Venting I never fit in.

[the guilt i carry]

I apologize in advance for whining, but I'm tired of all my attempts to fit in the society. Sometimes it seems to me that there's something deeply wrong with me. As a child and up to the 7th grade, I was very sociable. But now, after many years of trying, I still can't be friends with anyone normally.
Now I'm in a new team, but everyone immediately formed their own companies, or communicated even before that. No matter how much I try to start communicating with them, I always feel like the third extra. Yes, they don't send me away, but I understand that they all have a bunch of other friends and they communicate outside of college. I don't have that. They have their own jokes and stories and i will never be able to become the same friedship level, as their friends.
I just ALWAYS feel uncomfortable when I talk to someone. I really want friends, but I understand that they don't need me. That i'm boring and will only be a burden with my SH and CTB thoughts. I can't even find friends online

 

[JJMaynard97]

Sorry to hear, no need to apologies , it's not whining it's expressing your thoughts. you've got to vent somewere, I feel the same too. A Burden. I'm here to listen if you ever wanna talk or even if you send me a PM. More than happy to talk. Respect to you

 

[Rational man]

In my opinion and experience, theres nothing wrong because there are millions of people like us and in many ways it maybe good that people like you and me find it difficult. It helped me find my own ' path ' and eventually, a few friends and a relationship for a few Years. You find your own.way in life because theres little to fit into. Its a myth, fraud, smoke and mirrors. So many people are miserable because they ' fit in '. some of the most contended people i met are happier because they followed their heart and not what others wanted them to be.. ......❤

 

[SilentSadness]

I am perpetually alone as well. Even people who are lonely themselves don't want to be around me. Personally, after being alone for my entire life I am numb to being sad about it, but I hope you can find some peace even when you are alone. Other people always tend to manipulate and gaslight me anyway.

 

[AngryDog]

I know how much it sucks to feel alone, even in a group of friends. If you feel that you are not good with social skills, maybe this ideal group of friends is not the right fit for you. It sounds like you hate the idea of socializing, and if that's the case, you don't have to do it. There's nothing wrong about it. It doesn't mean you don't fit in society. You can have good interactions without being best friends with anybody.

I think you're putting a lot of effort into something that may not be for you. Take it easy, and don't beat yourself too hard. Take care.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that it's true that some people aren't meant for existing in this horrific world, but anyway humans can be very cruel and you just cannot trust and rely on them, which is why I see it for the best to be alone anyway.

 

[GoForDeath]

Well honestly I never fitted in myself during high school, it was only after that, that I started getting friends and etc.. Life can be brutal at times, so I can really see how having friends can improve it ever so slightly.. But just having friends is not enough for you to not consider suicide.

 

[Storyteller]

I couldn't fit anywhere either. At school, I talked with some classmates and quite well, but it's true that everyone has their own groups of people and you turn out to be an outcast. It bothered me, but later I realized that they weren't worth it. We were busy and passionate about different things and it was okay. I have only a couple of friends, but with whom I am comfortable with. It's better not to run after someone. It's better to be the one they come for, and even if there is no one, it doesn't automatically mean that something is wrong with you.