Venting i need to die asap

[tempest_]

i can't fucking take it anymore. i'm absolutely hideous and i get triggered by any mention of sex or beauty. i used to be able to somewhat manage those feelings, but now as soon as i get triggered i feel this overwhelming urge to ctb. i don't even really care about the pain or risk of failing anymore. being a sub5 neurodivergent neet loser is torture enough.

i need to die before new years…or at least before my 21st bday (which is in feb). my only options are partial, night-night, drowning, and getting hit by a train. drowning is only an option for me in my home country though where i have a bathtub. i'm considering combining it with the night-night method, but i have no clue if that would even work. i don't know what to do anymore. and since i have severe social anxiety and agoraphobia (thanks almost every person ever for treating me like shit because of something i have zero control over!1!1!1), i can't easily go to a river or lake and drown there.

i've researched so many different methods but research is pointless if you don't have access to most of them. fuck the eu. i wish i lived in the states so i could get a gun or opioids and benzos. you can't get shit here. fuck life and especially fuck life in europe.

 

[Chiyumine]

i can't fucking take it anymore. i'm absolutely hideous and i get triggered by any mention of sex or beauty. i used to be able to somewhat manage those feelings, but now as soon as i get triggered i feel this overwhelming urge to ctb. i don't even really care about the pain or risk of failing anymore. being a sub5 neurodivergent neet loser is torture enough.

i need to die before new years…or at least before my 21st bday (which is in feb). my only options are partial, night-night, drowning, and getting hit by a train. drowning is only an option for me in my home country though where i have a bathtub. i'm considering combining it with the night-night method, but i have no clue if that would even work. i don't know what to do anymore. and since i have severe social anxiety and agoraphobia (thanks almost every person ever for treating me like shit because of something i have zero control over!1!1!1), i can't easily go to a river or lake and drown there.

i've researched so many different methods but research is pointless if you don't have access to most of them. fuck the eu. i wish i lived in the states so i could get a gun or opioids and benzos. you can't get shit here. fuck life and especially fuck life in europe.

I feel the exact same way.