harmunee
New Member
- Jul 25, 2025
- 4
my whole life i wondered what's wrong with me. last night i couldn't take it anymore and finally told my mom what's going on. she said i could try therapy again but i don't want to. i don't want someone to pretend to care about me for money.
i'm sick of going to work. i'm sick of buying others and being bought. i've been watching gore videos because i wanted to get more comfortable with death, but it just poisoned me.
the world is really fucking cruel. i'm pro-life and pro-choice. i see value in life & i believe in free will. sometimes people need to make hard choices.
sometimes i think i should just get my death over with because i know it'll come one day, no matter what. and i'm tired.
i have a good faith (won't share for fear of more cruelty), a boyfriend, a comfortable home, but i still feel like i deserve to die.
my mom says she'd be sad but i really just want to go to my forever home. it's hard because i'll miss her and the people i love but i just really feel like i deserve to die. i know i won't make it in the world and i can't stay with her forever. i'm a failure before i've even started living my life.
and i hate her husband. he has never been affectionate to me. he clearly values his biological kids over me & my brother. he slams doors, stomps everywhere, i know he hates us and he wants us out of his house. and i have nowhere else to go but in the ground.
my dad & mom were physical with each other when i was a kid and they often had screaming matches that i remember. mom's new husband came to our house to be with her before they divorced. so this guy basically cucks my wifebeater dad and now i have to just live with him because he wants to fuck my mom. doesn't want anything to do with me, intimidates me and has destroyed my belongings. and i have nowhere else to go
he only wanted my mom. he pulled us all out of poverty but i know he only wanted her. i'm just old leftovers that nobody wants.
and i'm immature. i feel like my body got older around me while i stayed the same. my uncle understands how this feels and that's nice, but it doesn't change how much of a challenge it makes out of life.
every day i think it's time for me to die soon. i don't know if i want mental help or not. i've tried calling 988 and i'm at the point where i can recite their entire robotic little script to them, and leave them speechless because all they know is that stupid fucking script. "are you in danger? do you have plans to kys? when? you wanna make a safety plan? you want some coping skills? ok bye!" I'M FUCKING SICK OF THIS PLACE. i'm sick of the pretending. the buying and selling. killing and eating other living things so that i can live. the world is so fucking cruel there aren't even words for it. i'm so tired. all i want to do is sleep. i'm sick of this place. fake fucking smiling faces and fake fucking corporate politeness. i want something real for once.
i'm sick of going to work. i'm sick of buying others and being bought. i've been watching gore videos because i wanted to get more comfortable with death, but it just poisoned me.
the world is really fucking cruel. i'm pro-life and pro-choice. i see value in life & i believe in free will. sometimes people need to make hard choices.
sometimes i think i should just get my death over with because i know it'll come one day, no matter what. and i'm tired.
i have a good faith (won't share for fear of more cruelty), a boyfriend, a comfortable home, but i still feel like i deserve to die.
my mom says she'd be sad but i really just want to go to my forever home. it's hard because i'll miss her and the people i love but i just really feel like i deserve to die. i know i won't make it in the world and i can't stay with her forever. i'm a failure before i've even started living my life.
and i hate her husband. he has never been affectionate to me. he clearly values his biological kids over me & my brother. he slams doors, stomps everywhere, i know he hates us and he wants us out of his house. and i have nowhere else to go but in the ground.
my dad & mom were physical with each other when i was a kid and they often had screaming matches that i remember. mom's new husband came to our house to be with her before they divorced. so this guy basically cucks my wifebeater dad and now i have to just live with him because he wants to fuck my mom. doesn't want anything to do with me, intimidates me and has destroyed my belongings. and i have nowhere else to go
he only wanted my mom. he pulled us all out of poverty but i know he only wanted her. i'm just old leftovers that nobody wants.
and i'm immature. i feel like my body got older around me while i stayed the same. my uncle understands how this feels and that's nice, but it doesn't change how much of a challenge it makes out of life.
every day i think it's time for me to die soon. i don't know if i want mental help or not. i've tried calling 988 and i'm at the point where i can recite their entire robotic little script to them, and leave them speechless because all they know is that stupid fucking script. "are you in danger? do you have plans to kys? when? you wanna make a safety plan? you want some coping skills? ok bye!" I'M FUCKING SICK OF THIS PLACE. i'm sick of the pretending. the buying and selling. killing and eating other living things so that i can live. the world is so fucking cruel there aren't even words for it. i'm so tired. all i want to do is sleep. i'm sick of this place. fake fucking smiling faces and fake fucking corporate politeness. i want something real for once.
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