Venting I need to either commit to do it or try to piece together what is left of my life

[Mynameisnotimportant]

I want to die. If someone were to shoot me, I'd be fine with it. I don't know if I have the balls to either ctb or to even get help for it. I'm stuck in this purgatory of cutting up my arm and lurking on this forum while acting like everything is fine at school and work. New Years is the time I will decide how serious I am about ending it all. That gives me enough time before my date of death next summer to say my good byes to this world. I don't know if i can go on living that long, though at the same time I don't know if I can let this world go.

 

[Lara Francis]

Hi.
There is no rush and It's no bad reflection on you to be Unsure or scared.
.It sounds like you are not ready.Give yourself time to make good choices in life or death.I feel ( maybe like others ) that I put up a pretence to say that i am ok but am broken and hurting inside.

 

[TheLastStraw]

There is nothing wrong with taking time to decide on the right decision

I am assuming here, but most of your depression is probably mental, unless you are homeless, starving, being abused....you have the option to take your time

You might come to my conclusion, which took 5 years of internal suicidal debate, that I will wait until at least age 40-50 before I ctb, unless I wind up homeless or in a very bad situation then I will shorten the date

It is sort of liberating being suicidal, the fact that you don't care allows you to take risks in life, risks that may lead you to a better situation, and if it doesn't work out, oh well you were planning it anyway