Story I need to make a choice soon. I have to.

[Inferdan]

I need to choose. I can't keep going on like this. Every day is suffering. The constant torment of my thoughts, my indecisiveness, I can't bear it for much longer. I lose energy everyday, no matter the food I eat, the exercise I do, the amount of time I spend with friends (I got a REAL hug for the first time in so long from one, and I didn't feel as happy as I should've. It kind of made me feel guilty for something), nothing helps. Therapy is only a week away, and I'm holding out until then, but it's so hard. The other day, when I was feeling particularly low, I asked the sky for something to make the day brighter. Stupid, since I don't believe in anything, but I felt like I could do nothing else. The next day, I was sick and with a fever. Felt like that was a fuck you from the universe. Still am sick, even with rest and proper treatment. Going to get checked by a GP soon, even though I feel as I shouldn't.
The bottom line for all of this is I'm beginning to lose it, both literally and emotionally. I don't like life, and I don't like reality. I need to decide if I'm going to live or die, because I can't keep going in this state of confusion, of whether I should go to a doctor or the gym and get better or if I should just end it and leave this broken, corrupted dystopia of a world. Giving myself a generous month to think it over, even though my mind races 24/7 over it. I possibly will finally reach a conclusion before then.
May everyone get what they want, one way or the other. You all deserve peace.