Help I need to ctb the day I get caught . Is SN a loud way?

[GoneByTomorrow]

I don't mean to turn this into a sob story, but I'm gonna tell my situation so I can have an overall orientation.
My mother found out I'm gay and she is threating me to tell my dad, he lives not so close to where I live, but also not very far, he could be here in 4 hours. Now, so you guys can understand my situation, if my mother tells him I'm gay and he get to me, at best he will give me a beating, in the worst case scenario he will give me a beating and end up killing me, I don't think he cares going to jail if he tortures me first.

I was thinking of ctbing sooner rather than later, but I just decided to wait till she tells him, so I have no other choise, I'll enjoy living my live while I can. When my mother tell my dad, I think I'll have a night to prepare and ctb, I can't fail this attempt at all! When she tells him I'll go to my bedroom at night and take SN, it's the only method I have at hand.

Will the effects be loud? I mean, I know I'm gonna throw up quite a bit, but my mother will think I'm just nervous, besides throwing up there will be another sound or can I go undetectable?

(Posting again since nobody allow my posts)

 

[Ulisses]

there will be no noise other than vomiting if you vomit. drink the sn, and keep listening so there is no more noise.

 

[Anonymoussn]

You might make some groaning sounds. Depends on how thin your walls are.

Seeing as you're pretty new here I've got to ask. Have you considered removing yourself from your toxic family environment and trying to be happy? It sounds like your parents are a real piece of work, but you don't have to be stuck with them forever.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Aside from vomiting and you possibly moving there is no loud noise, but you could still draw attention with these things so be careful.

 

[Super_Cat]

Have a fan or white noise machine, it might help mask the possible noise you'd make.

 

[Aap]

Are you sure this is what you want? How old are you? I'm not fully understanding the thought process at all. I understand the fear of your dad, I'm just not grasping why other options aren't being explored.

edit: from your duplicate post, you have a job. Are you in the Middle East/another country where being gay is a criminal or capital offense?

 

[Alec]

I'm gay too. Surrounded by homophobic people. I'm so so so terribly sorry, you definitely do NOT deserve this!!! I love you, I promise I love you and you are perfect and amazing just the way you are!!! If you take SN, I hope it's as painless as possible. I'm with you and I'm thinking about you! I love you!

 

[GoneByTomorrow]

there will be no noise other than vomiting if you vomit. drink the sn, and keep listening so there is no more noise.

You might make some groaning sounds. Depends on how thin your walls are.

Seeing as you're pretty new here I've got to ask. Have you considered removing yourself from your toxic family environment and trying to be happy? It sounds like your parents are a real piece of work, but you don't have to be stuck with them forever.

Thank you for both of you!
I tried to remove myself from them, but I don't have a full time work and I earn much MUCH less than I need to live by myself, I can't seem to find another job that will pay me better! I don't really have friends or anyone else.

Are you sure this is what you want? How old are you? I'm not fully understanding the thought process at all. I understand the fear of your dad, I'm just not grasping why other options aren't being explored.

edit: from your duplicate post, you have a job. Are you in the Middle East/another country where being gay is a criminal or capital offense?

I have a half time job, not really a JOB, more like a "job". I live in a very poor area of Brazil, I only work 3 days a week, I earn something like 100 reais per week. To pay for rent alone I'd need at least 2x that, I don't have friends or family members who will support me, I can't find another job.

I'm gay too. Surrounded by homophobic people. I'm so so so terribly sorry, you definitely do NOT deserve this!!! I love you, I promise I love you and you are perfect and amazing just the way you are!!! If you take SN, I hope it's as painless as possible. I'm with you and I'm thinking about you!❤❤❤ I love you!

Thank you very much!!

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I wish I was in Brazil so I could come pick you up right now and save you from this awful situation. No one should have to go through this.

My mom found out I was gay when I was 19, and that experience triggered my first suicidal thoughts. It's 18 years later and my mom loves me *and* my husband. I know not everyone's story can progress like that, but I hope it at least provides you with hope for a different path.

 

[GoneByTomorrow]

I wish I was in Brazil so I could come pick you up right now and save you from this awful situation. No one should have to go through this.

My mom found out I was gay when I was 19, and that experience triggered my first suicidal thoughts. It's 18 years later and my mom lives me *and* my husband. I know not everyone's story can progress like that, but I hope it at least provides you with hope for a different path.

Thank you!
In the best case scenario she will wait at least some more months before telling him, I'm doing whatever I can to please her so she doesn't tell him, I cook, clean, buy groceries, I do all the house chores and when I go to work (I work 3 times a week) I also try to find another job. Hopefully I will find one before she snitches on me.

 

[ERASED]

I don't mean to turn this into a sob story, but I'm gonna tell my situation so I can have an overall orientation.
My mother found out I'm gay and she is threating me to tell my dad, he lives not so close to where I live, but also not very far, he could be here in 4 hours. Now, so you guys can understand my situation, if my mother tells him I'm gay and he get to me, at best he will give me a beating, in the worst case scenario he will give me a beating and end up killing me, I don't think he cares going to jail if he tortures me first.

I was thinking of ctbing sooner rather than later, but I just decided to wait till she tells him, so I have no other choise, I'll enjoy living my live while I can. When my mother tell my dad, I think I'll have a night to prepare and ctb, I can't fail this attempt at all! When she tells him I'll go to my bedroom at night and take SN, it's the only method I have at hand.

Will the effects be loud? I mean, I know I'm gonna throw up quite a bit, but my mother will think I'm just nervous, besides throwing up there will be another sound or can I go undetectable?

(Posting again since nobody allow my posts)

I wish I could give you better advice but you should probably go somewhere safe.

 

[psychoticxerror]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Parents can truly be the worst. Is there anyone that you feel safe with? Have you considered crowdfunding? I've seen many people get safe housing that went that route. It might be worth trying if you're on social media. I wish I could be of more help!

 

[ZardozOmega]

I'm in Brazil too. Where in the country are you located?

 

[PJFord]

Did you just tell your Mom, say today or in the past few days? If so, give her some time first. She might mellow. In my opinion she SHOULD since you are her biological son regardless. But that's another issue.I told my Mom 30 years ago and as I expected she freaked a little bit...she was a major worrier and many things initially freaked her. But she soon came around. Is there a LGBT organization in your area? If so, you should chat with a counselor there. It might make you feel like you have a second home and safe house. They might also have some resources for how to deal with your Dad. If he's open to listening, they could provide an impartial counselor to help him be more loving and accepting.

 

[GoneByTomorrow]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Parents can truly be the worst. Is there anyone that you feel safe with? Have you considered crowdfunding? I've seen many people get safe housing that went that route. It might be worth trying if you're on social media. I wish I could be of more help!

Thank you! I really don't considered crowdfunding because I don't know for how long I'll be in that situation, if I needed something for, say, a month, then sure, but I don't know how long I'd need help till I find a job. I think I'd just let everyone's time and money go to waste

I'm in Brazil too. Where in the country are you located?

Estou no momento no interior do Ceará

Did you just tell your Mom, say today or in the past few days? If so, give her some time first. She might mellow. In my opinion she SHOULD since you are her biological son regardless. But that's another issue.I told my Mom 30 years ago and as I expected she freaked a little bit...she was a major worrier and many things initially freaked her. But she soon came around. Is there a LGBT organization in your area? If so, you should chat with a counselor there. It might make you feel like you have a second home and safe house. They might also have some resources for how to deal with your Dad. If he's open to listening, they could provide an impartial counselor to help him be more loving and accepting.

She knows for a month now. There is maybe one LGBT organization here but they can't do much

 

[Soul]

There is maybe one LGBT organization here but they can't do much

Well then tell them they need to put you in touch with organizations that *can* do something for you, if only to find you a roomshare in a safe housing situation.

No one should have to go through what you're describing,
@GoneByTomorrow sweetheart. (((Hug)))

 

[ZardozOmega]

Thank you! I really don't considered crowdfunding because I don't know for how long I'll be in that situation, if I needed something for, say, a month, then sure, but I don't know how long I'd need help till I find a job. I think I'd just let everyone's time and money go to waste

Estou no momento no interior do Ceará

She knows for a month now. There is maybe one LGBT organization here but they can't do much

Moro em Minas Gerais. Você não tem alguma tio ou tio para te ajudar?

 

[GoneByTomorrow]

Moro em Minas Gerais. Você não tem alguma tio ou tio para te ajudar?

Aqui? Não. Se eles vão tomar algum partido seria contra mim.
Tenho uma tia que mora em SP, mas sinceramente não sei de que lado ela estaria. Tnho medo de tentar ajuda e acabar piorando meu lado.

 

[Infinite Conscious]

So she caught you... probably on the PC.
I can relate... I am B and also have a surrounding which would never accept that.
And I got caught once... denied it, never mentioned it again.
But that is no reason to die so young.
Say that it's a phase... we all go through phases, experimenting with life, take that beating even if it comes... what can they do?
Throw you out? Your mother will not throw you out, especially if they are divorced.
There is always time to die... but first give life a chance. ;)

 

[mapletree]

I'm sorry that you are going through this. I hope that you can find an alternative because you shouldn't have to be essentially forced into ctb ing because you're surrounded by assholes.