I need to go now

[johntee23]

Does anyone feel when they wake in the morning that they need to CTB before getting up as the thought of another day in Hell is so unbearable? I do. My doctor was asking me yesterday if I was researching into means of suicide. It's odd that they ask. As if you're going to say and get yourself taken away to be locked up. The one thing research does lead to is less rather than more options. Potential for failure and pain seem pretty much what crosses things off the list for me. So, hanging, jumping off cliffs and deliberate car crashes into walls have gone by the wayside. I do retain hanging as a plan somewhere near Z. It would be difficult to avoid survival instinct though. My favoured method and I've not seen it before would be a massive IV overdose of heroin. I know that's not possible for a number of reasons. Where would I find a dealer. Who'd prepare the drug. Does it have to be readied directly before use? How much heroin would you have to snort or ingest for lethality.
As it is CTB remains a fantasy And nothing more. Another day in Hell awaits.

 

[LastFlowers]

Yes, I get that feeling and thought all the time, just, I can't take it anymore, I've got to get out of here NOW. And it's true,
I really do, it needs to be over, but I must try to calm myself with the knowledge that a certain level of impulse could land me in the hospital or result in brain damage, worsening of my circumstances, etc. I don't want to wait, but when you actually try to go about things more rationally, one unfortunate side effect of that is prolonging the suffering. Even though, the whole point of putting more planning into CTB, is to avoid adding more suffering to our plate. I've been in hell for a long time so the anxiousness and impatience to end this nightmare grows stronger every day.
It is so wrong and unfair that we must shoulder all of this alone, there really should be a place we can go where we can take a pill, outline our requests, and say goodbye without the pro-life bells and whistles. Just to put an absolute end to it all, without any added fear and panic.

 

[johntee23]

Yes, I get that feeling and thought all the time, just, I can't take it anymore, I've got to get out of here NOW. And it's true,
I really do, it needs to be over, but I must try to calm myself with the knowledge that a certain level of impulse could land me in the hospital or result in brain damage, worsening of my circumstances, etc. I don't want to wait, but when you actually try to go about things more rationally, one unfortunate side effect of that is prolonging the suffering. Even though, the whole point of putting more planning into CTB, is to avoid adding more suffering to our plate. I've been in hell for a long time so the anxiousness and impatience to end this nightmare grows stronger every day.
It is so wrong and unfair that we must shoulder all of this alone, there really should be a place we can go where we can take a pill, outline our requests, and say goodbye without the pro-life bells and whistles. Just to put an absolute end to it all, without any added fear and panic.

Yes. I got chronically sick back in March. An adverse reaction to a prescription drug effectively sent me to Hell. I've been there ever since. The humane thing to do would be make me comfortable and give me a lethal injection of whatever it is they give to our pets when their lives cease to be liveable in comfort.

 

[neitherherenorthere]

Yes. I got chronically sick back in March. An adverse reaction to a prescription drug effectively sent me to Hell. I've been there ever since. The humane thing to do would be make me comfortable and give me a lethal injection of whatever it is they give to our pets when their lives cease to be liveable in comfort.

Fuck iatrogenesis. I'm so sorry. IMO everyone should just be issued a little "break in case of emergency" box with a ton of barbiturates in it at birth to use at their discretion.


Maybe I have a different chronotype than yours, but the first 30 minutes or so of my day before my brain properly turns on is when I feel the closest to being ok, at least on less better days. I also almost never manage to wake up before noon, so maybe that has something to do with it. By the time evening rolls around though I'm right there with you, just waiting until I can go to sleep again and hoping that I won't wake up. Lately I've been having pretty strong impulses to take a lot of benzos with a lot of alcohol and then go to sleep, and if I don't wake up then oh well. I know it's not a guaranteed method but it'd be so easy. Kind of like a less messy Russian roulette.

 

[cupples1979@hotmail.]

Im so ready

 

[WornOutLife]

This morning what you mentioned happened. I just didn't want to leave my bed because I know what a "hell" my day was gonna be.
I'm trying my best to live but, oh boy! These days have been sucking so badly!

Anyway, whatever you do, wish you the best, bro.

Hugs and love

 

[stygal]

I wish I'd just never woke up again.

Having to consciously choose to ctb seems like such an unsure and potentially dangerous thing to do.
Gives me anxiety to even think about it but life continuously lets me down even more and seems to give me lots of signs to finally do it.