Method I need to finish this, this month. Any advice?

[thisiswhoiam-]

tl;dr y i have to die(not needed to read): 1.infinite health problems and physical pain 2.soon broke with infinite tax debt/prison possible 3.cant work 4.stuck without my own room with parents i hate for 27 years 5.addicted 6.mentally broken 7.incompetent life antisocial schizoid(i choke on food and water, 247 anxietydepressionfearofdying and make every mistake possible) so yeah, how do we go about this ye? baby steps with a the rapist maybe would help me? haha...i should just walk out and disappear, but that can only happen with death. my future: prison/hospital/ward/homeless

Since I can't recover, I need to end this finally. I don't want to live to my 27th birthday. My method of choice was train decapitation for years, since it's the only one readily available.
Alternatives:
Jumping(i would need to find a tall building and somehow get inside and not get stopped by SI)
briefly considered drowning but it seems terrible
SN takes a lot of time preparation time and space that i don't have, hanging too - i mess everything up theres no way i would make a proper knot(im the kinda person that makes every mistake possible and i cant stop it)

Problems with train method:
1.SI(hard to stay on the tracks and not run away)
2.trains here are slow as shit
3.bumpers in front of trains(i dont know if head fits under them or if they will just push me off with brain damage)
4.theres always some fucking thugs around the train tracks especially at night which would give me better odds of success and i dont want to get beat up which almost happened once already

Im really tired and barely living so its hard for me to do meticulous research and preparation. So if anyone has anything useful to chime in I would appreciate it. I was always a coward so I wish someone did it with me or at least pushed me to it so I couldn't back out, cause I really need to do it. If I won't ctb whats going to happen to me is beyond what 99% of society can imagine in their worst nightmares.
I have a lot of xanax but i also have some tolerance, nevertheless it should help a little bit, but i doubt it will be enough for a coward like me. I just have to shut my brain off for a minute, walk to the tracks and lie down and save myself.

Well it's probably pointless to post all this but i'm stuck and didnt make any progress towards dying despite my life collapsing on me and i really can't wait and suffer any longer. I see a lot of people here that have decent chances to make it out, and i wish you all the best but im not one of these people. Thank you.

 

[StaticCryBabye]

Im so sorry for you. I hope you finally find a successful way to end it all, and have a peaceful sleep for enternity.

 

[novem]

trains here are slow as shit

you are probably from america
It is hard to end your life,
but you have time to think about it and living in ¨first world country¨ gives you access to all sorts of dark markets, so some people would actually envy that opportunity, because eventually all of us will die sooner or later.

 

[SantasHelper]

I hope you find peace and I support whatever you choice you make.
I was thinking of being sober maybe a few months, if possible, and relapse and OD? It was the first thing I thought of reading this. I've had a few friends die that same way. But I heard OD-- it is a survivable thing but also painful.

 

[terminalending]

if the trains are too slow (under 60-70mph) don't risk it. you'll end up a vegetable. i think you may have heard of this, but a user on here lost his legs after a failed attempt using the train method. if you do live in the us, consider either a firearm or SN.

 

[LittleJem]

you can't mess up a slip knot - practice it. You just need a strong rope and an anchor point, but then celebs have done it with a scarf.

Believe me, I am not being unsympathetic. I just know that life is torture for so many of us. I am personally sitting here in tears at enduring and existing another day. I would rather be an insect than a human. I am existing and watching TV and crying in the street and then the next day the torture repeats.

so if you want peace then hanging (full) is pretty damn effective. Or Wolfsbane/Monkshood plant is cardio toxic, irreversible, cheap and easily available.
I am surrounded by insects in my temporary accommodation. Cockroaches and small crawlly things and I am sure they are enjoying existence more than I am.

 

[FuneralCry]

It certainly sounds horrific what you've have to go through, I hate how there are just no easy answers to leaving this world, I see it as being cruel how suicide is this difficult. But anyway I hope that you find the freedom that you so desperately are searching for.