I'm so sorry you are in such a dark mood. Is there anybody you can go? I only can escape with a change of the Situation - another place, hear another voice, See other people doing anything, buying some food, what ever... Everything but doing something instead of lost in really dark thoughts. Well, sometimes it was time to go then... But i think it's not the best to ctb without well planned and being absolutly sure with that final decision. I think I remember you was a couple of month without drinking. Maybe you can remember how you manage it to survive in the past. I wish you the best and a calm heart whatever decision you make!