, I think it's quite interesting that it does that.

I sat here for a moment trying to explain it but I literally can't. It's like a drug. In fact, I'm force cold turkeying off benzos right now (doctor dipped) and miserable.. something encompassed me to relapse for the first time since I was in high school (I'm 29????!)

It's like a safety.
For some people, it's control; when everything has been done to one person, they feel like hurting themselves is the only way to control their life or have a control over the body(I have serious brain fog rn but somebody could explain much better). I think my relapse issues are part of the control thing but that wasn't an initial factor for me when I was younger.

Idk, to me self harm gives me a relief and comfort blanket similar to OPIATES, we really are all nuts huh, with love

"Control". That word hit me deep. I may not find the method appealing, but thanks to you and what other people have explained, I have grasped why people do it. I hope that you can fully recover from the relapses and find a better way to control it. But if this works for now, then its okay. Thank you for this, it explained it quite well.

 

[maybunni]

its hard to explain. i've been sh-ing for almost 8 years (mostly cutting, but i've tried burning and beating myself) and it one of those things where everybody has a different motive. i started cutting because i was overwhelmed with a lot of guilt, and was in a toxic friendship that made that feeling worse, so i thought i deserved the pain.

for me its not really a release that i get, but euphoria, almost like a high. i get really excited when i sh or think about sh-ing, and the deeper i go the better i feel; when i'm angry, it relaxes me. sh-ing can increase your dopamine + seratonin levels, so i think thats why a lot of people get addicted to doing it, even if it seems pointless.

i also think the scars are part of it. i've seen many people say that, to them, their scars are proof of the struggles they've faced and that they want more, or feel sad when they fade, which i also relate to. i think its because, to a degree, we want people to notice that we're hurting. sh-ing also gets pretty competitive and i know a lot of people compare their scars to others, so i think that only makes these things worse.

its not for everybody so i understand people who don't get it, hope this answers your question !

as someone who's been sh-ing on and off for a few years now, this is such a perfect explanation for how i feel when i sh.
- i feel like i deserve the pain/ i don't deserve good things
- coping mechanism go brrr
- the scars feel like physical proof

i have made a lot of poor choices in my life that resulted in not being able to reach my fullest potential so in a way, i feel like i deserve the pain. the pain is a fair consequence of my actions. which is probably why i like cutting, the deeper the cut, the more i bleed, the more i can see i'm hurting and it's deserved.

the best way I can describe it is that it feels like the same adrenaline rush you get on a rollercoaster ride? you have all this tension and nervous energy as you're inclining, anticipating the drop. your thoughts are going a million miles an hour but right at the highest point of the ride, it's suddenly quiet. followed by release when you finally drop. (I'm not great at explaining but I hope that makes sense).

i relate so much to the last point. it's like a physical amalgamation of how much pain i felt that day. makes me feel validated/ less crazy.

edit: it's like book keeping? added more + fixed some sentences.

 

[boom.shaka.laka]

I started SH when I was 11 (32 now) and I can't really explain why I did it in the first place, considering I had never heard of it. Possibly when I was 11 I thought it was a good way to ctb but quickly realized that wouldn't work.
But once I started it became extremely addictive.

It's a form of emotional release for me, because when I cut I become
emotionally numb. I have BPD and so I feel emotions more intensely than someone without BPD. These emotions can be extremely overwhelming and debilitating.

I went almost 8 years without cutting in my 20s, and I was hoping that it was something I was done with… but my mental illness got bad again about 6 years ago and I started SH again. I don't do it often like when I was younger, but when I'm in extreme distress for days on end, I sometimes resort to SH. It's been a form of harm reduction in a sense.

I've been trying really hard not to as I feel a lot of shame and embarrassment that I am an adult and still doing this. I don't walk around with visible cuts, however I do have a pretty scarred arm that people stare at. Nobody ever says anything, but I almost wish they did.. I know not everyone would understand, but the stares, the silence and people being scared of me can be a little unsettling.

 

[Bobbylobby]

I always saw it as someone not wanting to fully go through with CTB but wanting to get as close as possible to it

 

[.ᴍᴀʏᴜ.]

SH can be a really different experience from one person to the next. I'm in my 20s and at this point I've been cutting most my life. I'll try to explain why I do it as reasonably as possible :p

For me, it's a coping method I ended up turning to as a child and got hooked on because I was exposed to emotionally overwhelming situations. I didn't know how to process what I saw or felt in a healthy way and I couldn't bear to keep feeling those emotions so I turned to cutting because it's what I'd seen people close to me do and it worked.

It's almost like hitting the reset button on my brain if that makes sense? It's very calming for me and often helps more the worse I'm doing. It can bring me down from a panic attack to being fairly relaxed and comfortable without putting me in the hospital.

@ninevoltheart mentioned that to some people their scars are proof of the struggles they've been through; this is definitely something I can relate to. My scars are proof for me personally of the hardships I've overcome. Even if I don't wish to exist they're still a point of strange pride for me because of the memories associated with them.

Sorry if this is a jumbled mess, I hope this helped to answer some of ur questions and shed some light on reasons ppl SH.

<3

 

[ninevoltheart]

as someone who's been sh-ing on and off for a few years now, this is such a perfect explanation for how i feel when i sh.
- i feel like i deserve the pain/ i don't deserve good things
- coping mechanism go brrr
- the scars feel like physical proof

i have made a lot of poor choices in my life that resulted in not being able to reach my fullest potential so in a way, i feel like i deserve the pain. the pain is a fair consequence of my actions. which is probably why i like cutting, the deeper the cut, the more i bleed, the more i can see i'm hurting and it's deserved.

the best way I can describe it is that it feels like the same adrenaline rush you get on a rollercoaster ride? you have all this tension and nervous energy as you're inclining, anticipating the drop. your thoughts are going a million miles an hour but right at the highest point of the ride, it's suddenly quiet. followed by release when you finally drop. (I'm not great at explaining but I hope that makes sense).

i relate so much to the last point. it's like a physical amalgamation of how much pain i felt that day. makes me feel validated/ less crazy.

edit: it's like book keeping? added more + fixed some sentences.

an adrenaline rush is the best way of describing it ! personally i always get kinda hesitant before i sh, so i get all these nerves and anxiety and frustration built up — its thrilling in a weird way. but when i actually do it, it's a relief. i always thought i was weird for feeling the way i do but i'm glad other people understand

I started SH when I was 11 (32 now) and I can't really explain why I did it in the first place, considering I had never heard of it. Possibly when I was 11 I thought it was a good way to ctb but quickly realized that wouldn't work.
But once I started it became extremely addictive.

It's a form of emotional release for me, because when I cut I become
emotionally numb. I have BPD and so I feel emotions more intensely than someone without BPD. These emotions can be extremely overwhelming and debilitating.

I went almost 8 years without cutting in my 20s, and I was hoping that it was something I was done with… but my mental illness got bad again about 6 years ago and I started SH again. I don't do it often like when I was younger, but when I'm in extreme distress for days on end, I sometimes resort to SH. It's been a form of harm reduction in a sense.

I've been trying really hard not to as I feel a lot of shame and embarrassment that I am an adult and still doing this. I don't walk around with visible cuts, however I do have a pretty scarred arm that people stare at. Nobody ever says anything, but I almost wish they did.. I know not everyone would understand, but the stares, the silence and people being scared of me can be a little unsettling.

8 years clean is really good ! i'm sorry you've fallen back into it, i know it sucks when you're doing good and relapse.

don't feel ashamed for how you're feeling and how you choose to cope. mental health affects people of any age, and sh urges aren't something that totally go away even when you've been clean. but i understand about the weird stares, i've gotten them and unnecessary comments and it honestly just makes you feel worse about it. i hope you're able to get clean again, but have some kindness and patience with yourself. you're strong for making it this far ~

 

[immrw]

this meme sums it up better than i could verbalize. injury leads to endorphin release, which makes me feel really calm. My mind finally feels quiet and at peace.

Opioids also target the same receptors as endorphins. I figure some slices is better than doing heroin.

 

[FindingHome]

I don't mean to sound judgmental, I just wanna ask and discuss. I've had suicidal ideation for as long as I can remember, but self harm never crossed my mind. At least, the type that you actively do to remind yourself that pain exists. Maybe my mental state hasn't reached that point, but the thought of slicing my skin with a sharp blade never really felt good to me. Some people do it for release, which I want to try and understand at the very least. I've had friends who did it and described it as the itch that they needed to scratch. I mean, I've done acts that can be considered self harm (slapping/punching myself when I'm frustrated, snapping a rubberb and on my wrist to try and understand how it feels) but the specific act of cutting confused me. Does anybody feel the same or have any insights about the matter?

I have only done it a few times but it's because I was suicidal. I feel terrible for the times I was suicidal that I did this to myself. It's awful and I wouldn't recommend it. I hope you don't reach that point.